The Long Walk Home
by AccountClosedDueToHealth
Summary: Spock has been involved with Uhura for the entirety of their 5-year mission; now that the Enterprise is coming home secrets from that relationship are coming to light. Full summary inside.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: The Long Walk Home**

**Summary:** **Spock has been involved with Uhura for the entirety of their 5-year mission; now that the Enterprise is coming home secrets from that relationship are coming to light. Damaged in ways he cannot understand, Spock has nowhere to turn. Dr. McCoy has also been hurting, but the southern boy in him can't stand on the sidelines and watch Spock suffer. Can the broken find healing in each other?**

**Written by request for BlackMetalHeart**

**Chapter Playlist:**

**Storyteller- Trapt**

**I Don't Believe You- Pink**

**Destination Heartbreak- Loverboy**

**Wasteland- 10 Years**

**Making Circles- Christian Kane**

**Disclaimer: It's slash, so obviously there is going to be non-canon content. If you're gonna complain, just be polite about it.**

**Oh, and I write for fun, not for money or, you know, because I'm any good at it. So no sue-y.**

**Uhura's gonna be a bit of a b*tch in this one, so if you love her, this is probably not for you.**

**This is my first time writing McCoy/Spock. (Actually, I've never really even read the stuff.) But I love McCoy and Spock, so hopefully it won't be too hard to put them together.**

**The chapter 'playlist' is just a list of a few songs that I listened to while writing this that I thought matched the chapter content. I wish I could post this list somewhere for ya'll to download, but my internet connection can't handle that kind of activity. So if you want to listen to any of the songs I advise you to google/youtube it.**

**[EDIT 7-17-2011] – Quick cleanup, I was reading these the other day and noticed some errors. Highly unlikely I'll catch 'em all, but there was a continuity error I was particularly interested in correcting. If that's taken care of, then I'll be happy.**

…**.**

Chapter One

Dr. Leonard H. McCoy stood next to the controls for teleport pad three and tried to look bored or uninterested. As a result he just looked pissed off. Fortunately, the crew considered this to be his default expression so no one really noticed his agitation. Most of the ship was in some state of happiness, it rolled off of most of them like fog from dry ice. The doctor, however, wanted to keep his excitement low key. He was a senior officer and didn't need to be seen acting like a little girl getting a pony.

Scotty, on the other hand, had no such qualms. The engineer tapped the console impatiently. "Ah cannae believe how long this is taking."

Len snorted. "Relax, Scotty. It just feels like it's taking longer than usual because emotions are running high right now. This is the last assignment and everyone is in a hurry to get home, but that's no reason to ignore regulations."

"Aye." The Scotsman grinned. "Five years is a long time tae spend away from earth. Aside from that wee break after the battle with the Narada Ah have nae been home in almost seven years."

"Almost eight for me, including the time at the academy."

Scotty gave the doctor a sympathetic frown. "The ex-wife?" At the doctor's affirmative the engineer cursed softy. "That's a hell of a long time tae go without getting' tae hold your daughter. When was the last time ya got tae speak with her?"

The older man rubbed his face. "Jocelyn let me talk to her a few weeks ago. She knows I'm coming home."

"How old is the lass now? Fifteen?"

"She'll turn seventeen in the fall."

Scotty winced. "Och, that's a hard time tae go through without your Da. D'ya think she'll be okay with ya stepping intae and out of her life like this? Ah mean," The red head eyed the doctor. "Ya are coming back up with us, aren't ya?"

Len sighed. "I don't know Scotty. I love working with all of you and goodness knows I'll miss it, but when I signed up- it wasn't for this. If Jim hadn't talked me into the officer track I'd probably be a colony physician on some remote planet somewhere. I hate flying, Scotty, I hate it. Sometimes when I'm busy with work I can forget about the atmosphere outside and all the crazy things you do down in engineering and all the risks we run, but the fear is always there, lurking in the back of my mind. And then there's Joanna, I don't know if I can leave her again."

"Have ya spoken tae the captain about this?"

"No." The doctor smiled, "He knows though, lord knows he's heard me bitch about it often enough. I think he's still clinging to the hope that he can talk me into coming back." The smile faded. "Depending on how Jocelyn behaves he may not have to."

Scotty laid a comforting hand on the doctor's shoulder and the two men waited out the remaining time in silence.

They didn't have long to wait before the comm. chirped and the captain's voice came through announcing the away-team's return. Scotty clapped his hands together gleefully and began the sequence that would bring his crew members back aboard. Seconds later the group began to materialize.

"Woohoo!" Jim yelled as he threw himself off the receiving pad at his best friend.

An 'oof' escaped Len's mouth as the lithe blonde's body made impact with his slightly huskier one. He stumbled backwards slightly, trying to keep his footing with an armful of James T. Kirk. "I take it everything went well?"

Jim laughed and untangled himself from the doctor only to launch himself at Scotty a moment later. "Who cares how it went Bones, we're going home!"

The CMO rolled his eyes as Scotty laughed and returned the blonde's hug. "Five years as captain of his own ship and he still acts like an eight-year-old on the last day of school."

Spock cleared his throat. "In answer to your question Dr. McCoy; yes, everything went 'well.'"

Len smiled at the Vulcan. He hadn't seen much of Spock lately; the first officer had been more withdrawn than usual. Although they didn't always get along well on the surface, the doctor had missed his friend. The brunette jerked his head in Jim's direction. "He hasn't been giving you any trouble as he? Kid doesn't seem to remember he ain't too big to be taken out behind the barn."

The blonde in question scowled. "Hey!"

Spock quirked an eyebrow, the closest thing he ever gave to a smile, although Bones thought it seemed rather halfhearted. "I assure you Dr. McCoy, I am more than capable of 'handling' the captain."

Jim rolled his eyes and bounced over to poke the Vulcan in the arm. "Hey Spock, are you going to New Vulcan during leave?" He waggled his eyebrows. "Or were you gonna spend the whole three months with Uhura?"

The blonde craned his neck in order to address his next comment at Yeoman Rand so he missed the odd expression that came into Spock's eyes when the communications officer's name was spoken. "Hey, doesn't she go back to Africa or something when she's on long leave?"

Len noticed the Vulcan's reaction and frowned. "Hey, Spock, is everything okay with you and Nyota?"

Spock nodded stiffly. "Of course. If you will excuse me, I have experiments to attend to in the lab."

"What was that about?" Jim wondered aloud after the Vulcan left.

The doctor shook his head. "No idea. Look, I'd better get back to sickbay; Chapel was pestering me about some paperwork that has to be filed in preparation for whoever has my job next. I'll see you later, okay?"

The blonde waved absently, already deep in conversation with Rand and Scotty.

..

Spock stood in the middle of Lt. Nyota Uhura's quarters. The exact middle: ten steps in from the door and ten steps from each of the four walls. Uhura shared her bathroom with her beta shift counterpart so Spock did not consider it to be a valid part of the communications officer's quarters and therefore it was not included in his calculations. He had been standing there for twelve minutes and thirty-seven seconds. He felt almost…uncomfortable, but knew better than to seat himself in one of the chairs or on the bed. Nyota had explained about the human need for privacy and how invaded she felt if he touched her things without permission.

Nyota was late. She had asked him to come to her quarters after shift, but she herself had not yet arrived. She was often late and rarely provided any explanation. Spock inhaled deeply and fought the urge to fidget. He shouldn't be thinking so negatively about the woman. He knew he owed her a lot. If it were not for Nyota he would be alone. For as she had pointed out to him upon several occasions: who would want him? His father's people had certainly never sought out his company. He was socially backward and carried with him the stigma of being a half-breed. Not exactly a combination many humans would find attractive.

"Spock?"

He blinked. Nyota had finally arrived. "Good evening."

The dark skinned woman scowled at him. "What are you doing here Spock? I told you I was going to be busy tonight. I have to start packing and there are papers I have to go through." Her eyes narrowed. "How long have you been here? Did you touch anything? You did, didn't you? Why don't you ever listen to me, Spock? I told you how annoying it is when you pry into other people's business. God, it's no wonder no one wants to spend time with you."

Spock's mind swirled with images of the captain and other crew member's faces, Jim's laughter, Scotty's rants, Dr. McCoy smiling at him earlier that evening: all now tainted with suspicion. Were they just pretending to include him? He struggled to answer the original question. "I-"

Nyota's face cleared suddenly and she gave him a pitying smile. "Oh, Spock. I'm sorry. I know it's hard on you, especially after your mother died." She laid a hand on his sleeve, "It's been a long day, and you should have known I'd be tired. Just go back to your room and get some sleep, everything will be better tomorrow."

He nodded numbly and let her push him from the room. Spock stood in the hallway suddenly feeling more alone than he had since meeting Nyota. Was she right about the crew? Logically, it did not seem right. What purpose could it possibly serve to pretend to like him? They did not get anything out of it, unless it was some kind of joke.

He blanched. He had never understood human motivators, but it seemed excessively cruel to put on such an act for such a long period of time. His mother would never have been capable of such cruelty, and Nyota certainly was not, so how likely was it for the others to be? He had seen humans at their worst, he had read their history books, and they had run across several corrupt individuals during the course of their mission, but they had always been a minority.

The Captain's guileless blue eyes flashed in his mind.

Spock unconsciously straightened his uniform. You could like someone, but not like to spend time with them. It seemed an unsound argument to his mind, but it was something his observation of the relationship between the Captain and Nyota had taught him. Jim liked her, and they were friendly, but they never spent time outside of work together. They never 'hung-out' like the Captain and Dr. McCoy did.

Dr. McCoy. The CMO had always been an enigma to him. Spock found the brunette's behavior to be very confusing and yet very admirable. Despite being loyal almost to a fault when it came to the captain, Leonard rarely lied for him. If questioned by the enemy or in a life or death situation the doctor would not hesitate, but if Spock questioned him about something minor, such as Jim's location, Leonard always told him the truth (even if it meant Jim was in trouble for skipping out on paperwork). The doctor was a very honest man. If he did not like you or something you did, you found out very quickly.

The Vulcan felt himself sag in relief and quickly straightened. Five years of observation told him that if Dr. McCoy did not like him or did not wish to spend time with him, the man would have informed him thus a long time ago. Leonard was very free with his opinion; it was not in his nature to be fake or pretend with the intent to maliciously deceive. The doctor had also saved his life upon several occasions and Spock thought that the man had probably saved the entire ship at least as often as .the Captain did. Leonard was someone he could trust, someone he did trust.

This reasoning comforted him and he moved toward the lift. It did disturb him slightly that Nyota could say such things that were apparently untrue about her friends and fellow crew members, but she was very tired and Spock had witnessed firsthand upon several occasions how erratic human behavior became when they were fatigued.

Spock waited for the lift to arrive, arms folded behind his back, his mind now turned toward meditation. It had been several days since he had slept and his body had begun to slow down. After a few hours meditation he would rest.

The lift doors slid open silently to reveal an occupant who did not disembark. The Vulcan stepped inside and nodded hesitantly. "Dr. McCoy."

The human smiled and Spock felt some of the residual tension in his chest loosen. "Hey, Spock. You headed back to your quarters?"

"Yes." The lift began to move again and he lifted an eyebrow. "Would it be safe to assume we are both headed in the same general direction?"

Leonard nodded and waved the PADD he held in his hands. "I've got some stuff Jim needs to sign and if I don't do it now he'll find some way to weasel out of it."

"The captain does display a spectacular aversion to paperwork."

The doctor laughed. "Yes he does. According to him he didn't join Starfleet to become a desk jockey."

A subtle crease formed between Spock's eyebrows. "Surely he realized that an officer's duties are not limited to field work."

"Oh I'm sure he knows, he just chooses to ignore it." Leonard cleared his throat and gave the Vulcan a sideways look. "Spock, can I ask you something?"

Spock opened his mouth and the doctor rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I know- I just did. That gets funnier every time you do it."

"That is not what I was going to say, although I must confess it crossed my mind. Your human colloquialisms are…amusing."

Leonard chuckled. "I'm glad you think it's funny Spock," The man's face became solemn. "But seriously, I know it's probably none of my business, but is everything okay between you and Uhura?"

He raised a hand to stop the Vulcan from speaking. "I know you said everything was fine earlier, but you've been acting differently Spock. It's been gradual over the last couple years, but something is definitely bothering you. You've been quiet- quieter than usual- and don't think we haven't noticed how withdrawn you've become. Jim says he can't get you play chess with him more than once a week, you two used to play almost every night. What's going on?"

Spock stood silently and once again found himself resisting the urge to fidget. He must be more tired than he thought, the Vulcan rarely had trouble with his emotions like this and now twice in one day….He glanced at the doctor and found him waiting expectantly, hazel eyes filled with concern.

The Vulcan sighed silently and tried to think of a way to answer that would satisfy the doctor's curiosity and avoid burdening his friend with his problems. Most human relationships seemed tenuous at best and he did not want to risk the ones he had formed. Telling Leonard about his difficulties assimilating human culture would probably upset the brunette. He had spent more than enough time among the peoples of Earth for a normal Vulcan to grasp understanding; it had to be his own inadequacies that made it hard for him.

Nyota's voice rang in his head. _'If you burden your friends, you'll no longer have any. People have their own troubles Spock; they don't want to hear about yours.'_

Spock swallowed. He liked having Leonard as a friend. "There is nothing wrong Dr. McCoy. I have merely been preoccupied with the progress on New Vulcan."

Leonard frowned softly. "I'm sorry to hear that. Jim gets updates from Ambassador Selek, so I thought everything was doing okay on that front."

The lift chimed, signaling their arrival at their destination, and the doors opened. Spock hastily stepped forward and headed toward his quarters, the human trailing behind him. "Things are always more complicated than they appear on the surface. Good night, Dr. McCoy."

The doctor stood in the hallway gaping at the empty space his friend had a moment ago occupied. "What just happened?"

….

**A new multi-chapter, yay! Ya'll can thank BlackMetalHeart, it was her request/prompt.**

**Um, I hope no one was confused by Scotty's accent. It's kinda hard to write phonetic sounds and have them legible, so I went real easy on it. I'm not Scottish or an expert on accent writing so if there are any errors, please forgive.**

**I also beg your indulgence with the POV, if it gets difficult to understand anywhere, please let me know and I'll try to fix it.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: The Long Walk Home**

**Summary:** **Spock has been involved with Uhura for the entirety of their 5-year mission; now that the Enterprise is coming home secrets from that relationship are coming to light. Damaged in ways he cannot understand, Spock has nowhere to turn. Dr. McCoy has also been hurting, but the southern boy in him can't stand on the sidelines and watch Spock suffer. Can the broken find healing in each other?**

**Written by request for BlackMetalHeart**

**Chapter Playlist:**

_**Psycho – Puddle of Mudd**_

_**Liars, Inc. – Freakhouse**_

_**Third Degree – Eric Clapton**_

_**Façade – Disturbed**_

_**Songs Like This – Carrie Underwood**_

_**Sympathy – Billy Talent**_

_**If You Want Blood - ACDC**_

**Disclaimer: Um, I've been watching a LOT of old Alfred Hitchcock films the last couple of days and have begun to speak with an older, 1930's & 40's syntax, although I've tried to keep it from effecting my writing, it may have bleed through in a few places. So if you read a sentence, and then have to re-read it because it was phrased or ordered kinda funny, I apologize.**

**I'm trying to get through the majority of the Evil!Uhura and angsty type stuff here in the first couple of chapters so that I can move on and focus on how sweet the 'recovery' and 'healing' part of the story is going to be. Partly because I don't think I'm very good at writing angst and I don't want to make ya'lls eyes bleed and partly because McCoy is just so adorably gooey on the inside I can't wait to get to the part where he and Spock start helping each other get over their issues (they deserve a happy ending).**

**[EDIT 7-17-2011] – Quick cleanup, I was reading these the other day and noticed some errors. Highly unlikely I'll catch 'em all, but I figure it's worth a try.**

**.**…**.**

Chapter Two

Len leaned forward to pass Jim the bottle of saurian brandy. "So, I just had a weird conversation with Spock."

The blonde shot him an incredulous look. "Seriously? I always have weird conversations with Spock. Just the other day I spent like two hours explaining to him that a clothes horse is not actually a horse. Talk about random; does anyone even use that expression anymore?"

"My grandma does."

"No offense Bones, but from what you've told me about her, your grandmother lives in the Stone Age."

"Yeah well, this was different." The doctor frowned. "I think he lied to me."

Jim choked on his sip of brandy. He coughed repeatedly and when he finally spoke it was with watering eyes. "Lied? Spock? Are you sure?"

"No, not really. But he did mention trouble on New Vulcan and it seemed off to me. You get updates directly from the ambassador right? Has he said anything about there being problems?"

"No, no problems that we know of. I mean, there's the usual fledgling colony political B.S., but I wouldn't call it a problem. Selek's not concerned anyway, so I don't see any reason for Spock to be."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. And my grandma does not live in the Stone Age, she lives in the south, life is old there."

Jim snorted. "Old, right. Do ya'll still use rotary dial telephones?" He put emphasis on the word 'ya'll.'

Len rolled his eyes and stood. "No, dumbass we don't use rotary dial telephones, although," He paused thoughtfully. "Grandma probably does have one in her attic somewhere. But what I meant by life being old is that down in the south we don't obsess about the latest gadgets or being on the cutting edge of technology."

The blonde poured another shot of the strong alcohol and passed it to his friend. "I have the distinct feeling that you are trying to insinuate something bad about me."

"'Insinuate,' that's a big word for you. You been using that word-a-day calendar Joanna sent you?"

Jim grinned. "Hey now, there's no need to be rude. I love my little 'care packages' from your daughter. They're virtual, so there's nothing in them quite as exciting as say, a box of homemade cookies, but she does send some neat little doodads from time to time."

"Jim, when have you ever gotten a box of homemade cookies?"

"I haven't, not directly anyway. Wallins three doors down at the academy did though. His mom made a mean oatmeal raisin cookie."

Len stared at his friend. "You're allergic to raisins and all things fruit of the vine."

"And yet- totally worth it."

"Wait; was that second year, when you made me get you all those epi-pens?"

"Yup. Probably would've needed more but Wallins swapped dorms. I think something tipped him off, maybe his mother asked how he liked the cookies."

"I am starting to believe that some serious brain damage might be at the root of all your allergies."

Jim grabbed the nearest handy object- the pillow off his bed- and threw it at the doctor.

The brunette ducked the projectile, laughing. "Easy there, kid, don't want to hurt yourself."

Jim did the mature thing and stuck his tongue out in response.

"Nice. So what do you think we should do about Spock?"

"We have such random conversations you know that? Uh, Spock, lessee….I don't know. What can we do?"

Len gave an exasperated sigh. "Give me the brandy, I'm cutting you off."

"What? Hey, hey!" The blonde held his hand out in the universal gesture for 'stop' and the other clutched the amber liquid to his chest. "You've made your point, I'll be serious."

"Thank you."

Jim sighed and rubbed his head. "What exactly did you talk to Spock about, when he 'lied' to you?"

"I asked him about Uhura, and I mentioned that we had all noticed a change in his behavior lately."

"And that's when he said there were problems on New Vulcan? Which would be a sort of logical answer for the change in personality question…what did he say about Uhura?"

"Nothing. He looked kind of upset when I ran into him in the lift and since he got in on the same deck her room is on, I assumed it had something to do with her." The doctor sat down and leaned forward, propping his elbows in his knees. "This seems like a dangerous leap to take, but do you think his odd behavior is because of some change in his relationship with Uhura?"

The blonde frowned. "That does seem kind of far-fetched. If something was wrong between the two of them I think we would see signs of it on both of them, or at least on Uhura, since Spock is normally a brick wall of emotion. I haven't noticed anything different in Uhura's behavior toward Spock or even in general. Have you seen anything I've missed that might back up your theory?"

"No I haven't, not really. You're right about Nyota, she hasn't been acting any differently toward Spock. I don't know. I just have this gut feeling that something is wrong. You should have seen his face when you mentioned him going on leave with her earlier. He looked…afraid."

Jim laughed. "Well he probably was. I bet Uhura wants to take him home to meet the family. That'll scare the pants off of any guy."

"They've been going out for five years; a normal human couple would probably be married by now. The only reason Jocelyn and I took so long to get married was because I was still in med-school and if my dad stopped paying we wouldn't have been able to afford for me to finish. Spock isn't stupid, if he didn't know before he started dating her, I'm sure he's done enough research by now to know the normal order of things. Besides, I can't see anybody's parents intimidating Spock."

The blonde shook his head. "The key word here being 'normal.' Spock is not normal and therefore anything he touches or does is not normal. Are you sure you're not just jumping at shadows because you're worried about what's gonna happen when you get home?"

Len slumped in his chair. "I can't deny I am concerned about how things are going to work out with Joanna."

"Is Jocelyn going to let Jo stay with you during leave?"

"She really doesn't have much choice, I'm a decorated hero now and no judge is going to rule against me seeing my daughter. It's Joanna that I'm really worried about. She was eight when we got divorced and has gone through most of her formative years without me. I don't know how well she'll handle having an absentee father back in her life suddenly."

"You're not an absent father Bones," Jim laughed bitterly. "_My_ father was absent, you're just…distant. You talk to her as often as Jocelyn will allow and Jo knows that her mother is the main obstacle between the two of you. She knows you love her."

"Yeah, but that doesn't change the fact that she's a teenage girl about to face a major lifestyle change. I've missed so much Jim; I don't know how to make up for it."

"Brother, if anyone should make up for you being gone, it's Jocelyn. Don't worry about it okay? Jo's smart; just don't treat her like a child and everything will be fine."

At the doctor's skeptical look Jim smiled reassuringly. "Take the word of the son of an absent parent. Mom was a lot like you, always gone because of work. She called fairly regularly, but when I was younger I still blamed her for leaving me. When I got older I put the blame where it belonged, on her work schedule. Yeah, I was still mad at her for going along with it and not trying to find a post planet side, but I knew she was just trying to make sure we were taken care of. Maybe I wouldn't have run as wild if she had been there, but maybe it wouldn't have made any difference. What's done is done my friend; you can't change the past and believe me when I say all you'll get is a headache if you try."

"Thank you for that little pearl of wisdom Zen Master Flash. Pass the brandy will ya? Talking about your childhood is starting to depress me."

The blonde laughed and handed the bottle over. "You and I both dude. But if it helps you out, I'm glad I lived through it."

"Thanks, Jim. You're a good friend."

"Don't you cry on me now, 'cause if you start crying, I'll start crying…."

"Shut up." Len shoved him and the blonde fell over onto the bed, still laughing.

..

The doctor yawned as he headed down toward engineering. It had been a few days since his all-nighter with Jim, but the closer they got to earth the more stressed he became and the less sleep he got. His primary shift had just ended and he had agreed to meet with Scotty to unwind. He was still on call, so there would be no drinking, but hopefully the good company would distract him from his worrying.

Jim had decided to accompany him- the captain's inner child hated to be left out. They had just passed on of the lower deck observation rooms when Len thought he heard something and stopped.

The blonde turned. "What?"

The doctor cocked his head in a gesture reminiscent of their Vulcan first officer. "Did you hear that?"

"What?"

"Shhh." They both stood in silence for a moment and then Len started slowly walking back the way they had come, Jim drifting behind him.

"-can't believe you! What-"

The brunette frowned. "Was that Uhura's voice?"

Jim opened his mouth and was about to speak when Scotty came jogging up the passageway. The red-head skidded to a halt next to them. "Hullo boys. Ah was jus' goin' up tae see if Chekov had mah deck of cairds. What're ya doin' standin' in the hall?"

"Shhh."

"-really that stupid-"

Scotty frowned. "Wha's got her knickers in a twist? An' why are we eavesdropin' on Uhura?"

Len scowled. "I don't know Scotty, but I say we go find out."

The doctor slapped the door lock and strode into the observation deck. The engineer exchanged a look with the captain that said 'what's got _his_ knickers in a twist?' and then followed.

The scene before them shocked the three humans, who could only stand and watch numbly as two of their colleagues, whom they had all assumed to be on more than friendly terms, appeared to be arguing violently.

Uhura and Spock stood near the inner wall of the room; the dark skinned woman was poking the Vulcan sharply in the chest with her finger while she yelled. "Why can't you just listen when I tell you something? You're pathetic, you know that? It's no wonder I got stuck with you-nobody else would have the patience to put up with your incessant questioning!"

Len stood with the others and couldn't help but feel that there was something terribly wrong with the whole situation. He had never seen Uhura fly off the handle like that, not even when Jim did something stupid. But what bothered him the most was Spock. It seemed like every other mission they were faced with some irate individual who insisted upon having their own way and wasn't afraid to utilize their voice at the top of their lungs to do it. Together the captain and the first officer could probably write a dictionary of profanity from the mass they'd had thrown at them over the last five years. Jim sometimes got angry and began to shout back, but Spock had always responded in the same manner: a face of stone and a calm voice with which he could usually talk the irritated person into better behavior. The Vulcan could often diffuse a hairy situation in less time than it took for Jim to start one.

Now, however, the first officer looked like he was trying to collapse in upon himself and disappear. The normally level shoulders stooped downward as if in shame and his hands hung limp at his sides. Spock wasn't even making eye contact with Uhura, but instead was staring down at the floor near his feet. The fact that the Vulcan wasn't even trying to defend himself, almost as if he thought he couldn't, and that Uhura was taking advantage of that fact, made something in Leonard's chest tighten uncomfortably. But he simply gaped silently between Jim and Scotty until the slander flung at Spock took a more personal note.

The doctor flinched when the communications officer began to criticize and pick apart Spock's ability as a lover, his own mind flashing back to the many arguments he had had with Jocelyn near the end of their marriage. The ex-wife had been particularly fond of lambasting his sexual prowess when she wanted to hurt the most, which usually was when she had been backed into a corner by one of Leonard's counter-arguments. Whatever was going on between Spock and Uhura seemed to have finally exploded, drenching any and all bystanders in messy over flow. And the female part of the equation didn't seem to care who witnessed the fight.

The new subject matter seemed to disturb Jim as well. He looked pale and his voice was shaky. "I think that's enough."

Spock twitched like he might have heard the captain, but he didn't move or speak and Uhura ranted on. "I told you it was nothing, Asherton and I eat together all the time. You have no right to be jealous and where was all this emotion when we started going out?"

The Vulcan didn't respond and Uhura threw her arms in the air in frustration. "It's like talking to a mirror, you're completely useless! Tell me, have you ever had an original thought in your entire life or did you just wait around until someone else did and then borrow theirs?"

Len felt that he had stood on the sideline and watched his friend get picked on by another one of their so-called-friends for as long as he could stand. He lunged forward at the exact same time Jim bellowed, "That's enough Uhura!"

The woman turned in surprise at the interruption and Leonard hit her dead on. The doctor's momentum carried him into her and both of them into the bulkhead behind. Len pinned her in place with one arm, the sound of his blood rushing in his ears. Scotty moved to the Vulcan's side and he could hear Jim questioning Spock, but he couldn't tell if the first officer was answering. Face to face with Uhura, the brunette struggled with his anger.

"Let go of me." There was an almost petulant whine to her voice, like a child who thought it was being unjustly punished.

"Be quiet you arrogant bitch before I cut off that shiny pony-tail and strangle you with it." Leonard snarled. "What do you think you're doing? I don't know what you think Spock did to you, but I highly doubt it merited your behavior in return. Nothing gives you the right to talk to another sentient being like that." He yanked her forward off the wall and shook her. "Nothing!"

"Of course he deserved it." Uhura lashed out at the doctor's face with her free hand. "You don't know him like I do; he's a conniving son of a bitch and a liar too. He'll twist your words around until you don't know which way is up and which way is down!"

The doctor caught the hand before it could make contact and gave the woman before him a patented Leonard H. McCoy glower. "I don't think you know him half as well as you claim to or you wouldn't say things like that. Spock is a good person and he is my friend. Now, I don't know what part of Earth you're from, but where I come from we stick by our friends; and if I ever hear you talk about him that way ever again I know plenty of places where a body can be hidden so that it won't ever be found. And even if it does, the autopsy will only show C.O.D. to be natural causes."

Scotty eyed the angry CMO nervously. "Ah think we'd best intervene before the good doctor does the lass permanent harm."

Jim moved forward to lay a calming hand on the brunette's bicep. "Stop it Bones, you're behaving as badly as she did."

Len snorted, "Somehow, I doubt that." He gave the dark skinned woman another shake, but let go of her.

Uhura looked relieved for a moment and the captain frowned. "Lt. Uhura you are hereby suspended from active duty until we reach Planet Earth. You will be escorted to the brig, where you will stay for twenty-four hours. If you do not comply with these instructions you can and will be court-martialed for insurrection and a trial date will be arranged for you after we have arrived on Earth. Rest assured that a report will be filed with Starfleet Command regarding your behavior toward a fellow officer and your sentence therein will depend heavily on whether or not Commander Spock presses charges."

Jim gestured to the pair of security personnel who hovered in the doorway. "Take her away."

An ugly look marred Uhura's features and she looked as if she might protest but in the end she let the red-shirts lead her away quietly.

The blonde sighed and rubbed his face tiredly. Bones still looked livid and was clenching and un-clenching his hands as if he was re-thinking the decision not to throttle Uhura. Jim slapped the doctor on the shoulder as he moved past him and tried to lighten the mood with an injection of levity. "Breathe Bones; it won't do Spock any good if you're paralyzed with a conniption fit."

The doctor forced himself to take a deep breath and calm down, visibly at least. Not very deep under the surface he was still a boiling cauldron of anger and violent intentions.

Spock was still standing in the same spot and position that he had held when the three had burst onto the scene; he seemed to have withdrawn into himself to the point where he was no longer fully aware of his surroundings. Leonard found he couldn't look at the Vulcan without experiencing an acute desire to hypo Uhura with something debilitating and possibly disfiguring.

Jim gave another tired sigh. "What do you want to do?"

The brunette jerked. "What do you mean?"

"Well, we didn't witness the fight from the beginning and since Uhura has no history of irrational behavior it is within the bounds of reason to assume that at some point Spock provoked her. Or at the very least participated in the argument."

"Good god man, what are you saying? Do you want to arrest him too, is that's what's going on here? Spock didn't do anything wrong, just look at him for pity sake! "

The blonde shook his head and crossed his arms. "No, I don't want to arrest him! But what choice do I have? Regulations are pretty clear-cut on the subject of officers fighting amongst themselves and if I don't follow regulations Spock could end up in even more trouble before this is all over. I have to at least suspend him until we can ascertain more about the situation or it'll look like favoritism and then it'll be really bad for Spock."

"Is there nae that we can do Captain?" Scotty looked pained. "It dunnae seem fair tae punish Spock. Mind you, Ah dinnae know Uhura as well as Ah do our pointy-eared friend here, but Ah'd bet my best bottle o' brew that Spock wouldnae start nor prolong any sort o' trouble past reasonable means. The poor devil's a pacifist if Ah ever saw one, sir. It's jus' not in his nature."

"Well what do you suggest we do then? It will only hurt Spock in the long run if I let this go without doing anything. If he does press charges against Uhura, whoever she gets to defend her will have a field day with it. And then there's the potential for it to turn into some sort of stereotyping or discrimination case." Jim scowled. "If we're right about the argument all being Uhura's fault and if our past experiences of her being a sneaky bitch when she's angry prove true, then she's probably in the brig scheming about how to turn this to her advantage right now."

"Psych leave."

The blonde and Scotty both turned the stare at the doctor and spoke in unison. "What?"

"You may be the captain, but I'm the CMO and you can't suspend Spock without my approval if he's under psychiatric observation."

Jim gaped. "What? How does that help Spock? You'll have to file a report and Uhura's defense can use it to make Spock look unstable or something. It could end his career; he could be kicked out of Starfleet!"

Len's face was grim. "I'll think of something if it comes to that."

"Bones!"

"Jim, look at him! He's practically comatose as it is, if you suspend him or put him in the brig it may only get worse. I know it doesn't seem like a smart decision in the long run, but Spock needs to be somewhere safe right now, somewhere we can get this all worked out without causing any more damage. We can worry about court-martials and trials later, right now we need to help our friend."

….

**Got my laptop fixed, I can now write where ever I please without feeling responsible for the lives of all those trees sacrificed for my many notebooks.**

**As soon as I finish chapter four, ya'll can have chapter three. So review! It gets the creative juices flowing and makes me write faster.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: The Long Walk Home**

**Summary:** **Spock has been involved with Uhura for the entirety of their 5-year mission; now that the Enterprise is coming home secrets from that relationship are coming to light. Damaged in ways he cannot understand, Spock has nowhere to turn. Dr. McCoy has also been hurting, but the southern boy in him can't stand on the sidelines and watch Spock suffer. Can the broken find healing in each other?**

**Written by request for BlackMetalHeart**

**Chapter Playlist:**

_**End of My Rope – Trapt**_

_**She Loves Me Not - Papa Roach**_

_**I Am Nothing – Katatonia**_

_**City Traffic Puzzle – The Hush Sound**_

_**Mary Come Outside – Christian Kane**_

**Disclaimer: I feel a bit like J.K. Rowling, every installment keeps getting longer than the last. I don't know if I'll be keeping it up though, even Rowling started backing off by book five. My book five may be chapter four. We'll see.**

**I was a little delayed in posting this because I moved! I live in FL now. I am in the midst of unpacking as we speak. I thought I'd just take the time to pop on here and update. **

**[EDIT 7-19-2011] – Quick cleanup, I was reading these the other day and noticed some errors. Highly unlikely I'll catch 'em all, but I figure it's worth a try.**

…**.**

Chapter Three

Spock blinked, gradually becoming more aware of his surroundings with each movement of his eyelids. The air he inhaled smelled sterile with an after bite that was metallic. He must be in sickbay; the oxygen scrubbers on that deck had an additional cycle to try to prevent the spread of any airborne viruses or dangerous bacteria to the rest of the ship. A side-effect of that extra cycle was that the air seemed staler on the medical deck than it did anywhere else on the ship.

The Vulcan opened his eyes completely and sat upright. He had been lying on a low bed welded to the left wall of a small room, six feet wide and ten feet long. The bed was against a long wall, with a door at the end of the room to his right; the wall to his left was bare. At the foot of the bed a small desk and a light weight chair had been placed. Three of the walls, including the one the bed was attached to, were painted a soft blue color. The long wall opposite the bed was holographic and was currently displaying a coastal landscape, with waves gently crashing on a white sandy shore.

Spock swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood. He knew he was on the medical deck, but he could not recall having ever been in such a room before and was not entirely sure what it was used for. He mentally reviewed his knowledge of the deck layout. Sick bay itself took the majority of the space on the deck and the remaining area consisted of the operating chamber, storage, research laboratories, the morgue, and a short wing dedicated for use by psychiatric patients who needed to be housed separately from the rest of the crew.

He eyed his surroundings clinically. The most likely assumption would be that he was in one of those psychiatric rooms, though he had no recollection of how or why he had come to be there. Spock took a deep breath and arranged himself on the floor to meditate. His internal clock told him that he had been asleep for six point three hours and since the only logical explanation to his sleeping for such a long period of time mean that he had been sedated, it would be wise for him to meditate in order to alleviate any after effects that the sedative may have upon his mind. The Vulcan frowned, perhaps the meditation would help repair the gap in his memory as well.

..

Leonard looked up from his PADD when Chapel knocked on the outer wall of his office and then poked her head inside the open door. "What is it?"

"Commander Spock has woken up, sir; I thought you'd like to know." She took in his wrinkled clothes and shook her head. "Have you been here all night? Len, you're not going to do anybody any good if you're exhausted. Surely they told you that in medical school?"

The doctor ignored her comments and stood, stretching as he did so. "You said he's awake, what's he doing?"

"Taking in his situation, last I checked. He'll probably start meditating before too long though, so you might want to hurry if you don't want to have to wait to talk to him."

"Thanks Christine," He kissed her cheek as he passed. "Why don't you take off, we won't be starting docking procedures for another sixteen hours, I think the skeleton crew and I can handle any crisis that may crop up in the interim."

She rolled her eyes, but a smile still formed on her face. "All right superman, but promise me you'll call if you need me?"

"I promise." Len called over his shoulder as left sick bay and headed toward the room that had been assigned to the Vulcan first officer.

Chapel watched him go and shook her head. Leonard McCoy was a good man, a good doctor. Despite the gruff exterior the man had a heart of solid gold, he cared about his patients as if they were his own flesh and blood, but there was such a thing as caring too much. The head nurse collected her things and left sickbay. She wasn't sure as to what exactly had occurred between Spock, Uhura, and the doctor. It was rumored the woman had attacked Spock and when Len tried to stop it, she had attacked him next. The communications officer didn't seem to Christine to be the type of person to lose her head like that, but whatever the case and rumor may be, the fact remained that the dark skinned woman had been remanded to the brig and Spock was under psychiatric observation.

Whatever had happened, she just hoped Len wouldn't be in any kind of trouble. The dear man had enough on his mind without being caught up in other people's drama.

..

When the doctor entered Spock's room, he found the Vulcan meditating. Len watched him for a moment and then sat down at the small desk at the foot of the bed. He took out his PADD and started to compile the information needed for his report while he waited. He glanced at the Vulcan again and sighed. He'd probably be waiting for a while. It would give him time to think though; he needed to figure out a way this whole situation could be resolved that wouldn't have a boatload of negative consequences for Spock.

He and Jim had sent several hours trying to come up with a solution that kept their friend out of trouble and placed the blame where it belonged, on Uhura, with little success. No matter how they wracked their brains they couldn't get Spock off the hook without letting the communications officer off as well. They were both hoping that when he woke up, the Vulcan would be able to provide them with something that would help nail Uhura for the damage done. Remembering the state they had found him in, Len winced and wondered if the Vulcan even realized what the woman had been doing to him.

Knowing how ignorant of the inner mechanics of human relationships the Vulcan was, Leonard had a pretty good idea that Spock had no idea how wrong the way Uhura had been treating him was. And aside from this latest incident they really had no idea as to when the abuse had started. The doctor hoped it was something recent that had set the woman off, it would be better for Spock that way. Long term abuse cases were difficult to resolve, the victims were often so messed up that they thought it was their own fault and wouldn't press charges or agree to any kind of help.

"Dr. McCoy?"

The brunette looked up from the PADD he had been staring at to see Spock looking back at him over his shoulder from where he was seated on the floor. "Oh, hey Spock. I hope I didn't, er, disturb you."

The Vulcan unfolded his long frame from the floor and stood. "I was having difficulty meditating, but I believe that to be no fault of yours."

There was silence between them for a moment and then Spock spoke again. "Why am I here Dr. McCoy?"

Len cleared his throat. "Do you recall the events of yesterday evening?" At the Vulcan's blank stare he continued. "You had a…fight, with Uhura, do you remember?"

"I remember Nyota being upset, but I do not recall an argument."

He looked at Spock sharply, but the Vulcan's face was inscrutable. "I think 'upset' is a little generous, but okay." He muttered and cleared his throat. "Is Nyota upset with you often?"

"I do not understand your line of questioning Doctor. You have not answered my question either, why am I here?"

"You are here, Spock, because I think you need to be. It's safer, for starters."

"How is it safer in this location that any other? Is there something wrong with my quarters? Have we fallen under some sort of attack?"

"I answered one of your questions, now you have to answer one of mine. Does Nyota get upset a lot?"

"Define 'a lot.'"

The doctor leaned forward in his chair. "A lot- often, for example, does she get upset once a week, more than once a week?"

Spock shifted and looked away. "A lot." He said finally.

"Thank you. Now to answer your question: the ship is not under attack and there is nothing wrong with your rooms, it's just safer for you to be here."

"I still do not understand, but I suppose it is not my turn, is it?"

Leonard smiled sadly. "No, it's my turn." He leaned back in the chair and picked up the PADD. "Do remember the first time Nyota became upset with you?"

"Yes. It was three years, seven months, and twenty-six days ago."

At the doctor's stare Spock shifted again. "I have a very good memory."

"Yes you do. It's your turn now; do you have something you want to ask me?"

"Yes, how did I come to be here? I do not recall my arrival."

It was Leonard's turn to shift uncomfortably. "You were… indisposed, Jim and Scotty helped me move you here."

Spock frowned, an expression only made apparent by a slight lowering of his eyebrows and a pinched crease between the two brows. "And your inquiry? I am not sure how I came to be playing this game but it is only valuable if it progresses at an acceptable pace."

"Meaning, only if we get to your questions as soon as possible?" The doctor chuckled and wrote something on the PADD. "What does Nyota usually talk about when she fusses at you? I mean, does she start with a specific area every time? Or does it depend on outside factors, such as events that happened during the day?"

Spock turned and paced the length of the room once, before stopping in front of the doctor. His face had gone blank again and Leonard suddenly knew he wasn't going to get anymore information out of the Vulcan. "I am done answering questions Dr. McCoy, I wish to return to my quarters."

Len nodded. "Okay, Spock, no more questions. I'm afraid I can't release you just yet, there are some things that have to be dealt with first, but I'll let you know when you can go." The doctor stood and gestured to the intercom panel next to the door. "Just let me know if you need anything else and I'll do my best to see that you get it."

"Leonard?"

The doctor paused in the doorway and looked back. "Yeah, Spock?"

"Could you change the holo-screen settings?"

Len glanced at the waves and smiled. "Sure thing, you want anything specific?"

Spock shook his head. "Just change it."

The doctor nodded and left. As he walked back to his office he crossed paths with one of the nurses and stopped him. "Hey, do me a favor and change the holo-screen in Commander Spock's room. Try the desert, or something panoramic that doesn't have any motion. I think the movement messes with his Zen, or whatever he needs to meditate."

"Yes Sir."

Sitting in his office, Len blew out a breath and rubbed his face. He had actually gotten more out of the Vulcan than he had expected, but it wasn't enough to really help. Which didn't really surprise him, his minor was in psychology, not psychiatry, but they had still touched on the subject of abuse plenty. The hospital he had interned at had held an annual awareness banquet for battered women and neglected children and they had guest speakers who told horror stories that still turned his insides cold. So even if he wasn't totally studied up on it, he knew more than he ever wanted to about the various types of abuse.

Setting the PADD aside, Leonard tried to think about the options available for his newest patient. Even after the mess with Uhura was resolved, there were a lot of things that needed to be taken care of in order for Spock to recover properly. It would be best for the Vulcan to be put in some kind of rehab during leave, and after they given their new assignments he would need to have an annual checkup with a shrink. That would be ideal. Of course, given the Vulcan's temperament and their social stigma on all things emotional, Spock would probably refuse to even consider rehabilitation or counseling. Pointy Ears was probably freaking out about the psych observation right now. He'd be liable to blow a gasket if Len even mentioned abuse counseling.

And there was the small matter of what Starfleet would say or do if they knew Spock was having his head shrunk.

Len groaned. The whole situation was a nightmare! Even if he could talk Spock into going to a psychiatrist, the hobgoblin would probably refuse to talk. And if he so much as went to a counselor, forget about actually talking to the doctor, Starfleet would want to send their own doctors and see the records and do their own evaluations before they gave the Vulcan a new position. All things Spock would never agree to.

Somehow he needed to fix the thing with Uhura, get Spock to get some help, and actually see that the treatment was effective, and he had to do it all under the radar. In three months.

Actually he had less than a day to resolve the issue with Uhura. Too bad he couldn't have her committed.

Len sat up straight in his seat. He had an idea-he hated it, boy did he hate it- but it would solve their biggest problem at the moment: Uhura's behavior and Starfleet Command's interest in Spock's mental health. Cursing, the doctor lunged forward and snatched up his communicator. "Sickbay to the Bridge, Jim? I need to talk to you."

..

Uhura sat on one side of the desk in Leonard's office and the doctor and Jim stood on the other. The expression on her face revealed only boredom as the two security officers who brought her to sickbay left the room. Once the door closed behind them, she rolled her eyes. "Why am I here exactly? Are you going to stick me in a room with the half-breed and psycho-analyze us?"

Len spoke through gritted teeth. "You are here to discuss a deal and let me assure that referring to Spock in any derogatory manner will not help your cause."

She sneered. "Right. So what kind of deal are we talking about?"

Jim cleared his throat. "If this gets out it will be bad for both of you. Believe it or not, this kind of behavior is considered a career ender in most circles. We understand that you may be thinking about making a preemptive strike and going directly to command yourself with a nice little story about what happened that will put you in a good light."

Uhura laughed incredulously. "And what? You want to help me with that? You'll forgive me if I find that hard to believe."

"In a manner of speaking we do. You see, if this ends up in review and splashed up in the news, you're going to lose. You know I've got connections and Spock was a well respected teacher at the academy. He's also a tragic survivor that of events that destroyed his home-world and the son of a well known ambassador."

"If it's such a sure thing, why are we talking? I hate to sound like a broken record, but you're not explaining yourself very well."

Jim sighed. "The point is this: we'll win, but it'll be messy. Vulcans are private people, as I'm sure you well know, and we'd like to spare Spock any embarrassment possible."

Len leaned forward, his hands flat on the desk. "I have Spock under psychiatric observation; the admission forms have a date stamp, not a time stamp."

"I don't understand."

"I admitted Spock the day of the argument, if it doesn't say what time, would you say it'd be safe to assume he had been under observation the whole day?"

She started to frown, but it cleared almost immediately. A sly smile curved her mouth. "Yes, I'd say that is a fair assumption."

"And if Spock was under observation all day, don't you think it would be likely that a few simulations might be run, to serve as a stress test of sorts?"

Uhura leaned forward. "So what's the plan? I sign something saying I'll stay away from Spock and the captain here announces that the whole thing, including me being suspended and thrown in the brig, was just a part of some elaborate psych evaluation?"

Jim nodded. "Basically, yes. Your charges will be dropped, nobody's careers are in jeopardy, and nobody gets hurt and everybody walks away happy."

She smirked. "Where do I sign?"

The blonde slid a PADD across the desk and Uhura grabbed the stylus and after scanning the document once, signed on the dotted line. She stood. "So that's it, right?"

Uhura headed for the door and when it opened the two red shirts stopped her from moving past. They looked at Jim for orders.

"Lyn and Dekker are going to escort you to your room; I suggest you lie low for a while. There are some nasty rumors floating around and they're not going to disappear just because we let leak it that your actions were just part of a psych exercise. There are people around here who actually like Spock, and hate to see him hurt."

Leonard scowled as the three prepared to leave. "If she gives you any trouble, throw her out the nearest airlock."

The security officers exchanged glances but followed after Uhura without comment.

Jim moved around the desk and sank into the chair the woman had vacated with a sigh. "At least that's over with."

Len was still scowling, but he also sat down. "That had to be the worst idea I have ever had in my life. I can't believe we just let her off the hook like that. You know she'll do it again, and it'll probably be worse next time."

"Unfortunately that will be someone else's problem."

"Maybe we can tip off her next crew."

The blonde laughed. "Redemption for your sins, Bones? Fun, but a bit un-ethical don't you think?"

"What she did was unethical. Reporting her would simply be justice."

Jim nodded. "Amen brother. So…"

"What?"

"Now that we've dealt with Uhura, what are we going to do with Spock?"

Leonard sighed. "Yeah, I'm still working on that one."

"The report you file on his psych evaluation will have record a clean bill of health or else Command is going to start sniffing around, but you can't get him into a rehab center or counseling without submitting some official paperwork, and even if you somehow got around that little obstacle, what's going to stop them from reporting Spock's attendance? It'd be all over the news in a heartbeat if Spock even steps within ten feet of a place like that anyway. You'd have to find somebody you'd trust to keep their mouths shut to treat him."

"And there is the little matter of him even accepting treatment. It doesn't matter if he goes to a center or if I find a doctor to work with him privately, if Spock won't talk to them it'll be a waste of time."

Jim pursed his lips thoughtfully. "Okay…why don't you treat him then? He'll talk to you. He probably trusts you the most out of all of us anyway."

The doctor stared. "Are you kidding? I'd probably kill him. You know his backward Vulcan logic annoys the hell out of me."

"Aw c'mon, Bones. Each little member of our twisted little quartet has his own contribution to the whole. Scotty's the imagination, I'm the intuition, Spock's the brains, and you're the heart. Outside you're all tough and prickly, but everybody knows how soft you are inside. You my friend are one giant marshmallow." The blonde laughed.

"I am not." Len protested. "I was just raised better than you is all."

"Marshmallow."

"Oh, get out of my office!"

..

Leonard glared at the docking platform attendant and the shuttle pilot. How they actually expected people to willingly fly in those little tin cans never ceased to amaze him. "When do we take off?"

"In about ten minutes sir, but you need-"

"Then come back and pester me again in ten minutes!' He barked. "If you think I'm going to sit in that death trap any longer than absolutely necessary you are out of you mind."

The attendant and pilot looked at each other helplessly as Jim called out from over their shoulders. "Have a safe flight Bones! Try not to kill anyone. Or throw up on them."

The doctor leveled his glare at the blonde who stood in a different shuttle line a few feet away. "I'll kill _you_ if you don't shut up James Tiberius Kirk."

Spock smoothly stepped between the brunette and his supposed adversaries, one of which was cackling madly at the stressed doctor's plight. "Dr. McCoy, if you will please board the shuttle we can be under way. The pilot needs the remaining gate time to complete check list procedures so that we can take off. He cannot begin to do this until all of the passengers are on board, it is against Starfleet regulations."

Leonard muttered a few choice words about Starfleet regulations under his breath, but he followed the Vulcan onto the cramped shuttle. A few of the other passengers who were former crew members of the Enterprise and knew about the doctor's fear of flying watched anxiously as the man took his seat. Spock sat next to the agitated doctor and the pilot squeezed past on her way up to the cockpit. The attendant hovered anxiously for a moment, wringing his hands, before going to close the hatch and take his own seat.

"I still don't understand why they don't just beam us where ever we need to go." The brunette grumbled. "As harrowing as that is, it would be better than this."

Spock quirked his eyebrows in a Vulcan smile and leaned over to check the doctor's safety harness. "I would formulate a response but I believe that your comments thus far have been rhetorical, with the purpose of making you 'feel' better."

Len looked at the Vulcan curiously. "Why did you do that?"

"Do what?"

The doctor tugged at the harness straps that crossed over his chest. "Check the straps like that."

The Vulcan looked away; a light green flush tinged his ears and cheeks. "I thought that perhaps it would ease some of your fear if you were assured of the integrity of the safety harness."

"Oh." Len felt himself begin to blush and cleared his throat. "Thank you. I suppose it does help. And thank you again, for agreeing to come home with me."

Spock fastened his own harness and affected an air of longsuffering that he had probably learned from Jim. "If I had not agreed I image you would have found another way to enforce this 'treatment' you insist that I require."

"I know you don't see it Spock and maybe you never will, but I really think this will help you. I knew you would be uncomfortable discussing the things we're going to talk about with a stranger and I appreciate that you value our friendship enough that you would agree to this." Leonard grinned. "And if you hadn't come voluntarily I would have pulled a stunt like I did five years ago to get Jim aboard the Enterprise and forced you to come anyway."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Then I am glad a more peaceable solution was agreed to."

The shuttle jerked and vibrated as it separated from the docking platform and the doctor's arms flailed outward, grasping a hold of the first thing they contacted. The left found a long brace that connected the seats to the bulkhead walls and the right gripped Spock's shoulder.

"If I pass out," Leonard forced out between white lips. "Don't wake me up."

..

Still a little pale from the flight, but quickly recovering, Leonard crossed the street and knocked on the door of a small antiquated Auto Repair shop. The doctor had left Spock and their luggage inside the shuttle terminal. A slightly rusty sign tacked to the chain link fence surrounding the terminal building read 'Welcome to Dublin, Georgia."

The brunette knocked on the door again and from within came the sound of slow foot-steps and a voice called out, "Hold yer horses now, I'm comin.'"

The doctor was forced to take a step back as the door swung open and a slight, balding man stepped out and blinked in the sunlight. He stared for a moment and then recognition lit the old man's face. "Len McCoy! I do declare. Its good tah see ya boy."

"Hey Marty," Len smiled. "You been taking care of Lucy for me?"

Marty cackled gleefully. "Yessiree, I shore* have. It's been a pleasure keepin' 'er I ashore you. Betty sayd that I should be thankin' you fore letin' us keep 'er fore so long."

"No problem, listen, do you think you could bring her over to the Shuttle Terminal for me? A friend of mine is going to be staying with me for a while and I don't want to leave him on his own for too long. He's never been to Georgia before and I don't want any of ya'll scaring him off before he has a chance to love it."

"Lemme jus' grab mah keys and we'll be raht over."

Leonard hurried back across the road to the shuttle station. He pulled the door open and stuck his head inside; when he located Spock he waved the Vulcan over. "Our ride'll be here any minute, if you'll hand me my bag we can wait out here."

Spock nodded and collected their things. The Vulcan followed the slightly shorter male out the door and to the sidewalk. Just as they reached it, a white pick-up truck pulled up to the curb. Marty hopped out of the driver's side and tossed a set of keys to Leonard, who caught them.

The old man waved. "Jus' lemme know if'n you go out of town again, Len. Betty 'n I'll be happy tah keep 'er fore ya."

"I will." The doctor waved goodbye to Marty and then grinned at the Vulcan standing next to him. "Spock, this is Lucy, she's an old friend of the family."

"You have named your vehicle."

"Actually my great-grandmother named her. You are looking at a 1987 Ford F-150. My great-grandfather dug the shell and chassis out of a junkyard and rebuilt it. Four wheel drive, V6 engine with five on the floor. A piece of American history my pointy eared friend."

Spock eyed the truck. "May I inquire as to what type of fuel it uses?"

"Great-Grandpa Hugh converted it to ethanol."

"The twentieth century alternative to fossil fuel."

"He wanted to be as authentic as possible."

"I see. And where do you acquire the fuel from? I was under the impression that since the transportation vehicles on the planet earth no longer use such primitive combustion engines it was decided that the fuel required for operating them would no long be manufactured."

"It's true the government doesn't make or refine anything like ethanol or petroleum, but there aren't any laws in place saying private citizens can't make the stuff. You're just not allowed to sell it if you do." Leonard tossed their bags in the back and hopped up into the cab. "I have a cousin up in the old Kentucky area that has a gift with distilled corn products. He ships me whatever I need and I have a tank on the farm that I store it in."

Spock climbed into the truck and watched curiously as the doctor stuck a key in the ignition and cranked the engine. The vehicle lumbered to life and Leonard grinned at him before putting it in gear. "Better buckle up, it's more than an hour drive out to the farm and the last ten miles or so are dirt roads."

The Vulcan obligingly reached over his shoulder and pulled the strap across his body and snapped the buckle. "Will your daughter be waiting for us?"

"No, Jocelyn's supposed to bring her down tomorrow. 'Lyn remarried last year. Her new husband Garry works in Atlanta so they live up there." Leonard hesitated as they drove past a restaurant. "It'll be well past six before we get to the house, do you want to stop and get something to eat? There'll be some stuff at the farm, one of the neighbors sort of house sits for me and she knows we're coming so she turned down the air conditioner, bought some basic food supplies, and did some cleaning to make sure the place was livable, but if you want we can get something to eat here in Dublin."

"I am not hungry at this time."

"Okay, if you're sure…."

While he drove the doctor kept a running commentary of the history of the area. Once they left city limits and the houses became fewer and further between Spock would have thought there to be less to talk about, but Leonard never seemed to run out of things to say. The human told about the people in the farm houses they passed, whether they were people he had actually met, or just people he had heard rumors about. Although the McCoys were predominately from Mississippi, the brunette's mother's side of the family were all Georgia born and had connections with a lot of the other families in the area.

The Vulcan listened selectively, the talk about the land itself and topography holding more interest than the back stories. At any point he found himself growing tired or irritated by the brunette's dialogue Spock often found himself thinking about how he would have described the area of Vulcan where he had grown up. Deciding that he would have likely talked about it in a manner very similar to what Leonard was doing now, his manners would kick back in and he would begin to pay attention to the human's words again.

When they had finally arrived at the house the heat of day had broken, despite there still being a few hours left to the sun's sinking journey across the sky. A cool breeze stirred up and Spock fought back a shiver. He ignored the slight discomfort and stared at his surroundings. The ranch house was a sprawling affair, two stories tall and a unique blend of pale gray brick and white wood. An enclosed porch wrapped around three sides of the building; tall limbs from pecan trees in the back yard were visible over the corrugated metal roof. A barn stood a hundred yards from the house and a wooden fence ran out from both sides of the large red building and continued out along what Spock assumed was the property line, one side taking a right angle and disappearing behind the house. "How much land are you in possession of?"

"I've got a hundred twenty-three acres. The house sits on what I guess you could call the bottom right hand corner. The border is fenced as well as several smaller sections inside. I run anywhere from fifty to a hundred head of cattle on the back eighty. I usually keep the horses in the two smaller pastures, about twenty acres apiece and rotate them. There is about five acres fenced around the barn where I keep the older riding stock. The house and its yard are roughly three acres. There's a garden in the back that I haven't really used since I got the place."

"How long have you owned the property?"

Leonard frowned thoughtfully while he grabbed their bags out of the back of the truck. He gestured for Spock to precede him up the stone walk to the house. "It was my grandpa's farm originally, on my mother's side. Grandpa grew wheat, cotton, and pecans, just enough to support his family. The pecan grove behind the house still produces a pretty decent crop, but it's more of a ranch now than a farm. Anyway, he gave the place to me a year or so after I got my doctorate, so I guess it's been mine for about twelve years."

"If you will pardon the intrusive nature of the question, but how do you pay for all this? Is it not expensive?"

The doctor unlocked the front door and set the bags down in the foyer. He walked deeper into the house, talking as he went. Spock trailed after the brunette, listening. "Under normal circumstances, yes, it would probably be hard for most people to pay for it. Property tax alone on that much land is a decent chunk of change. Throw in mortgage, general upkeep, and the livestock and you've got a pretty astronomical figure. Fortunately for me, Grandpa had paid off the land and the house long before he gave it to me. The beef pays for itself and the yearly gross from the pecans pay the taxes. Anything grown organically fetches a good price at market. So the only thing I really pay for out of pocket is the upkeep and the horses, which on my doctor's salary isn't too difficult."

They were now in the kitchen and Leonard poured them both some water to drink. Spock accepted the glass and looked around. The kitchen was a large room with maple cabinets and dark granite counter tops. The island was free standing, made entirely of wood, with a four inch thick maple cutting board style top. It sat on industrial sized caster wheels that were locked to keep the island in place in the middle of the kitchen. All the sinks and appliances were stainless and looked like they had seen years of use. There was a long dining table made of out roughly finished wood to appear rustic. It had two benches on the long sides and a tall backed chair at each end, all with the same aged appearance. The wall running parallel to the table contained a series of wide windows that were butted up against each other and looked out into the pecan orchard. Several horses could be seen grazing under the huge boughs.

"I'll have to give an official tour of the house later, but for now I'll give you the layout so you don't get lost." Len put his glass in the sink and drifted back into the foyer. He pointed to the broad wooden staircase. "All the bedrooms are upstairs. Grandpa Allen had six kids, five boys and one girl. He put the younger four boys in two rooms with a connecting bath, Jocelyn renovated them into His and hers guest rooms. That's the first two doors on the right; you'll be staying in the first one. The eldest boy, my Uncle Roy, got his own room, that's the door on the left. We converted it into a library of sorts. Momma's room is the one next to it, which is now Joanna's room, and it has its own bathroom. The third door on the right is a bathroom and the door opposite it is a closet. The master bedroom is at the end of the hall."

Spock nodded to show his understanding a picked up his bag.

"The down stairs is fairly simple. The kitchen and dining area is on the right. The mudroom is straight through the kitchen. On the left here is the den, which you have to go through to get to the game room and my study. There are two doors on the far right wall, the door on the right is the study and the left is the rec room. There is a third door on the outside wall that will take you out onto the porch." The doctor pointed to a door in the wall below the staircase. "That goes down to the basement. The laundry room is down there as well as some exercise equipment, but mostly its storage."

He glanced at the Vulcan. "Think you'll be okay? Most of the furnishings are kind of old fashioned, but there's an intercom is just about every room so you can holler if you can't figure out how to use something."

Spock quirked an eyebrow, "I believe I shall be 'okay.'"

"Alright. I'll be in the barn, if you want to come out after you've settled in. If you're hungry just dig around till you find something, I'll probably be out there a while so don't feel like you have to wait for me. The third button on the intercom system goes straight to the barn, so if you need something don't hesitate to ask."

"Thank you for your hospitality Leonard."

The doctor smiled. "No problem Spock. I'll see you in a bit."

The Vulcan nodded and began to climb the stairs. He heard the front door open and close behind him and suddenly felt anxious to be in a strange home all alone. What if something should break? Would Leonard blame him for it? Spock shook himself mentally and entered his new room. It wouldn't do to start thinking so ungraciously about his host and friend.

….

***No you weren't reading a bunch of typos, that's just me trying to write a southern accent. I tell you, I've lived in Georgia since I was seven years old and there are about fifteen different accents in this state and it makes it rather difficult to narrow things down to just a few words to use for illustration. I think you'll notice I haven't even tried to give McCoy an obvious accent, although we all know he's got one.**

**That last section I had almost decided to cut from this chapter and make it the beginning of chapter four, but I figured ya'll wouldn't mind another 2,000 words or so (and as it is Sunday, February 13, as I write this, it's not likely that it will delay the planned posting of Chapter two on Thursday if I add more to the chapter).**


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: The Long Walk Home**

**Summary:** **Spock has been involved with Uhura for the entirety of their 5-year mission; now that the Enterprise is coming home secrets from that relationship are coming to light. Damaged in ways he cannot understand, Spock has nowhere to turn. Dr. McCoy has also been hurting, but the southern boy in him can't stand on the sidelines and watch Spock suffer. Can the broken find healing in each other?**

**Written by request for BlackMetalHeart**

**Chapter Playlist:**

_**Rest In Pieces – Saliva**_

_**Molly's Chambers – Kings of Leon**_

_**Everything You Ever Wanted – Hawk Nelson**_

_**My own Hell – Five Finger Death Punch**_

_**Garden – Karen Elson**_

_**The Only One – Evanescence**_

**Disclaimer: And yet chapter four is still of reasonable length. Sometimes I impress myself.**

**I'm sorry about how late this chapter is. School has really zapped my creative energy. I haven't finished chapter five yet, but I thought that it was well past time to update so I'm posting this anyway. **

**[EDIT 7-19-2011] – Quick cleanup, I was reading these the other day and noticed some errors. Highly unlikely I'll catch 'em all, but I figure it's worth a try.**

…**.**

Chapter Four

The guest room he had been given was sizable and decorated in a scheme of warm earth tones. The bedroom set, consisting of a double bed, nightstand and dresser, were all made of wood, stained a dark mahogany. The carpet was soft tan shag and the walls were painted a two-tone that changed from hunter green to cream at a piece of trim that ran along the wall at hip-height. A heavy antique desk and chair sat in one corner and a bookshelf in another. There were a few leather bound books on the shelves; the rest of the space was filled with knick-knacks that were meant to match the décor. The one large window in the room looked out at the barn. Its drapes were floor length and dark brown in color.

Spock set his bag on the double bed and began putting his clothes away. He unpacked his candles for meditation and set them on top of the dresser. He set the PADD he had brought with him on the bedside table next to his personal communicator. The Vulcan had just put his now empty bag in the closet when his communicator beeped. When he picked it up the screen indicated a missed call and a new voice message. He checked the caller ID and hesitated when he read that the call had come from Lt. Uhura. Leonard said he should not have any contact with Nyota.

He took a deep breath and accessed his voice mail inbox. Surely it would do no harm to listen to what the woman had to say? Spock waited while the computer retrieved the audio file and flinched when Nyota's voice came from the speakers, her tone harsh and biting.

"You're a spineless coward! What, you couldn't even scrape up the courage to break up with me in person; you had to get Blondie and Dr. Doom to do it for you? That's really pathetic Spock. But you know what? I'm not going to let it bother me. _You_ aren't going to bother me. You know why? Because you are beneath me, Spock. I can do so much better than you and I honestly don't know why I wasted my time with you in the first place. Goodbye and good riddance to bad trash, as my mother would say. Enjoy the rest of your lonely life Spock, because with your personality that's all you are ever going to be: lonely."

Spock listened numbly as the message ended and the prerecorded voice on the communicator announced the end of the new messages and asked if he wanted to listen to it again. He turned the device off and set it on the night stand. He stood for a long moment, his breathing ragged in his own ears and walked to the window. Looking out he could see Leonard standing in the entrance to the barn and talking on his own communicator. The Vulcan took a deep breath and consciously tried to stop the tremor in his hands.

It was highly unlikely that the doctor would be talking to Nyota. This sudden onset of paranoia was illogical. Spock turned away from the window and went into the bathroom. Leonard was probably just checking on his daughter.

It took the Vulcan a few minutes to figure out how all the knobs and dials in the old-fashioned shower stall worked and when he had he set about getting cleaned up. Every amenity in the bathroom was antiquated just as Leonard had said. It amused Spock slightly how some humans seemed to cling to the ways of the past more than others. The warm water loosened his muscles and he was pleased to note that by the time he had finished his shower his hands had stopped shaking.

He dressed in a pair of black trousers and a white button down shirt that his mother had given him and stuck his feet into his regulation boots. Aside from an old worn-out pair of Vulcan footwear, he really did not own much in the way of shoes. His hair was still damp and Spock hated the way it curled lightly when it was wet, but unfortunately, unlike on the ship, here he really had no place to hide until it finished drying and he could comb it into place.

Pulling his shoulders back and berating himself for exhibiting such cowardice, Spock strode from the room and went to find his host. The air outside was cooling and he wondered briefly if it would not have been wise to put on an additional layer before leaving the house. He found Leonard inside the barn, were it was dark and considerably cooler. The human looked up at his approach.

"Hey, Spock, did you need something?"

The Vulcan shook his head. "Negative. I merely wished to see what you were doing."

Leonard laughed. "Alright. I'm not doing much right now, just checking on the horses. I thought I might go for a ride this evening but I got busy talking to Jim and now I don't think I have time."

"I am sorry to hear that."

The doctor shrugged. "It's alright, really. There'll be plenty of time tomorrow and hopefully Joanna will feel like going with me then."

"Does she have her own horse?"

"Oh yeah, c'mon, I'll introduce you."

Spock followed the human out of the barn. Leonard pointed at a horse standing near the water trough in the paddock. "The palomino is Captain Kidd, he's Joanna's. The dapple gray standing next to him is Apache Gunsmoke, I ride him sometimes, but he's really just to keep the others company. The big black Tennessee Walker in the back pasture that you can see if you squint your eyes is Johnny Cashed, he used to be Jocelyn's horse. My horse, Belle Anna, is out there with Johnny, but we can't see her right now. The rest of the horses are breeding stock.

"You notice how much bigger they are than the other horses? That's because they're draft horses. In the old days people used them to pull wagons and plows. I've got a couple brood mares and stallion. Bobby Hickman has a farm a few miles from here; we swap studs every now and then, since us both have Percherons."

"I believe you mentioned the Hickman family during our drive over here."

"The Hickman's and Coleman's have lived in this part of Georgia for more than a century. That's a whole lot longer than my Mamma's family, who've only been in the area the last hundred years or so. Believe it or not, we're still considered new comers around here." Leonard grinned. "Well I don't know about you, but I'm getting hungry. C'mon, let's see what we can find in the house."

Standing in the kitchen once more Spock watched as the doctor pulled items out of cupboards and the antique refrigerator. Leonard set an assortment of vegetables and a loaf of bread on the island and gestured at the door in the wall behind the Vulcan. "The house isn't exactly update in all its appliances-a source of contention with Jocelyn- but there is an old replicator in the pantry over there. I never use it, so I'm not sure what shape it's in, but you are more than welcome to check it out. In fact, if you want to go through the replicator inventory and the refrigerator and make a list, I'll be going into town sometime in the next couple of days and I can pick up whatever you need."

The doctor paused as he cut up lettuce and looked at Spock. "We should probably get you some clothes too."

The Vulcan ignored an irrational pang of hurt created by that comment. "Is there something wrong with the way I am attired?"

Leonard laughed. "No, no, you look good. But you'll need at least one pair of jeans and maybe some work boots if you're going to be staying here long. Unless you plan to stay inside the house the whole time," He hesitated, "Which is fine if, you know, that's what you want to do."

Spock shook his head, not trying to ignore a rush of warmth created by the doctor's words. "I enjoy time spent outdoors." He eyed his own black pants. "Perhaps it would be best to acquire more 'hearty' clothing."

"Good." Leonard handed the Vulcan a salad bowl. "Joanna with be overjoyed to hear she gets to go clothes shopping. She'll take over if you let her, so don't let her talk you into anything you don't want."

Spock took the bowl and sat in one of the chairs at the end of the table. The doctor sat on one of the benches, angling his body so that he was facing the Vulcan more directly. Leonard had prepared for himself a salad only slightly smaller than the one he had given Spock and a peanut butter and honey sandwich. The two ate in companionable silence for a while and then it was broken by the human who gestured to his friend's hair with his fork.

"I assume the curl comes from your mother's side? I don't know that I've ever heard of a Vulcan with curly hair."

Spock self-consciously touched the hair that curled gently against the nape of his neck. "Yes."

Leonard sensed the Vulcan's discomfort and smiled softly. "My mamma's hair curled like that, not crazy cork-screw curls like my sister, but just sort of wavy. Her hair was black like yours too, I thought it was one of the prettiest things I had ever seen when she would just brush it out and leave it down all day. Joanna got my daddy's hair, red and straight as a poker. She always wanted it to curl so badly."

Spock was not sure what sort of response to make, but fortunately he was saved by a knock on the front door.

The doctor frowned and stood. "Who could that be?" He paused on his way out of the kitchen, "When you're done just put the dishes in the sink, I'll wash up later."

The Vulcan finished his salad and put the bowl and utensils in the sink as asked. He had heard Leonard answer the door, a man the doctor called Frank had been the one who knocked. The two men had spoken briefly about the horses before stepping outside. They were out of Spock's earshot now. He went upstairs but instead of going to his room he entered the library. He had not been sure as to what to expect, the majority of the libraries he had visited during his time on Earth no longer contained actual books of paper and ink. They were more like large public waiting rooms full of comfortable chairs and tables since most information was stored digitally these days. Some libraries still had sections that contained books, but they were usually kept behind glass and you needed special permission to view them.

Leonard's library was more like what the Vulcan had imagined a library was supposed to look like. The walls were lined with shelves that were stuffed full of books that were to Spock's Vulcan eye sorted into genre and then in alphabetical order by author. The room was the same size as his bedroom and despite how full it was, it stirred no feeling of claustrophobia. There stood a square table in the middle of the room, with four chairs and a lamp.

He moved about the room, reading the titles inked onto well worn spines. Spock wondered how many of the books the doctor had purchased and how many had been inherited. His fingers caught on a large volume marked 'Gray's Anatomy' and carried it to the table. The Vulcan sat down and began to flip through the delicate pages of the book, intrigued by the information preserved in such primitive form between the covers.

..

Len sat up in bed and frowned. The chronometer on the bedside table read three thirty-six a.m. He pushed the covers and sheet aside and went into the master bathroom. He blinked rapidly as the light clicked on over head. The doctor splashed some water on his face and stared at his reflection in the mirror. Something had waked him up. He was not what you'd call a light sleeper either; Leonard had learned the delicate art of being able to sleep through anything during his internship when sleep was scarce and very precious. He dried his face and walked back into the bedroom, hitching the loose sleeping pants he wore as he did so. The draw string in them had broken a few years ago and although they often hung dangerously low on his hips, they had yet to fall off, so he didn't feel particularly motivated to buy a new pair.

He sat on the long cedar chest at the foot of the king size bed and closed his eyes. What had waked him up? He couldn't remember having a dream of any kind, of course that didn't really mean anything- he often forgot dreams immediately after waking up. Although if the dream was distressing enough to wake him, he usually remembered what had happened in them. Maybe he had heard something. Len thought of the horses and went to the window. It was a full moon and he could see the barn and its surrounding area clearly, but the animals grazing inside the paddock didn't seem to be upset in any way.

The doctor sighed and rubbed his face. It was probably just the house settling that had woken him. It had been years since the last time he had been home, his body was used to sleeping over the noises created by machinery in a spaceship, not an old house in Georgia. Hopefully it wouldn't take too long for him to readjust- Len loved his sleep.

But since he was up, he glared at the red numbers on display on the bedside stand; he might as well go down to the office and check his messages again. Starfleet was known not to respect time-zones when it came to medical documents and he had been expecting the feedback for Spock's psych evaluation to show up at any minute. It wasn't very likely that Command would question the report or ask for a second opinion (not on a clean report anyway) but he was still anxious to make sure that there were no snags in this case.

Len yawned began the long shuffle downstairs. Maybe he should rearrange the house and figure out some way to put his bed room closer to his office and the kitchen. He was musing about moving into the Rec room and adding on another bathroom when he heard a noise from one of the guest rooms and froze. He stood, posed at the top of the stairs, and listened. It came again, a wet sort of snuffling sound. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He knew what that sound was and now he knew why he had woken up.

Every intern and resident learns to sleep through nurses screaming codes and ambulance sirens, but every father in the universe learns to wake up when they hear the sound of crying.

Pavlov's dog had nothing on the type of conditioning that came with fatherhood.

Leonard moved to stand outside the door and listened intently. He doubted that Spock was awake, if the Vulcan reserve did not crack to allow tears at the death of his mother, it would be highly unlikely that he would allow himself to cry openly for anything remotely less traumatic than the loss of a parent. So that meant Pointy Ears was still asleep. The doctor winced. The poor Vulcan must be having one hell of a nightmare.

He was almost more shocked by the fact that Spock was asleep than the fact that the Vulcan was having a bad dream. Len wasn't too sure about the average Vulcan sleep cycle, but he had been this particular hybrid's doctor for five years and he knew his sleep patterns. Spock usually went seventy-two hours awake, with intermittent meditation, followed by six hours of sleep. Since the former Commander had been sedated for a period of almost seven hours, less than forty-eight hours ago- he found it very odd for the Vulcan to be sleeping again so soon. Something must have happened that put an abnormal amount of stress into Spock's system and wore him down more than usual.

He carefully turned the knob and opened the door. The Vulcan laid twisted in the sheets the light sheen of sweat covering his skin visible in the moonlight. As Len watched Spock whimpered and his legs kicked out, twisting the sheet further around his body. The human stepped silently into the room on bare feet and crossed to the bed. He gently touched the Vulcan's shoulder, noting the cold and clammy feel of the skin beneath his fingertips.

"Spock," He called softly and applied pressure with his fingers. "Wake up buddy."

The words sounded loud even in his ears, but he still jumped backward in surprise as the Vulcan jerked violently into wakefulness.

"Woah- it's okay," He spoke soothingly and without thinking reached out his hand and laid it back onto Spock's shoulder. "It was just a bad dream, everything's alright now. Just take a deep breath and try to relax. Okay? C'mon, deep breath, relax, I've got you."

The Vulcan shuddered at the contact but nodded and tried to slow his breathing. Spock felt discombobulated. His mind turned at rapid pace, his thoughts were in disarray and he kept flashing back to Nyota's harsh words and the helplessness he felt when his mother had died. He did not understand why, but he felt the doctor's presence at this time to be comforting.

Spock blinked and struggled to arrange his thoughts. "Dr. McCoy?"

"Yeah, Spock?"

"Why are you here?"

Leonard laughed. "Well, it's my house so I kinda live here. But since I believe you were referring more to my presence here, in your room: I'm here to help."

"I do not understand; how can you help me?"

He ignored the question. "You were having a nightmare Spock; do you want to talk about it? It will help." The doctor smiled. "Trust me; I'm an old hand at it. Joanna used to have bad dreams all the time."

Spock still seemed to be having trouble processing his words, so Len sat on the edge of the bed and tried to think of something that would help the Vulcan. It would sometimes take Joanna a few minutes after she had woken up to be comfortable enough to talk about what she had experienced. The doctor had usually filled that space by talking about something that had happened during the day or something similarly relevant. He handed the Vulcan a tissue and sighed softly at the blank stare he received in return.

"Spock," He cleared his throat. "I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that your distress right now has something to do with Uhura. Are you sure you don't want to tell me about it? I'm your friend; all I want to do is help."

Spock slowly took the tissue but did not use it. He stared down at the white material in his hands for a long moment before taking a deep breath. "There was a message from Nyota on my communicator when I checked it earlier this afternoon. It was not…pleasant."

"Idiot."

The word caused the Vulcan to flinch, but he was confused by the feeling warmth and a mild sense of affection that came from the point where Leonard's hand lay on his shoulder. Whenever Nyota had used such words in reference to him they had usually been accompanied by hostility. He had observed Jim and the doctor exchanging insults in good humor before, but he had never experienced such a thing directed at him. He was not entirely sure as to its purpose, but he had been beginning to see the importance of the kind of bond between two people that allowed for such behavior. It was...comforting.

The doctor smiled humorlessly. "When I told you not to listen to anything she had to say I wasn't just saying that for my benefit. There is something wrong with that woman."

Spock frowned. He did not see how any of Nyota's actions could have indicated that the flaw in the relationship had originated with the woman herself; surely it had been obvious that any fault lay with him?

Leonard read some of the Vulcan's doubt on his friend's face and sighed. "Look, some people just don't belong together. I hate to subject anyone to the nonsense Jocelyn and I put each other through, but it looks like you need to hear some of it in order to be convinced of the frailty of many romantic relationships. Usually it's nobody's fault in particular, but sometimes it's obvious that due to certain personality traits one party is more to blame than the other.

"Jocelyn and I are the perfect example of two people who should have never gotten married in the first place. Our personalities were too similar and our likes and dislikes were too different. You know that old expression, 'familiarity breeds contempt?' Well it pretty much describes my entire marriage. In most relationships it's the time a part that kills it, but not with us. The distance did us good. It was okay when we started out dating because we were both in school and we didn't see very much of each other. And then after we got married our work schedules were always busy. But after Joanna was born I made sure I got a lighter shift, Jocelyn quit her job, and then Grandpa gave me this place and suddenly we found ourselves in a much closer proximity that we were used too.

"And that's when we figured out just how much we couldn't stand each other." The brunette smiled ruefully. "It wasn't immediate of course, but it didn't take very long for little habits that at first seemed cute or quirky became annoying. We might have gotten over stuff like her snoring or the way I chew food, but with all the new time on our hands we had inevitably started talking about what we wanted for the future. How many children, whether Jocelyn would go back to work or stay home with the kids and it just suddenly became apparent how different the things we wanted were.

"I wanted more kids, Jocelyn didn't. She wanted to sell this place and live somewhere more metropolitan and I didn't. And in the long run we were both to stubborn to work out a compromise. By the time Joanna turned six we were fighting all the time. We did a trial separation, we even tried counseling once, but nothing seemed to help. Divorce was the easiest way out and we took it. After we made up our minds it actually got better for a while. We stopped arguing all the time, but the damage had already been done. Things had been said that could never be taken back."

Leonard ran a hand through his hair, causing many of the already sleep rumpled strands to stand on end. "I guess you could say we ended on a rather amicable note. She didn't try to take the house or any of the money. Jocelyn didn't want anything out of the divorce except Joanna, which in the end was more than I could give. So it got ugly again. There was more shouting and name calling, a lot of childish behavior on both our parts. The judge ruled in Jocelyn's favor in the end though, and why not? It is logical for the child to go with her mother, isn't it? That's what the courts said anyway."

"I think you would have done an excellent job of raising your daughter." Spock said quietly.

The brunette blinked, he had almost forgotten that he wasn't alone. He smiled gratefully at the Vulcan. "Thank you, Spock. I appreciate you saying that."

Spock ducked his head in embarrassment. He had wiped his face while Leonard had been distracted by telling his story. The Vulcan hadn't realized that Nyota's words had upset him to the point that he had begun to cry in his sleep. It had been a long time since he had let something like that slip through, since his mother had died in fact, and he found it mortifying that his friend had found him in such a state. Fortunately the doctor seemed to understand his want for privacy and stood.

"It's late, and I'm going to go back to bed. We are going to talk about this later, okay, Spock? I realize that you are used to shoving all your emotions under a finely lacquered shield and insisting that nothing is wrong, but it's not healthy. You're part human and that part needs to vent." He hastily added. "It's not a criticism, merely a fact. You need to learn how to deal with this so that it won't create problems for you in the future."

Leonard observed the expressionless face before him and sighed. "Good night Spock."

"Good night Dr. McCoy."

The doctor shook his head and left the room. He could only hope that eventually Spock would come to understand his situation and begin to open up. Briefly, Len pondered the wisdom in bringing Pointy Ears home with him. Starting tomorrow he'd have to deal with his teenage daughter and the stone faced Vulcan. He groaned as he crawled back into bed and placed the pillow over his face. He was getting in way over his head, way too quickly.

….

**Review so that the story may continue!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: The Long Walk Home**

**Summary:** **Spock has been involved with Uhura for the entirety of their 5-year mission; now that the Enterprise is coming home secrets from that relationship are coming to light. Damaged in ways he cannot understand, Spock has nowhere to turn. Dr. McCoy has also been hurting, but the southern boy in him can't stand on the sidelines and watch Spock suffer. Can the broken find healing in each other?**

**Written by request for BlackMetalHeart**

**Chapter Playlist:**

_**Gone Forever – Three Days Grace**_

_**Do This Anymore – Nickelback**_

_**Right Turn – Alice In Chains**_

_**Guiding Light – Muse**_

_**When It's Over – Loverboy**_

_**Thanks for the Memories – Fall Out Boy**_

_**Haunted – Evanescence**_

_**Cry Me A River – Ella Fitzgerald**_

**Disclaimer: It took me a while to finish this chapter. School has really zapped my energy. I am never taking this heavy a B-term schedule again, eight weeks is too crammed. **

**[EDIT 7-19-2011] –Cleaned up a bit and a few things tweaked. I doubt I caught all the mistakes, but I hope I at least got the annoyingly obvious ones. Found a funky little continuity error too.**

…**.**

Chapter Five

Leonard downed his third mug of coffee and rubbed his eyes. Man, he was tired. He had managed to go back to sleep surprisingly easy after his talk with Spock, but the fact that he even had to talk with the Vulcan wore him out more than he thought it would. The doctor knew he was going to have to start dealing with the mess sooner or later but he had been hoping it would be later. He sighed and rinsed out the mug. Spock was probably feeling worse than he did, even if Pointy Ears wouldn't show it.

"And I just thought I was a good friend." He muttered. The brunette shook his head and went out to the barn. He hadn't seen the Vulcan yet that morning and he hoped Spock was okay. If it had been his daughter he would have checked in on her by now, but Leonard figured the Vulcan wouldn't appreciate being coddled like a five-year-old.

"Hey, Cash," He smiled at the large black horse who had nudged his shoulder, leaving a smear of green horse saliva on the doctor's shirt. "How are you this morning big guy?"

The horse nickered softly in reply. Leonard patted Cash and open the stall door to turn the Tennessee Walker out with the rest of the horses. When Frank Lora had come by last night they had stabled the black horse so that when Frank's wife, the local veterinarian, came by in the morning there wouldn't be any time wasted in trying to catch the animal.

Len watched the horse trot out into the field, glad to be out of the stall and back into the open air, and couldn't fight the smile that spread across his face. He knew that feeling. He still felt it, every time he stepped out of the operating room after a long surgery and out the hospital doors, away from the pain and suffering of strangers, and into the sunlight. The feeling of freedom, of being released from a prison you didn't realize existed until after you left. He loved his job, being able to help people and save lives, but sometimes it could be overwhelming.

The brunette ran a hand through his hair and walked back through the barn to an open stall and collected the tools necessary to muck out. Frank usually cleaned out the barn, but when he was home Len preferred to do it himself. After spending long days doing a job that required a keen attention to detail he found the mindlessness of shoveling manure to be soothing. He had only one stall to do today, Cash's, but it still helped him to relieve the stress that had gathered in his body since last night.

..

Spock sat silently breathing.

In. _Nyota's face._

Out. _Leonard's hand on his shoulder._

In. _Anger, pain, and fear._

Out. _Sunlight on water._

Spock squeezed his eyes more tightly closed and fought to let go.

In. _Cold, he was so cold._

Out. _A small redheaded girl's laughter._

Spock swallowed and found that he did not want to inhale again. He could hear his mother's voice, reading aloud from a human book on meditation. _"There is a pause after the inhalation, a moment before you inhale again. There is an amazing amount of healing that can be found in this moment, this break from reality."_

_She smiled and lowered the book. "I love that moment. I always try to make it last as long as possible. I find it very easy to let go and simply be during that pause."_

He inhaled.

..

Leonard watched condensation bead and run down the outside of his tea glass. He traced his initials on the cool cup and squinted up at the sun. It was almost noon; Jocelyn was supposed to arrive with Joanna at any minute. He sat on the brick steps, stretched out his legs and lay back into the shade of the covered porch. He still hadn't seen Spock yet. The doctor still felt a little guilty for not checking up on the Vulcan, but he knew that it was probably for the best. His friend was not very likely to open up if he kept pushing him.

He blew out a breath and idly began to tap out a long forgotten beat on his sternum with his fingers, his left hand still holding the glass of tea. How was he supposed to make this work? Prying secrets out of a Vulcan was like pulling hen's teeth, how could you take action when you can't find the issues to begin with? The doctor was starting to wonder if Jim's confidence wasn't a little misplaced. Healing the body was one thing, healing the heart and spirit was a different thing entirely.

Len was startled away from his drifting thoughts when the front door opened. He rolled his head back and watched a pair of well kept black boots walk out the door and a few feet down the porch. Spock was impeccably dressed as always, in a pair of black pants that could have been the same pair he wore yesterday and a white button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, exposing pale green forearms lightly covered in fine black hair The Vulcan eyed the doctor for a moment before seating himself upon one of the many rocking chairs that littered the porch.

Len turned his head so that he could see the Vulcan more clearly, his right cheek pressed against the worn wood floor. "Hey, Spock."

"Good afternoon Leonard."

The human frowned. "Is it?"

Spock lifted an eyebrow. "It is exactly two minutes and thirty-six seconds after twelve o'clock, thus making it the afternoon. Whether is it good or not is of course a matter of opinion, however, it s my understanding that 'good afternoon' is the standard human greeting for this time of day."

Leonard laughed softly and shook his head. "It never ceases to amaze me that after five years on the same ship you still feel the need to explain things down to the minutest details. I'm human, Spock, not stupid. I have a M.D. you know."

The Vulcan blinked. "I did not mean-"

"Spock! Relax, I know you weren't trying to insult me, you were just being…you." He propped himself up on his elbow, "Generally speaking you don't need to explain something unless you're asked to. For the most part, most people can understand what you are saying."

"I understand."

Len rolled his eyes as he lay back down. "That's what you said the last seven times we've had this conversation." He muttered.

Spock felt a smile tug at the corner of his mouth and turned his face away.

The doctor folded his hands on his chest and sighed. He hated waiting. That's why he had become a surgeon instead of a lawyer like his father had wanted. He had the patience to stand on his feet for twelve hours in order to operate on someone's brain, but not to sit around and do research or wait for something to happen. Len yawned and was beginning to drift off to sleep to the sound of the rocking chair creaking back and forth when the noise of an engine jerked him back into wakefulness.

He sat up sharply and grinned. "They're here."

As he leapt to his feet the large black vehicle came to a stop next to Lucy, one of the doors opened and a redheaded girl climbed out. Spock stood and watched as the doctor dashed toward his daughter. Len swept the girl up into his arms and spun her around, the two of them laughing loudly. A tall blonde woman with a pinched look on her face walked around the other side of the vehicle.

She stopped and crossed her arms. "Alright, settle down. Joanna, go get your things and take them inside, I need to talk to your dad."

Leonard set the girl back on her feet, the smile fading off his face. Joanna glanced from her mother to her father and sighed. The two adults waited in stony silence while she grabbed her bag and trudged slowly up to the house.

"Jocelyn, do you really want to do this now? She just got here."

"Give me a break Leonard. Do you know-"

Joanna set her bag down on the porch and eyed the Vulcan, both of them valiantly ignoring the argument slowly growing in volume from the drive way. The redhead raised her hand in a Vulcan salute, which he returned. "You're Spock right?"

He nodded. "Affirmative."

"'Kay, I'm Joanna, but you can call me Jo. Only mamma calls me by my full name."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I have often heard your father refer to you as 'Joanna.'"

"Sure, to other people. When he's talking to me he either calls me Anna or," Her voice lowered to a conspiratorial whisper, "Jay."

The Vulcan's other eyebrow rose. "May I ask why?"

She shrugged. "I think it probably started as a way to annoy mamma, she thinks it's," her voice deepened comically, "_Manly_, but I am a bit of a tom-boy and it is a lot easier to say when you're in a hurry, one syllable and all that."

"I see."

Joanna winced as her mother's voice rose to a piercing decibel. The words were unintelligible to her human ears, but Spock understood them and shifted uncomfortably. He did not like to eavesdrop, but because of his Vulcan heritage it often occurred against his will.

The redhead sighed again and jerked her head in the direction of the barn. "C'mon, they'll be at it for a while."

Obediently Spock followed Joanna through the house and out the back door. As they walked down the gentle slope to the large red building, the Vulcan glanced up at where Leonard stood arguing with Jocelyn. The woman looked angry and her arms punctuated her comments violently. The doctor's expression was one of exasperation and annoyance that gave Spock the impression that the brunette had heard whatever the ex-wife was saying before.

Once they were in the shadow of the barn Joanna inhaled deeply. "Oh I've missed it out here." She smiled and spun in a lazy circle, arms out spread. "It's true what they say you know, you never know what you've got until it's gone."

Spock looked down at the ground. "Yes, that is true."

"It's definitely tough at first, but they say you get over it." She gave him a measuring look, "Have you gotten over it?"

"I do not know."

Joanna smiled softly. "I don't know if I have either. Sometimes I stop thinking about it, about how much my life has changed and what could have been, but that moment never lasts very long."

Spock was silent, but it didn't seem to bother her. She smiled a little wider and walked through the barn to the gate that leads to the main paddock. The redhead climbed up to sit on the top rung and whistled sharply into the field. A couple of the horses lifted their heads and the pale yellow one nickered. Joanna whistled again and the horse began to trot over with its companion trailing behind.

When the palomino reached them she laughed and stroked the horse's long face. "Hey Kidd, how have yah been big guy? It's been a while hasn't it?" Joanna addressed his next comment to Spock. "It took me forever to teach him to respond to the whistle. Daddy was so proud."

"I think your father will be proud no matter what you do."

She looked back over her shoulder at him and smiled. "That's what fathers are for, right?"

He blinked.

..

Len watched his ex-wife leave; the steady scowling created by the argument had begun to hurt his face. She hadn't even waited to say goodbye to Joanna. Jocelyn's behavior had always driven him up the wall. When they had first met that was in a good way, but now it just made him angry. He stalked up the walk and grabbed his daughter's bag and brought it inside with him.

"Anna," He called from the foyer. "Anna, are you in here?"

There was no reply. He stood for a moment, lips pursed in thought, before taking the bag to Joanna's room. After dropping off the luggage, he trudged down the stairs and back outside. As he neared the barn he could hear the sounds of his daughter laughing accompanied by the low tones of Spock's voice. Leonard stuck his head around the corner of the large barn door. The girl and the Vulcan stood next to the gate; Joanna was trying to get him to pet Kidd. The redhead laughed again at something Spock said in protest.

The doctor smiled, stuck his hands in his pockets, and leaned against the door frame. "Having fun?"

"Of course! Hey, did Mamma go already?"

Leonard nodded. "Yeah, she needed to get back to help Garry with something or other."

The girl nodded slowly. "Okay." Her face brightened. "Spock has never ridden a horse before, can I teach him?"

"Jay, what makes you think Spock wants to learn how to ride? Besides, who would he ride?" The doctor snorted. "I hope you weren't thinking about using Kidd, Frank said he's been acting up lately and you know he's pretty much a one girl horse anyway."

"I thought he could use Cash." Joanna bit her lip. "I mean, Mamma doesn't ride him anymore and I'm sure he'd like the attention. It would totally work out! Cash is tall and so is Spock and remember how you're always telling me that people with long legs need larger horses-it's perfect. Please?"

Leonard just looked at her. The redhead threw her hands in the air. "Ugh! Fine, I won't try to be nice to your friends. I'll just go up to my room and sulk and message _my_ friends."

The brunette sighed as the girl stomped past him. "Jay…."

Joanna pretended not to hear him and continued on her way up to the house. Leonard pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry about that; you don't have to ride if you don't want to."

"It is fine." Spock moved quietly through the barn and stopped next to the doctor. "I do not mind. My mother spoke upon occasion of horseback riding, she made it sound…enjoyable. I think it is something that I should like to try."

He gaped at the Vulcan. "Really?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Oh, okay. Huh." Leonard shook his head and wandered back up to the house.

He was slightly baffled by this new change of attitude in Spock. Usually when invited to do anything that could be considered a human activity the Vulcan was very reluctant to participate. He wondered what had changed so suddenly. The brunette hesitated slightly in the doorway as he entered the house. Maybe it wasn't all that sudden. Prior to the incident with Uhura he hadn't really spent much time with Spock, so he couldn't be entirely sure that the Vulcan hadn't begun to change earlier. He was just beginning to feel guilty about not hanging out with his friend more often when someone behind him cleared their throat.

Leonard turned slowly to look at the Vulcan. "What?"

"You are standing in the middle of the door, perhaps you would be willing to move so that I may pass?"

The doctor rolled his eyes and stepped aside so that Spock could move past him. No, he decided, Pointy Ears hadn't changed a bit. Whatever it was that had made the Vulcan chose to play nice and stoop to the level of human beings was just going to have to be Spock's little secret. He just hoped that this hidden motivator didn't have any negative consequences that would affect his daughter.

Speak of the devil…. "I thought you were going to your room?"

Joanna looked up from where she sat at the kitchen table, "I changed my mind, it's what women do."

"Right." Len blew out a breath and opened the refrigerator.

"Dad," She set her PADD down carefully on the table. "Um…."

"What is it honey?" He asked absently as he set the tea pitcher on the counter and went to get a new glass.

"I'm sorry about, before. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I'm sorry."

The doctor sighed. "It's okay baby. I probably should have asked Spock before I shut you down like that."

Joanna eyed her father. "Oh yeah, what did he say?"

"Believe it or not," Leonard set the glass in front of his daughter. "He said he'd like to learn."

Green eyes sparkled. "So I can teach him?"

"Yes."

"Yes!" Joanna leapt to her feet and hugged him. "Thank you, daddy!"

Leonard shook his head and laughed. He had forgotten how easily Jay became excited. "Why don't you go upstairs and unpack. When you're done come find me and we can work out a schedule or something. Structure is Spock's middle name, he'll be more comfortable if he can see what's going on."

..

Spock watched from the 'den,' as Leonard called it, as the doctor and his daughter trailed down to the barn. Joanna was waving her arms excitedly and the brunette was laughing at her antics. He felt another smile tug at his mouth and turned away from the window. He was still not sure why he had accepted the girl's offer of tutelage in the art of horsemanship. What he had told Leonard was true, his mother had told him about her experiences riding horses, although at the time Spock had been slightly less than enthusiastic about trying the sport for himself.

He sat down in one of the large armchairs and crossed one leg over the other. He had been here for less than twenty-four hours and he could already detect a change in the way he responded to Leonard. Spock was not used to living in close proximity to anyone other than Nyota and he found that being in the doctor's proximity confused him.

Leonard was a straight forward, open, human being, who displayed a great deal of trust toward anyone perceived to be a friend. His respect for the doctor prompted in the Vulcan a feeling of obligation to return that friendship in a similar manner, but he was having difficulty resolving that feeling with his need for privacy. Humans made it look so easy to pour out their emotions at a moment's notice.

Spock realized that Leonard thought that he was trying to help him when the doctor asked intrusive questions and made unpleasant accusations against Nyota, and despite the fact that it went against what he believed to be his better judgment, the Vulcan wanted to answer the questions. He wanted to help his friend even if he did not understand the brunette's reasoning.

He was unused to this feeling of anxiety. The things that Nyota had said had hurt him. His nightmare the previous night had shown that to be true. Spock did not normally dream and it had been a very long time since he had experienced a nightmare. He had been a child the last time his subconscious had created such a strong physical reaction.

Spock's eyebrow twitched while he continued to ponder his situation. He had never felt so conflicted before. There had been a few incidents during his life when he had experienced minor crises of indecision, but never at this scale. Those prior occasions also had not felt as urgent as the one he was facing now.

Lost in thought, the Vulcan did not notice Joanna enter the room and stop before him. The girl waited a moment before waving her hand in front of Spock's face and calling his name. He jerked minutely and blinked at the human.

She grinned, "You okay there, Spock? It looked like you were thinking pretty hard."

"I am well. Is there something you require of me?"

"Well," The redhead sank into the chair opposite the Vulcan. "I was wandering if you were going to come into town with us tomorrow."

"I had planned to accompany you and your father."

"Cool," Joanna bounced to her feet. "That's all I wanted to know. If dad asks, tell him I'm up in my room, 'kay?"

Spock lifted an eyebrow. "I shall do as you request."

"Thanks, Spock."

The Vulcan watched her leave and blinked away a feeling of amusement. He was unused to interacting with human children. He was unused to dealing with any children. Spock experienced an irrational surge of sympathy for his mother and for Leonard. Children were such complex beings.

..

The doctor leaned back in his chair and sighed. It had been a long day. He had been happy to see Joanna and was still upset with Jocelyn for casting a shadow on their happy reunion with her bickering. His ex-wife had been angry that Spock was staying at the ranch. Leonard had explained that the Vulcan was a patient, but that had only served to make her more irate. Evidently Jocelyn thought that he would ignore their daughter because he would be busy treating Spock. She had also torn into him for "bringing work home with him."

He rolled his eyes at the ceiling. Jay was sixteen; it had been a very long time since she had wanted to be with him every second of the day. The girl was growing up and she wanted her independence more than she wanted to spend time with her old man. Leonard could admit that dealing with Spock was going to be a distraction, but he doubted Jay was going to suffer any because of it. He didn't think his daughter would have any negative effects on the Vulcan either. The redhead craved her privacy as much as any teenager. She was probably up in her room rejoicing that her dad had something to keep him busy so he wouldn't be poking his noise into her business all the time.

Leonard smiled and reached for his PADD. Until now it hadn't really occurred to him how much of a relief it was to have Spock in the house. The Vulcan's presence took a load of pressure off of both the doctor and his daughter. If the two had been left alone Len would have felt obligated to check in on Jay all the time and make sure she was entertained. He loved spending time with his daughter, but he knew it would make her uncomfortable if he planned out her activities for the coming months. He didn't really want to do that anyway, scheduling out every second of the day had been Jocelyn's thing, not his.

He looked up from the handheld device when he heard a knock on the door. He frowned and glanced at the chronometer, it was almost midnight. "It's open," He called, looking back down at the document he had been working on.

The heavy oak door to Leonard's study swung open and when the doctor glanced up again he was surprised to see Spock standing in the door way. The Vulcan looked at him for a long moment and gestured at the door. "Now, it is open."

The brunette narrowly avoided rolling his eyes. "Yes, I can see that. It's just an expression."

"Obviously."

_Now_ Leonard rolled his eyes. "Is there something I can help you with?"

Spock ignored the question and moved deeper into the room. "This room is not as large as I had anticipated."

"Because is it one of the only two rooms on this end of the house? Yeah, I know. The Rec room is huge." The doctor set down the PADD and watched the Vulcan. "Jocelyn didn't like the study, she thought it seemed cramped because of how long and narrow it is. This room is actually the same length as the Rec room, but it's only about a third of the width."

"You own an incredible amount of books."

"Thank you. Most of them were Grandpa's, he liked to collect things. Actually," Leonard squinted at his surroundings, "I don't anything in this room has really changed since I inherited the place. I think this desk may have been refinished, but that's about it."

Spock eyed the massive antique desk and cautiously lowered himself into an armchair positioned across from where the doctor sat. "Interesting."

Leonard waited for the Vulcan to continue and maybe explain why he was in the doctor's study, but Spock merely sat in silence, looking everywhere except at the brunette. "So, what can I do for you, Spock?"

The Vulcan still did not answer the question. Leonard sighed and picked up his PADD again. Spock would talk when he felt like it and not a nano-second prior. That knowledge did not, however, make the doctor feel any more patient than he had before. In fact, it made him want a drink. Almost reluctantly, the brunette returned to his work and waited for the Vulcan to open up. He was very curious as to why Spock had come to visit him and he was hopeful that his friend was getting ready to have a break through.

"I have never seen my mother cry."

The brunette carefully laid the PADD on his desk and nodded for the Vulcan to continue. It was an odd statement and he was curious to see where the former First Officer was going with it.

Spock frowned minutely, his gaze focused on the air above the doctor's right shoulder. "My mother was, of course, considered emotional by Vulcan standards. She was human, after all. I am not certain however, what she would have been labeled by human standards. My memory shows her to have been less emotional than the average human female. She certainly never exhibited a level of emotion as displayed by Nyota or Captain Kirk."

"Does it bother you that your mother didn't act like the other humans you have encountered?"

"I do not know." Spock hesitated before continuing. "I think I am glad that my mother was not as prone to emotion displays as must humans seem to be."

Leonard leaned forward. "Why do you think you feel that way?"

The Vulcan was silent for a long moment and when he spoke his voice was quiet. "I fear that it would have made the ridicule justifiable."

"Spock," The bunette closed his eyes, "It is never justifiable to make fun of someone. Okay? _Never._ It is, however, perfectly justifiable to defend someone from ridicule. You love your mother and you have every right to. You also love your people, as you should, but just because you love someone it doesn't mean that you blindly defend their faults. You are allowed to disagree with the people you love." He smiled softly at the conflicted expression on the Vulcan's face. "Sometimes it can be hard to tell the difference between a normal argument and when someone is being purposefully antagonistic, but, Spock, real love is mutual and someone who truly loves you won't be mad at you for holding a different opinion. If anything they should respect you more for it. No one wants to date a mirror."

"I-" Spock's voice caught. "I do not know what to do. I wish to remain as I was, but I can no longer reconcile my old thought process with the new one that has begun in my mind. I feel…broken."

"You're not broken, Spock, you're just changing. It's a normal part of life, everything is in motion, constantly changing and it's all anyone can do to keep up."

Leonard stood up and walked around the desk. He leaned against the heavy oak surface and folded his arms across his chest. "Everybody deals with this at some point in their life; you're not alone in this buddy. For cryin' out loud, Jim lives in a constant state of conflict! His sensibilities have always been at war with his need to rebel. It'll be a cold day in hell before the kid gets himself figured out.

"Whatever it was that happened with Nyota is only part of the problem, or maybe it was simply the catalyst that set this whole thing off. You are a hybrid, created of two very different worlds. Honestly I'm surprised you haven't had an identity crisis before now."

Spock appeared nonplussed. "To my knowledge, my identity has not been altered in-"

"Don't go listing your genealogy; I don't need to hear it." Leonard knelt before the Vulcan. "Who you are has less to do with your bloodlines and more to do with your experiences than anything else. I don't care what popular Vulcan opinion says about the son of Sarek. I don't care about your degrees, awards, and I.Q. test scores. None of that matters. Nothing Nyota has said to you matters. Okay? What matters is how you view yourself and how you treat other people. Through your actions anyone can see what kind of person you are, Spock. You are a kind, intelligent, person, who deserves better than he has received. That's what I see, start with that."

When the doctor had finished talking he realized that he was gripping the Vulcan's knees with his hands and Spock was staring down at him with eyes that were round with an emotion Leonard didn't want to identify. He cleared his throat and stood, uncomfortable under the Vulcan's gaze and with how intimately he had just behaved. He usually only had such private conversations with Jim and with the blonde he didn't have to worry about physical contact. In fact it was very rare that a discussion between the two of them didn't end in either a hug or a headlock.

The brunette had never touched the First Officer casually, out of respect for both his friend's heritage and his personal space, and he was having a difficult time wrapping his head around the fact that he had just moments ago held Spock's knees in a death grip. He blamed familiarity and the beer he'd had after dinner for the slip up.

"Eh," Leonard cleared his throat again, "Yes. Well, it's late and I'm going to bed. I hope our conversation helped you and…uh, I hope I haven't….Good night."

The doctor snagged his PADD off the desk and quickly made his get-away, leaving a rather shell-shocked Vulcan in his wake.

….

**Have I already apologized for how late this is? I am soooo sorry. My life had been simply crazy of late and I do hope that you will forgive me.**

**BTW, if you haven't seen it yet, Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day is a fantastic film. I was drooling over Lee Pace the entire time, despite the fact that no one taught him how to fake playing the piano. My cousin nearly cried when he cracked his knuckles. And may I also recommend Red (if I haven't already)? It's got Karl Urban in it….*waggles eyebrows***

**Review, my sweets! Review! And never forget, just because the chapters arrive late, it doesn't mean Mummy has stopped loving you.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: The Long Walk Home**

**Summary:** **Spock has been involved with Uhura for the entirety of their 5-year mission; now that the Enterprise is coming home secrets from that relationship are coming to light. Damaged in ways he cannot understand, Spock has nowhere to turn. Dr. McCoy has also been hurting, but the southern boy in him can't stand on the sidelines and watch Spock suffer. Can the broken find healing in each other?**

**Written by request for BlackMetalHeart**

**Chapter Playlist:**

_**Because of You – Poker Face**_

_**Heal Me – Billy Currington**_

_**Clumsy – Fergie**_

_**Who Are You When I'm Not Looking – Blake Shelton**_

_**Time Bomb – Jessy Greene**_

**Disclaimer: I am sorry for how late this update is. I've been facing a major block on this chapter. School's out, so maybe that will help. I had wanted to have this whole story done a long time ago. In all honesty I was expecting this story to take a month, maybe two, to write. But I've met with distraction and difficulty right and left, so it's taking longer. **

**[EDIT 7-19-2011] –Cleaned some errors, added a bit to the end.**

…**.**

Chapter Six

Leonard stared up at the ceiling over his bed, resolutely ignoring the flashing numbers on his bedside chronometer that told him it was almost seven a.m. He had slept fitfully until the alarm had gone off at six, but instead of getting up and starting the day he found himself rehashing the events of is most recent late-night encounter with Spock.

He was such an idiot. The doctor scowled and kicked back the blankets. He still wasn't sure what had possessed him to invade the Vulcan's personal space like that, but the look of fear in those brown eyes had told him he had better figure it out and stop it, whatever it was. Reluctantly deciding that he needed to get up before Joanna came looking for him, the brunette tried to shove down the embarrassment and guilt that his actions had created.

It had been a long time since he had experienced trouble separating his emotions from a patient. His clinical professionalism, even during stressful operations, was something Leonard had always been proud of. Goodness knows how many times he had patched up Jim without a single emotionally manifested tremor in his hands. Being able to draw a line and set personal feelings on one side and the patient's well being on the other was paramount to success in his line of work. He definitely didn't want Spock to be afraid of him.

The doctor growled irritably under his breath as he finished lacing up his work boots. He never should have let Jim talk him into taking the Vulcan home with him. Spock had always possessed the uncanny ability to get under his skin in a way the blonde captain had never managed to. Jim either pissed him off or made him laugh; the Vulcan gave him a rash. Like he was infected with something he couldn't identify and couldn't get rid of.

Leonard shook his head in disgust at himself and went downstairs. He sounded like a pouty five-year-old afraid of getting cooties. Spock had a legitimate problem and he was too busy having a mid-life crisis, or whatever this crap was, to help out a friend.

"Hey Daddy, when are we leaving?"

The brunette glanced at his daughter over the rim of his mug. "If Spock is ready we can go as soon as I finish my coffee."

Jay grinned at him, "Alright old man, drink your coffee. I'm going to wait on the porch, 'kay?"

He nodded and took a long swallow of the bitter beverage. Leonard set the mug down in the sink and headed for the front door, digging in his pockets for his keys as he went. Spock's careful steps carried the Vulcan down the stairs and the two of them ended up at the front door at the same time.

"Good morning, Spock." The doctor's pasted on cheerful smile faded as he noticed the wary way the Vulcan was watching him. "Look, I'm sorry about what happened last night. I was upset because of some things Jocelyn had said, combined with a beer or two I probably shouldn't have had, and I wasn't thinking very straight. All I want to do is help and I know what I did wasn't exactly helpful. I can assure you that it won't happen again."

The expression on the Vulcan's face didn't change, but Leonard noticed a degree of tension leave Spock's shoulders. Hoping that it meant he was forgiven, the doctor pressed on. "I don't normally drink around Joanna and I've definitely never drunk around you, and I apologize."

Spock was silent for a moment and then nodded slowly. "I believe I understand. You were under a great deal of stress; I apologize for having interrupted you. However, if I may suggest that you find a more constructive manner in which to deal with stress in the future?"

Leonard laughed, "Absolutely. C'mon, Joanna's waiting for us."

….

Sitting in the passenger seat of the truck a few moments later, Spock was unsure as to what he was feeling. He had been surprised and perhaps a little frightened (although he was loath to admit it) by Leonard's actions last night. He had been relived by the doctor's apology and he believed it sincere, but a strange part of him had hoped for another explanation for the brunette's behavior. Mentally shaking himself, the Vulcan turned to face the other occupants of the cab when his name was mentioned.

Joanna was staring up at him with wide pleading eyes. "Please?"

Spock blinked. "I apologize, what was the question?"

The doctor snorted, but the redhead ignored him and repeated her request "Is it okay if Daddy drops us off at the General Store while he goes to get feed? That way we can get your clothes and stuff and _he_," the girl jerked her head in Leonard's direction, "Won't be standing around waiting for us and making snide remarks."

"That seems efficient."

"See?" Joanna bounced in her seat and grinned up her father, "Nothing to worry about."

"Fine. You've got your communicator on?"

"Yup."

"Spock?"

The Vulcan looked over at the brunette. "Yes?"

"Do you have your communicator with you?"

Spock just looked back at the doctor, nonplussed by the idea that he would forget the device.

Leonard rolled his eyes, "Right, never mind. Look, I'll be getting some stuff for the fencing as well, so I'll be gone for at least an hour, maybe two."

"That's okay; we'll need some time to find everything anyway." Joanna pressed the release button on her seat belt as the truck slowed to a stop next to the curb.

Spock blinked once in surprise before unfastening his own safety belt and climbing out of the vehicle, evidently he had been lost in his own thoughts for longer than he had realized if they were in town already. The Vulcan stood silently as the humans waved goodbye to each other. It was a curious thing, the waving, and he could not recall having ever waved to anyone in his life. There were many strange practices held by humans that he did not understand.

"C'mon Spock!" Joanna grabbed his sleeve, forcing him to follow her or risk tearing the garment, as the girl charged off down the sidewalk. "The store's over here."

….

Leonard threw the last bag of sweet feed into the bed of the truck and paused to stretch.

Roy Williams, owner of the Feed & Seed grinned at him. "Fifty pounds don't seem like much 'til you've tossed ten or more of them sacks does it?"

The doctor put the tailgate up and walked around to the driver's side door. "I'd forgotten, that's for sure. See you in a few weeks, Roy."

"See you, Doc."

Lucy came to life and maneuvered out of the lot as if she didn't notice the extra seven hundred pounds of feed and fencing material she bore and Leonard felt an absurd impulse to laugh. He had also forgotten that a joy it was to have machinery that you could trust. Back on Main Street, he checked the time and saw that he had only been at the feed store for just over an hour. Chuckling to him, the brunette put on his blinker; it was time to see how Spock was handling shopping with Jay.

Mame's General Store & Trading Post had changed hands several times over the years since Leonard's Grandpa had first taken him inside, but physically it hadn't changed much at all. The wood outside had been refinished and the parking lot was now asphalt instead of gravel, but the repainted sign still had the same font and the familiar tinkling bell as the door swung open made the doctor feel that _now_ he was finally home.

A beautiful, dark skinned girl who looked about sixteen smiled at him from near the register and Leonard returned the smile, remembering the summers he had spent behind that same counter. He had bought his first truck with that money, a rusty old Ford that broke down more often than it ran, but he had loved fixing it too much to let his Daddy buy him a new one. Idly he wondered if the girl was related to the Shaws, the family that had owned the store while he had worked there.

"Leonard McCoy! Is that you boy?" A booming voice cut through the doctor's reminiscing and he turned to find himself in a tight hug and nearly lifted off his feet.

"Miss Ellie?" He gasped in surprise.

The woman laughed as she let go of him. "Yep. How have you been young'in? I ain't seen ya for what…seven years now?"

Leonard could only stare. It had indeed been nearly eight years since he had seen Ellie Shaw and she didn't look as if she'd aged a day in all the years that he had known her. A tall woman of African American descent, Ellie had to be nearly eighty years old, but with the exception of a little graying hair at the temples, didn't look a day over fifty. Miss Ellie had given him the job at the general store twenty years ago; the Shaws had been friends of his Grandpa's a long time. Leonard had gone to school with the youngest son, John, and remembered spending many a Sunday afternoon at Miss Ellie's house.

Ellie clapped him on the shoulder, "When that girl of yours came in I was shore surprised to see her, she's gettin' so big!"

"Tell me about it," The doctor laughed. "You see them in pictures, but you don't realize how much they've changed until you get to hold them."

She smiled, "That's Arnie's girl, Eileen, working over there if'n ya can believe it."

"No way," Leonard looked over his shoulder toward the girl at the counter. "Wow, time flies."

"Yep." Ellie nodded and moved to straighten a display of animal shampoo. "Now, tell me child, who's that fellow who came in with Jo? I've never seen the like before."

"Ah, that would be Spock. He's Vulcan, hence the pointy ears and green tint to the skin."

"An alien? Well, well, first off-worlder I ever met in my life and I didn't even know. What's he doin' here?"

"He was the First Officer on the Enterprise and a friend. He's been having a rough time of late, so he's staying with us up at the ranch for a while."

Ellie smiled and shook her head. "You're a kind man Leonard McCoy; your grandpa raised you right."

"Well that's kind of you to say, Miss Ellie." The doctor gestured toward the back of the store, "Where did you say Jay was?"

"She and that Vulcan are in the back near the boots."

"Thanks," Leonard drifted off toward the rows of shelved footwear, keeping an eye and an ear out for signs of his daughter. The store was small and the layout was the same as when he had worked there, so it didn't take him long to locate the two people he was looking for.

Joanna and the Vulcan were standing in front of a display of cowboy hats and the girl was trying to get Spock to wear one. Leonard paused to watch before interrupting them. Jay was laughing and teasing the Vulcan and the doctor was sure he heard a note of amusement in Spock's voice as he protested the redhead's attempts.

"Hey," they turned at the sound of the brunette's voice. "Are you two just messing around or what?"

Joanna took advantage of the distraction to stretch up onto her tip-toes and jam a large cream colored hat on the Vulcan's head. The humans both laughed at the look of surprise on Spock's face.

"C'mon Jay," Leonard curbed his laugher and lifted the hat off of the Vulcan and dropped it onto his own head, where it perched at an angle. "Leave poor Spock alone. Have ya'll gotten any shopping done at all?"

"Yes Daddy, we're almost done." Joanna pointed toward the counter. "Eileen took our things up for us. All we need to get now are some riding gloves. And maybe some work boots; do you think he needs some?"

The doctor looked thoughtfully down at Spock's feet, missing the fascinated way in which the Vulcan was staring at the cowboy hat, or rather, the way the brunette was wearing the hat. "I don't think so Jay, but if something should come up where he needs some he can borrow a pair of mine, our feet are nearly the same size."

The girl nodded. "Okay, the gloves are over here."

She set off and Leonard watched with some amusement as Spock trailed obediently after the redhead. He was pleasantly surprised by how well the Vulcan and the girl were getting along. He had expected the former first officer to be polite, it would have been unnatural otherwise, but the camaraderie was surprising. Last night at dinner the two had been in almost constant conversation, the majority of it circling around Joanna's membership on her school's scholastic decathlon team. The doctor couldn't tell if Spock had been impressed or bored by the subject matter, but as the Vulcan had asked the appropriate questions and offered several tips for memorizing facts, the redhead had seemed more than pleased with his attention.

The brunette put the cowboy hat back on the stand and sighed. At least someone was bonding with Spock. Now he just had to figure out how he could get on the Vulcan's good side, without having to memorize anything or take a test. Leonard could understand his friend's aversion to emotion, it sure was messy and a pain to clean up after. The doctor scowled and sent Jim a message on his communicator that consisted largely of profanity. He was not equipped to deal with Spock's problem and he felt so useless, especially when he knew the Vulcan was having difficulty as well.

….

**This chapter is shockingly short (for my anyway) and I am not very happy with it. Unfortunately after five or six re-writes and scrapping several thousand words that just didn't fit, I've decided to just leave it as it is. Better a small update than nothing at all right? I've higher hopes for the next chapter, so ya'll can look forward to that.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Title: The Long Walk Home**

**Summary:** **Spock has been involved with Uhura for the entirety of their 5-year mission; now that the Enterprise is coming home secrets from that relationship are coming to light. Damaged in ways he cannot understand, Spock has nowhere to turn. Dr. McCoy has also been hurting, but the southern boy in him can't stand on the sidelines and watch Spock suffer. Can the broken find healing in each other?**

**Written by request for BlackMetalHeart**

**Chapter Playlist:**

_**You Can Call Me Al – Paul Simon**_

_**Where Not To Look For Freedom – The Belle Brigade**_

**Disclaimer: Ugh, this story is kicking my butt six ways from Sunday. Every time I think I've gotten it straightened out, it goes off on another tangent and I spend two or three days going back and forth between "What is that? How am I supposed to resolve **_**that?**_**" and "Oh, okay, I can work with that" and then I wind up in a tailspin of confusion that results in nothing getting written.**

**So, this chapter is mostly fluff 'n filler while I work on getting Ebon and this fic back into order. I assure you all that I am doing my best to have this thing finished before September, cuz after that my life gets really crazy.**

**Any errors are mine as usual.**

…**.**

Leonard laughed at the expression on his daughter's face as she watched Spock carry the feed two bags at a time as if it were nothing. He had explained the physiological differences between humans and Vulcans to her years ago, but it was the first time Joanna had ever witnessed one of those differences first hand. He gently smacked her behind with a board as he walked by, prompting her to glare at him.

The doctor jerked his head in the direction of the truck, "If you're not going to help with the unloading, why don't you take Spock's things up to his room?"

"All right," The redhead gathered the shopping bags out of the cab and trailed up to the house, casting glances over her shoulder every few feet.

Leonard rolled his eyes and finished stacking the lumber in the aisle. He'd ride the fence tomorrow and see what needed work first. Frank had mentioned patching a few weak spots on the north fence line, maybe he'd start there….

When the feed had all been stacked against the far wall in the tack room, Leonard sent the Vulcan back up to the house. He didn't need Spock's help with the next part. Pulling a knife out of his pocket, the doctor hefted one of the sacks and slit the end, emptying the contents into a bin where the feed would be safe from the elements and other pests. He worked diligently; glad for the mindless nature of the task, allowing him time to consider the situation his house guest was dealing with. Hoping fully dealing with that is, the brunette still feared that the Vulcan would push the events away and pretend that nothing had happened. It was Leonard's experience that you first had to confront something in order to begin coping with it. He didn't really want Spock to have a face-to-face with Uhura, but he had to admit wondering if such an encounter would be necessary for the Vulcan to resolve what had happened to him.

Sighing, the doctor collected the now-empty feed sacks and threw them away. He hadn't given it as much thought as he probably should have, but Leonard was beginning to wonder if Spock had even acknowledged, at least to himself, what Uhura had done. The Vulcan had expressed confusion over the treatment, but had never stated that he understood what the problem being treated was. Coming out of the barn, the brunette looked up at the storm clouds gathering in the sky.

"My thoughts exactly," He muttered.

….

Spock carefully put away the items purchased on the trip into town with the McCoys. He now owned two pairs of jeans, one blue, one black, four cotton shirts, two blue, one black and one grey. Joanna had also insisted he needed a pair of what she had referred to as "riding pants," made of a stretchy cream colored material that, personally, the Vulcan believed to be a bit "clingy," but the girl said that the breeches would allow for greater mobility. He was skeptical as to their effective use, but considering his ignorance on the matter, decided to trust her. The Vulcan recalled the devious glint in Joanna's eyes as she had pushed him and a pair of the pants into a dressing room and tried not to worry as to what the girl had been thinking at the time. It was his understanding that even humans had difficulty fathoming the minds of their young and he therefore deemed it a waste of his own time to even try.

Once everything had been folded and put in its proper place, he went downstairs.

"Hey, Spock," Joanna breezed past him into the living room. "It looks like it's gonna rain."

The Vulcan followed the girl into the room and peered out of one of the many windows. The sky was indeed growing dark with the formation of storm clouds. "So it would seem."

The redhead settled herself onto the couch, tucking her feet beneath her. "Do you like rain?"

Spock turned from the window to look at her, "Please clarify."

"Oh, uh…do you enjoy it when it rains?"

"I have never really considered the matter."

"Oh, well, have you ever played in the rain?"

"No."

"Never?" Joanna forward, her voice and face revealing her incredulity.

"It does not rain on Vulcan."

"What about while you've been on Earth? Have you ever been caught outside in the rain?"

"I was in the habit of checking the weather forecast prior to leaving my residence, thus avoiding such incidents." Spock moved away from the window and seated himself in an armchair that, while not exactly opposite the girl, allowed for eye contact while they conversed.

"Okay, how about other planets? Have you ever gotten rained on while visiting somewhere else?"

"There was one occasion where the captain and I were forced to flee from hostiles in the midst of a low pressure event. It was," The Vulcan almost shuddered at the memory, "unpleasant. I recall being very cold and my clothing clinging in an uncomfortable manner."

"I didn't think about the cold," Joanna frowned. "I guess that wouldn't be any fun for you. It's too bad, Dad and I usually go out when it rains, as long as there's no lightening of course, and I was thinking that you could go with us."

"What is the purpose of such an activity?"

She shrugged, "It's fun. When I was little, Daddy and I would have mud fights. Mom would get so mad when we'd come inside the house all dirty." Joanna smiled sadly, "Momma hated it when Daddy was silly like that. She said it was stupid and a waste of time. Her idea of fun was board game and a glass of wine."

Spock did not know how to respond, so he opted to remain silent.

The redhead continued, "Not that there's anything wrong with that, Daddy didn't mind playing board games, he just prefers a little more adventure than that."

The Vulcan blinked and felt a brief spark of confusion. Dr. McCoy and adventure were not two things that he would have normally associated with each other. The doctor grumbled through every away mission that the captain insisted he go on, against his will, as the brunette never volunteered to go planet-side. Not to Spock's knowledge at any rate.

"I think your father has changed since you last stayed with him."

"Oh," Joanna slumped in her seat, "I guess that's true."

"That is not to say that he will not participate in certain activities if you request his presence."

"So I'll have to make him spend time with me against his will," She said glumly, "Great."

"Ah," Spock shifted uncomfortably, aware that he had upset the girl. "That is not what I meant. If he is with you then it will not be against his will because he loves you. I only meant to prepare you for potential disappointment if your father does not act in a manner you remember."

The redhead wrapped her arms around her legs, her chin resting on her knees. "Don't worry; Mamma's been preparing me for that all week. She's afraid that I'm gonna get hurt. She told me," Joanna swallowed and her voice dropped to a whisper, "she said that he'd been drinking a lot after the divorce."

Spock floundered for a moment, flashing back to the conversation that morning and the doctor's apology. "That may be true; it is my understanding that your father was very upset by the loss of you and your mother. However, I do not believe that he has drunken to excess at any point during the last few years."

"Really?" The girl's blue eyes shone with hope.

The Vulcan nodded, "Dr. McCoy is an officer of the Federation Starfleet. He has responsibilities and the Admiralty would not stand for such behavior."

"That makes sense; Daddy does prefer to follow the rules." She relaxed back into the couch, "What do you do for fun, Mr. Spock?"

He blinked, the matter of fun in his daily activities rarely occurred to him. The captain had pressed him about such things for a while after their mission aboard the Enterprise had first begun, but after that the Vulcan had not given the concept much thought. "I enjoy reading."

"Is that all? What about games or videos?"

"I have played chess with Captain Kirk upon occasion. It was…interesting."

"Huh," Joanna frowned for a moment, before her face cleared. "Well, before you leave we're gonna find something to do that you think is fun."

"Hey," Leonard stuck his head through he doorway, "What are you two up to?"

"Just talking," The girl bounced out of her seat and wrapped her arms around her father's waist. "If it rains, can we go for a walk?"

The brunette smiled and returned the hug. "Sure, just as long as there's no lightening. Your mother would kill me if you get zapped."

Joanna laughed, pulling her communicator out of her pocket as she left the room.

Spock observed the exchange with interest. He could not say that he noticed anything different about the doctor since their arrival at the ranch house, but it seemed that he was taking more notice of the man than he usually would have. Of course, the Vulcan considered, with less people to interact with on a daily basis it was completely understandable that he would be taking a greater interest in the people that were present.

"You okay, Spock?"

The concern on the human's face caused Spock to wonder what kind of expression he had been wearing on his own. "I am fine."

"What were you thinking about, just now?" Leonard stepped into the room, a subtle frown of worry pinching his eyebrows together.

The Vulcan's head tipped to the left. "Nothing in particular."

"Nice deflection, you've been spending way too much time with Jim." The doctor leaned against the back of the couch, "But seriously, when you're ready to talk, just let me know."

"I will."

The brunette gave him a long look, calculating almost, before nodding. "Alright, Jay's probably in her room and I'll be in my office, shout if you need anything."

Spock returned the nod and stood. His conversation with Joanna had raised a train of thought that required meditation. It was strange that the girl could provoke him into facing an insecurity he had locked down and away since childhood. The concept of 'fun' and parental relationships was not something the Science Officer was used to dealing with.

It was days like these that he missed his mother and his home world the most. Maybe he was not as Vulcan as he could be, but there were times when Spock would give anything for a sympathetic ear that could also provide the answers to his inner turmoil. Leonard wanted to be that person, the Vulcan could read it on the human's face, but Spock was not sure if _he _wanted the doctor to be that person.

….

**Tomorrow I'm off to my family reunion, a week with fifty people I haven't seen in a couple years, and then after that a few days in Arizona with my Dad and back home for a job interview on Friday. So, I may not be able to respond to your reviews as quickly as I usually do, but rest assured that I will get back to you eventually.**

**Hugs for all my patient followers and candy for all my faithful reviewers, I love you guys!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Title: The Long Walk Home**

**Summary:** **Spock has been involved with Uhura for the entirety of their 5-year mission; now that the Enterprise is coming home secrets from that relationship are coming to light. Damaged in ways he cannot understand, Spock has nowhere to turn. Dr. McCoy has also been hurting, but the southern boy in him can't stand on the sidelines and watch Spock suffer. Can the broken find healing in each other?**

**Written by request for BlackMetalHeart**

**Chapter Playlist:**

_**Binge – **_**Papa Roach**

_**Blurry – **_**Puddle of Mudd**

**Disclaimer: Okay, so, trying to get back on track. I think I've got it worked out now; I just have to get it written down.**

**IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you've been following this story (i.e. you've put it on alert a few chapters ago, or from the beginning) it may interest you to know that I tweaked a few things in the last couple chapters. I was re-reading the whole thing to get a better handle on the plot and I noticed some serious continuity errors. They should be all fixed now, but please, PLEASE, if you ever notice something in my writing that seems to contradict something I've stated earlier, TELL ME. If there is one thing I hate, it is continuity errors.**

**I would advise that all my followers go back and at least skim the old chapters before continuing with this one. I didn't really change anything too major…well…sort of….gah, do what ever you want. It just might avoid some future confusion if you go back to the beginning. Besides, it's been a while since I've updated and it's always nice to read new content with a fresh memory.**

**This chapter was kind of rushed, I'm off on one last sumer fling before school starts, so pardon any errors. I promise to clean it up when I get back.**

…**.**

Chapter Eight

Joanna smiled to herself as she watched Spock ease Cash from a trot into a canter. "Remember to keep your heels down; don't let your weight fall forward."

The redhead was beyond pleased with the Vulcan's progress; she was positively ecstatic. Jay had been afraid that the lessons would be a disaster-she had never taught anyone to ride before, much less someone as emotionally and socially dense as Uncle Jim had made Spock out to be. At first it had definitely appeared like she would fail, persuading the Vulcan to pet and talk to the black horse while they groomed and tacked up had almost been impossible. But as soon as he had settled in the saddle it had become apparent that her fears were unfounded. Spock's movements were sure and efficient and if the girl hadn't known better she would think that the Vulcan had been riding all of his life.

He was a natural horseman. Because of his upbringing, Spock possessed a physical awareness that most humans lacked. The ridged posture that he had often been mocked for by Uncle Jim gave the Vulcan a well balanced seat in the saddle. In fact, watching him, Jay didn't think that the former First Officer's back was tense at all. His shoulders were level, which gave the impression that Spock was carved from stone, but his body gave easily and flowed with the movements of the animal beneath him. Most new riders were nervous and the horses can tell, which in turn, makes them nervous. A nervous horse is less attentive and harder to control, but the Vulcan's calm demeanor and steady hands had Cash eager to obey.

"C'mon," She moved Kidd forward, leaning out of the saddle to open the wide gate. "Let's go."

Spock reined his mount in, slowing the horse to a walk. "Are you certain it is permissible to leave the paddock?"

"Of course, for someone who has only had four lessons, you ride like you were born in the saddle." Jay grinned, "'Sides, you can't gallop in that tiny pen."

The Vulcan paused to process that statement and twitched an eyebrow in his equivalent of a shrug before following the girl through the gate. She closed it behind them and pointed of to the left. "There's a good stretch for running over there."

Things had been strange lately between her father and the Vulcan. Of course, it was possible that they had always interacted that way, but from her conversations with Daddy and Uncle Jim over the years, Joanna had been under the impression that the two normally got along well. There wasn't really anything that the redhead could put her finger on, but there was definitely something off. Spock watched the older male as if he was afraid that Leonard would try to torture information out of him at any second. In response, the doctor had taken to avoiding the Vulcan, spending most of the evenings in his office.

Quite frankly, Jay thought it was getting ridiculous. She still didn't know exactly why Spock was staying with them, but she did know that it was supposed to be helping the Vulcan deal with something and the ignoring the problem wasn't solving anything. The redhead was surprised by her father's behavior; it had always been her experience that he tackled things head on, instead of running away from them. It was one of the few good things her mother had to say about him.

"Spock?" When he turned his head to look at her, the girl continued, "Are you happy here?"

"I am content at this time."

"No," Jay shifted her weight, causing the palomino to flick his ear at her. "Are you happy _here_, with us?"

Spock twitched indecipherably.

She sighed and picked at a loose thread on her saddle. "You're my friend, you know that, right? You've only been here for a few weeks, but I feel like I've known you my whole life. If something is bothering you," She hesitated slightly, "And it's something you don't think you can talk to Daddy about, you can talk to me, okay?"

The Vulcan seemed flustered by her comments, but nodded his understanding.

Jay smiled at him brightly, "Good. No more moping okay? You'll feel better if you talk about your problems, and I'm not just saying that because I'm a girl and I love gossip. It really does help. When you work on a new equation or theory, isn't it useful to have a second opinion?"

Spock squinted. "Outside opinion can be helpful when reviewing an experiment."

"There you go." She squeezed her legs, urging Kidd forward, calling back over her shoulder, "Just think of life as one giant experiment and maybe it won't bother you so much to get help."

Riding ahead of him, the redhead missed the thoughtful expression on Spock's face and his muttered, "Indeed."

They rode in silence for a moment before coming across Leonard working on the fence line. He was digging a new post hole and his boots and jeans were covered in red dust. With an old cowboy hat pulled low on his head and plaid shirt-sleeves rolled up, Joanna thought her Daddy looked like the poster child Georgia Farm boy. It hadn't taken the doctor very long to revert back to his roots, the southern drawl and tan making a strong comeback.

"Hey Daddy," Jay called as they drew up to where the man was working.

Leonard paused in his work, pushing back his hat and squinting up at her with a grin. "Hello darlin,' how's your ride?"

"It's going good, Spock's a natural."

The doctor laughed, wiping sweat away with the back of his hand. "So you've said. How far are ya'll going?"

Jay shrugged, "Just around. We probably won't go too far from the barn, I just wanted to get Spock started on galloping."

"Okay, just make sure you check for gopher holes before you go running about willy-nilly. You don't want to break a leg." He eyed them both, "Yours or your horses."

"Naturally." She grinned at him and clicked her tongue at the palomino. "C'mon Kidd, let's leave the grumpy old man to his work."

Leonard rolled his eyes and Jay laughed as she rode away. The redhead had missed having her Daddy around. She had been worried at first, afraid that he wouldn't be anything like she remembered. There was, after all, a difference between talking to someone over a video feed a few times a month and living with them. Fortunately, the doctor was just as easy going as she had remembered.

Except around Spock. Every now and then strange sort of tension existed between the two males that Joana was loathe to identify.

The girl and the Vulcan finished their ride without event- Spock handled the galloping with the same grace that he did everything else and the result was near perfection. Back in the barn, the two un-tacked the horses and gave them a quick rub down. Jay turned the horses out, they didn't have a lesson everyday and she didn't like to leave Kidd and Cash stabled for more than twenty-four hours. Tired and dusty, the redhead trudged up to the house.

After taking a shower and changing into a summer dress, Joanna snagged her communicator and went back downstairs. She was hungry, but it was only a little while until dinner, so she flopped down on the couch in the living room. There wasn't anything interesting on the Vidscreen so she left it on a news channel. Sighing, the redhead glanced around and realized that Spock was standing by the window. He must have come down after she did and because of his Vulcan sneakiness, she hadn't heard him.

Jay hopped up to join him, she didn't have anything better to do at the moment and she was curious to see what he was looking at. There was still plenty of daylight left and she could see Daddy and Frank Lora talking down by the barn. In their plaid and blue jeans the two men looked almost identical and she giggled.

"You know," She commented to Spock, "I wasn't too sure that the whole staying with dad over the summer thing was going to work out. I mean, I missed him, but a short visit is different than actually living with someone. But when I saw him in one of his old work shirts tearing down the driveway towards me…I knew I was home and that everything was going to be okay.

"When I was little, Momma would take me to the hospital to visit Daddy on his breaks. She says the first couple times she took me; I didn't recognize him in his scrubs and lab coat. I cried and wouldn't let him hold me, I thought he was a stranger. It was kinda like that too; when he came home in a suit…he wasn't Daddy until he changed into one of those plaid shirts." Jay smiled up at the Vulcan, "He looks good in it though, doesn't he?"

Spock blinked, apparently surprised by the question. His head tipped to the left as he stared out the window and contemplated his answer. "I have not given it much thought, but I believe I can understand the appeal."

She laughed, surprised and delighted that he had answered her. "I know, right? Momma didn't always like it; she's a bit more metropolitan. She loved it when Daddy took her to fundraisers and she got to dress up and wear expensive things."

Joanna was going to ask the Vulcan which he preferred, casual or fancy dress, when a shuttered expression crossed his face. Spock had gone rigid, staring straight forward. Concerned, and a little scared, she was about to ask him what was wrong, but before she could, he left the room, moving so suddenly the redhead almost fell over. She gaped after him, not understanding what had happened.

Confused and a little hurt, Jay walked back over to the couch. Slumping in the seat she noticed the picture of a pretty black woman on the screen before it cut back to the reporter and she changed the channel, looking for a show or movie to watch.

…

Spock hadn't reappeared for supper, so Joanna told her father what had happened in the living room.

"He didn't say anything, he just left?"

"That's what I said," She swirled the ice in her glass, "What do you think upset him?"

"I don't know." Leonard frowned. "It's hard to tell with him sometimes. Are you sure you didn't hear the comm. system go off? You know he has better hearing than we do."

"No, it wasn't like that. He just froze, like something horrible popped up in his head and then ran off."

"Huh," The doctor stood, clearing his dishes. "Well, I guess I'm just going to have to ask him."

"If you can find him"

He sighed, "Yeah."

Jay put her own things away and went back up to her room. Normally after eating she and Spock would go over the work her AP Physics teacher had loaded the class down with. The Vulcan explained things more practically than the textbook did and she had been glad to have his help. The redhead liked physics, but her teacher was very dry and it was hard not to fall asleep during the lectures.

Getting out her PADD instead, she passed time chatting with friends on social networking sites and reading the latest celebrity gossip. When she grew bored of that, Joanna logged off and decided to read a novel that one of her friends had sent her a few weeks ago. It was a digital "re-print" of a twentieth century book written by a woman named McKinley. The redhead didn't normally like vampire stories, but this one was very well done and when she looked at the chronometer, it was almost midnight. Pulling her head out of the world of half-demons, blood suckers, and magic-users, she decided that it was probably time to go to bed. Jay shrugged out of her dress and into a tank top and shorts to sleep in.

The water bottle by her bed was empty, so she went down to refill it. There were no lights on in any of the bedrooms, no strip under the door anyway, but the hall light was on. She glanced over her shoulder as she went down the stairs and saw that the master bedroom door was open, her Daddy wasn't asleep yet.

She found him in the kitchen, sitting at the table and staring at a bottle of malt whiskey. Jay leaned on the doorframe, fiddling with the water bottle and chewing on her lower lip.

He didn't have a glass and the bottle wasn't open. The doctor was dressed for bed, shirtless, in a pair of loose pants. In the half-light of the room, his varying degrees of tan were oddly noticeable. Darkest on his forearms and neck, growing lighter has it crawled up his arms and lightest on his chest and hands were the gloves and shirts usually covered.

Momma would've had a fit, the redhead thought numbly, if she ever saw a tan that uneven.

Leonard's face was drawn and haggard. He looked worn out, as if the strain of not drinking was far worse than any consequence of drinking would ever be. He wasn't reaching for the bottle yet, but Joanna could tell it was killing him not to.

"You talked to Spock." It wasn't a question.

He didn't give any indication that he had heard her at first, but then he rubbed his face with one hand and sighed. "Yes."

"It didn't go very well."

"No."

Jay stepped quietly into the room and filled her water bottle at the sink. "Where is he now?"

"I don't know." The brunette slumped in his seat. "Outside, I think."

"Oh. Did you get him to tell you what upset him earlier?"

The doctor sighed again and patted the spot next to him on the bench. "C'mere darlin.'"

She sat down cautiously, unsure of where the conversation was going.

"Spock," Leonard closed his eyes briefly, "Spock is having a hard time. He's just gotten out of a…bad relationship."

"Like you and Mom?"

"Sort of," He winced. "Spock is special, okay? The woman he was with is human, interspecies relationships are complicated at best and unfortunately, this woman had a few screws loose. And being what he is, Spock didn't really realize that."

"So…Spock was dating a crazy person and now he's here because you know what that's like?"

He let out a bark of laughter, drawing her into a one arm hug. "Again: sort of. It's very complicated."

"Okay," Jay bit her lip again, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Leonard pressed a kiss to her temple, "Just keep on doing what you've been doing darling,' be his friend. Now head on up to bed, it's late."

She stood, "You too?"

They looked at each other for a long moment and then he smiled at her softly. "Yeah, me too."

The redhead grabbed her water bottle, pausing in the doorway to watch as the doctor picked up the whiskey and put it back in the cabinet over the fridge. She waited for him to come over and gave him a hug. "I love you Daddy."

"I love you too, sweetheart."

Crawling under the covers later, Joanna wondered where Spock was and hoped he was okay. She felt bad for him, but knew that if anyone could help him, it would be her Daddy.

…

**Okay, I think I've got a handle on this puppy now. Sorry for making ya'll wait for long for progress.**

**Hugs and kisses, I love you guys. You, my dear reviewers, are my support group You keep my writing going when I'm struggling, thank you.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Title: The Long Walk Home**

**Summary:** **Spock has been involved with Uhura for the entirety of their 5-year mission; now that the Enterprise is coming home secrets from that relationship are coming to light. Damaged in ways he cannot understand, Spock has nowhere to turn. Dr. McCoy has also been hurting, but the southern boy in him can't stand on the sidelines and watch Spock suffer. Can the broken find healing in each other?**

**Written by request for BlackMetalHeart**

**Chapter Playlist:**

_**Angels Fall First – Nightwish**_

_**Raised by Wolves – Falling in Reverse**_

_**Scars – Papa Roach**_

_**Caged – Within Temptation.**_

**Disclaimer: Ack! Somehow my alerts, PM's etc, got turned off on my account! NO wonder I haven't been getting updates for the stories I've been following or been responding to the reviews I've gotten in the last couple months! I am soooooooo sorry!**

**I want to let everyone know that I have not stopped updating because I've run out of ideas, but because I haven't had time! I tried to get this update out last month, but had so much going on with the school play, Forensics, homework, etc., that I didn't manage it. I can't really promise that I'll have updates out faster, but I am going try. I've got a few days of Fall Break right now, so I'm trying to get this chapter out and get a good start on the next one so I can have it posted during the next break.**

…

**Chapter Nine**

"You've heard then?"

Leonard looked up at Jim's image on the viewscreen, "About Uhura? Yeah."

"Does Spock know?"

"Yeah, he was with Joanna when the news aired."

"Well…what happened?"

The doctor sighed, "He just sorta…ran from the room. Nothing major, just the shock of hearing her voice in that sound byte, I guess. I tried to talk to him about it, but he just blew it off. I suppose I should be grateful that he didn't shutdown on me completely, like the last few times I've tried to talk to him."

Jim winced. "Not making much progress then?"

Leonard glared, "Dammit Jim, I'm not a psychiatrist. I'm a surgeon and a general physician. That's why we had Dr. Marsh on the Enterprise. Technically, I was her boss, but there is no way I am certified to do her job."

"Yeah, but you're smart Bones, you'll figure something out."

"I'll figure you out, you ignorant buffoon," the brunette growled, "Why don't you get your scrawny butt down here and fix this yourself, if it's so easy?"

Jim laughed, "No thanks, I'm fine where I am."

"And where is that exactly?"

"Oh, no place special."

"Uh huh." The doctor gave him a look.

The blonde grinned, "Sorry Bones, but I really don't see Barbados as your kind of place."

"I thought you were gong home, isn't your momma on a break right now?"

"Eh," Jim scrunched his nose, "She cancelled, again."

"Oh."

"Don't worry about it. I think I would have been more surprised if she had actually shown up. The woman gives workaholics a bad name." He snorted bitterly, "Obsessed is more like it. She said she was on the tail of something big and couldn't stop or risk losing it."

"Well, if she finds the cure for the common cold she's got my support. Of all the sicknesses in space, why that one is such a popular occurrence with you I'll never understand."

"Hey! I can't help it if I'm sensitive."

"Sensitive," Leonard rolled his eyes. "You, my friend, are about as sensitive as a brick, which means you're a level or two above Spock."

The blonde laughed. "Oh c'mon Bones, he's gotten a lot better since the Academy and the stuff with the Narada. I mean, yeah, he's a bit dense, but I think he's been more human lately than anybody gives him credit for."

The doctor frowned, "Really?"

"Well, when he wasn't hiding in his cabin or the lab. But during away missions and down time he was really starting to blend with the rest of the crew. If he didn't have pointy-ears he could easily pass as a nerdy-up-tight human with a funny complexion and a bad case of OCD."

"Huh."

"Don't look so bewildered Bones," Jim shrugged, "You were always so busy- it's not really surprising that you didn't notice."

"Yeah, but," Leonard rubbed the back of his neck, "Am I really that bad of a friend Jim? That I don't notice the changes in the personality of the people closest to me?"

"Are you kidding? You're the best friend anyone could ask for. You've just," the blonde gave him a half-smile, "had a lot to deal with lately. Your job has a lot of responsibility, plus you've been helping Chapel with her doctorate. You've got a bunch of stuff on your mind. Honestly, it's no wonder you've been distracted. And now that you're home you've got the farm _and_ Joanna to worry about, as well as Spock."

"Is there really any kind of excuse for avoiding your friends though? I don't know what to say to Spock, I don't know how to fix him. I can't pretend that there's nothing wrong when there is-you know I don't fake disinterest very well."

"Well you've never really had to." Jim winked, "Always said what's on your mind, regardless of the consequences. Have you tried that with Spock yet? I mean, let's face it, everyone pretty much treats him with kid gloves as it is- don't want to offend the alien and all that political correctness crap. Plus, if he doesn't like you he can snap you in half."

"I'd like to avoid that, thanks."

"It's not like you to avoid something, Bones. Don't you think that might be adding to Spock's stress? He's so used to seeing you act one way and if you're not anymore, he's probably blowing fuses in that big ole noggin' of his, trying to figure out what's wrong." He shrugged, "Maybe, if you just be yourself he'll feel more comfortable and open up."

Leonard sighed. "Maybe."

"Trust me, it'll work." Jim looked distracted. "Uh, I gotta go. I'll talk to you later."

The doctor snorted. "Don't hurt yourself brother."

The blonde grinned "Never on purpose."

Leonard switched off the viewscreen and sat for a moment, thinking. He hadn't spoken to Jim since last week and it had done him more good than he would have thought to see his friend. Why or how he and the blonde had bonded so well was a mystery to just about everyone, but the doctor was glad that it had happened. Somehow, they balanced each other out and Leonard was sure that if they hadn't met, at least one of them would be in the loony bin right now.

He sighed and decided to take the kid's advice. Nothing else had worked and he was running out of ideas and time. He'd tried pressing the Vulcan for answers, he's used three different types of therapy, and he's even talked one of his old colleagues down to the ranch to try hypnotizing Spock. That last hadn't gone over very well; the Vulcan didn't speak to him for almost four solid days after that. Leonard felt like his efforts to help Spock were slowly destroying their friendship and before too long there wouldn't be enough of it left for the Vulcan to have a reason to trust him. Spock was like stone, giving no indication that he had ever experienced any abuse or discomfort at the hands of another sentient being and the doctor didn't know how to break through his friend's defenses.

The fear of losing Spock entirely was making him impatient, causing him to rush processes that really needed months to show progress.

"Fine," he muttered, "No more therapy-we'll pretend it never happened and pray Spock doesn't get any worse."

The brunette groaned. He didn't like this plan, but he was out of options and Jim was usually pretty good at reading people. If the blonde thought this would shake the Vulcan out of his monotonous personality, then there was a pretty good chance that it would. The kid was the only one who could manage to get under Spock's skin on a regular basis.

As a surgeon, Leonard was not used to treating something he couldn't see. He was having difficulty figuring out how to approach the problem that lay before him and the slightly desperate nature of the situation wasn't helping. The brunette had spent most of the past two months, when not out working, holed in his office-partially to avoid Spock and mainly to do research. Both the doctor and the Vulcan had been particularly uptight since it had been announced that Uhura had accepted the position of First Officer aboard a Federation Diplomatic vessel, almost two weeks ago. So when he went downstairs and dropped onto the couch next to the Vulcan he received strange looks from Joanna and the former First Officer.

"Man it's hot out today," Leonard commented casually and turned his head to glance at Spock. "Hey, you wanna help me with the fence? I'm almost done, just need to paint a few spots."

The girl and the Vulcan exchanged looks that were purposefully ignored by the doctor. After behaving so unusually for so long, the two weren't sure how to react to Leonard's sudden drop back into character.

Jay spoke cautiously, testing the water, "Have you spoken to Uncle Jim lately, Daddy?"

"Yeah, I spoke to him not too long ago." The brunette checked the laces on his boots absently, "He's goofing off in Barbados or some such place."

"Oh, then when is he going to come and see us?"

"Probably last minute knowing Jim. "Leonard grinned, "He never learns."

Standing just as suddenly as he had sat down, the brunette slapped Spock on the shoulder as he turned toward the door, "So, how 'bout it? Fence?"

The Vulcan blinked and rose to his feet slowly. "If you require my assistance…."

"Of course, it gets pretty lonely out there by myself. "Leonard kissed Jay on the cheek, "We'll be back in a couple of hours."

"Okay…" She watched them leave, looking as confused as Spock probably felt.

Instead of taking the truck, the doctor decided that they could ride down to the spot on the fence that needed paint. While he waited for Spock to change clothes, Leonard caught the horses. He hooked Cash up to a set of cross-ties and went to tack up his own horse, Apache Gunsmoke. The dapple quarter horse was smaller than the Tennessee Walker, but he had plenty of speed and attitude. With the exception of his original owner, the doctor was the only one Smoke had ever let ride him. Others had tried, including Frank and Jocelyn, but after one of the stable hands had been hospitalized trying to exercise the horse, Leonard had refused to let anyone else try. Joanna had tried to get him to let Spock ride the horse, but the doctor had told her no. He wasn't going to purposefully put the Vulcan in a situation that risked life and limb.

It didn't take Spock long to saddle his own horse and by the time Leonard put the brushes and other supplies in a saddlebag, the Vulcan was ready to ride. The doctor hefted the paint can, mounted, and directed Smoke out into the field one-handed. Spock followed dutifully behind on Cash.

They rode in silence; Leonard didn't care for chatter when on horseback- he preferred to simply enjoy the ride. Since Spock wasn't normally loud or talkative, the brunette figured he needn't worry about the peace being broken by words. It was hot and as a trickle of sweat ran down the side of his face, the brunette made a mental note to as if the Vulcan had put on sunscreen when they reached their destination. Neither Joanna no Spock tanned under the sun, they just burned, so whenever he could, Leonard reminded them to cover up when they had riding lessons.

The spot on the fence that needed repainting wasn't far from the house and didn't take long to get to. Dismounting, the doctor emptied the saddlebags and tossed Spock an extra lead line. They both stripped the horses of their saddles and used the lines to tie them to a section of the fence roughly a dozen yards from where they would be working. Leonard made sure the reins were knotted short so that they wouldn't be stepped on and risk injuring the horses.

The doctor opened the paint can and handed Spock a brush, "Which side of the fence do you want?"

When he only received a raised eyebrow in response, Leonard shrugged. "Okay, you take the inside."

The brunette took his own brush and climbed over the fence, setting the paint can down on a post where they could both reach it. Catching sight of his shirt out of the corned of his eye, Leonard realized that he should have changed his own clothes before coming out to work. He was wearing his favorite plaid shirt and he really didn't want black paint splattered on it. Sighing, the doctor put his brush down and began unbuttoning the shirt. Fortunately he had a wifebeater on underneath, so he didn't have to worry about scrubbing his chest raw later while trying to get the paint stains off.

"We'll probably have to do at least three coats of paint; this wood will soak up a lot." He commented idly while they worked, "As sunny as it is today, we might get two coats of them down before we lose the daylight."

Spock twitched his understanding, but did not speak.

When the first coat was finished, Leonard climbed back over the fence and lay on his back on the ground. It would take at least half an hour for the paint to dry. Spock carefully covered the paint can and sat down a few feet away from the human. The Vulcan was wearing one of the gray shirts Joanna had picked out and a pair of blue jeans that over the last month had seen a surprisingly large amount of use. They weren't as worn as the doctor's, but they were well on their way. The girl had been teaching Spock everything she knew about horses, which ranged from lunging to mucking out stalls. Leonard hadn't been able to keep from laughing the first time they had come in after cleaning the barn. It had rained the night before and they were both covered in mud. The brunette never got the full story, but his understanding was that Joanna had slipped and taken the Vulcan down with her. Evidently, when taken by enough surprise, even Spock could be clumsy.

Leonard checked the time on his chronometer and then leapt to his feet, "C'mon, it'll be while yet before the paint dries, let's go for a ride."

He didn't put the plaid shirt back on; instead he shoved it into his saddlebag. They tacked up quickly and mounted. They started out at a trot that soon turned into a canter was they broke away from the fence line and cut across the field. The doctor guided the horses toward the back of the property, where it grew wooded and a stream flowed through the back left corner.

Leonard didn't come back here very often. It was a beautiful spot, shaded and cool, but on the other side of the stream bank, under a massive willow tree planted by his grandfather, was a small cluster of headstones. Leonard did not like to dwell in the past and so he generally avoided cemeteries. Jocelyn had done most of the upkeep when they had lived on the ranch, but it was mostly overgrown now. He could have asked Frank to keep the place clear, but it was a private family matter and the doctor doubted that Frank even knew the place existed.

"My Grandpa planted that willow right after he bought the property. Aunt Joan, my mother's sister, died very young. She was the first to be buried under that tree. Momma would talk about how angry Grandpa'd get, because he never could get that willow to weep. Then she'd say that Grandma could tell him that the tree wouldn't weep because Joan was there and she was such a happy child that the willow couldn't bear to make her sad."

"How did she die?" Spock asked quietly.

Leonard glanced at him before dismounting. "Aunt Jean was diabetic, except nobody knew until it was too late. She slipped into a coma and died two days later." He stepped across the stream and ripped some grass away from a headstone. "She was five years old."

"I am sorry for your loss."

The brunette shrugged, "Not a loss I've ever really noticed, as I'd never met her."

Spock stepped from the saddle and lead both of the horses across the water, the three of them stood in silence, watching the human clear away grass and weeds from around the carious headstones. There weren't very many, five total, all of them varying in age. The first stone Leonard had indicated was oldest, then there were a pair that looked the same, but still younger than the first by at least thirty years. The second to last headstone was around fifteen years old and the one on the very end was ten years at the most. It was also smaller than the others.

"That's Grandpa and Grandma," The doctor gestured to the pair matching in age, "They died roughly two years apart, Grandpa went first."

"And the last two?" Curiosity, and a certain degree of empathy, had loosened the Vulcan's tongue.

"The last one is Joanna's dog, Marshall. She was only eight at the time and he was her best friend and pretty much part of the family. It made her feel better to know that he was in the same place as Michael."

Spock looked at him, "Michael?"

Leonard's face was solemn and his voice was quiet as he pointed to the second to last stone, "Joanna's twin brother, he was stillborn."

The Vulcan felt an unpleasant pang of shock flash through him. After all the time he had spent with humans, Spock had begun to believe that he understood them, that their emotions made them transparent (a belief held by most Vulcans). But the more time he spent with Leonard, the more complex the man became, the more secrets there were to uncover. He had not known that the doctor had a son or that he had lost a child. For all the man's posturing and insistence that the Vulcan needed healing, Spock was becoming more and more convinced that it was the human who needed help. The stories he had heard about Leonard's marriage, and now the loss of a child at such an age….the fact that the doctor had lived with such pain for so long and yet was able to function so well in society was baffling to him.

Spock rarely admitted to it, but he still carried his mother's death with him heavily. That loss was sharp and after five years, still fresh, but he could not begin to fathom what the doctor and his wife had experienced.

Standing there, under the shade of the tall willow and in the presence of the dead, next to this man who had gone through so much-the Vulcan felt a sudden and deep desire to tell Leonard everything-anything- if it would make the human happy. The doctor had been so kind to him, helping in the ways he knew how, despite Spock's lack of understanding. He did not know why, but he felt it wrong that his friend should have suffered so.

The Vulcan had often seen a glimpse of something tragic in the doctor's face, but he had always assumed that it had been related to the divorce. "I am truly sorry for the loss of your son."

Leonard looked at him, face haggard and shoulders slightly slumped. "It was a long time ago. Having Jay helped us cope, I don't know what we would have done if she had died too."

Spock reached out and touched the man's shoulder before he realized what he was doing. The doctor gave him a half smile and turned back to the horses. The Vulcan stood frozen for a moment, overwhelmed by the memories and emotions he had discovered though the contact with Leonard's skin.

There was pain, very similar to his own.

Sorrow. Grief. Tears.

And joy-happiness found in the life of a redheaded girl.

Spock blinked away the foreign thoughts; they would be dealt with later, when he meditated. The doctor was once more astride Smoke and the Vulcan followed suit with his own horse. They took a meandering path back to the fence. The human was in no apparent hurry to return to work and Spock could understand why. It was obvious that Leonard did not dwell on his son very often and was probably dealing with some difficult emotions right now.

When they did make it back to the fence they worked in silence. The second coat was on faster then the first and before long Spock found himself in the barn, untacking and preparing to turn Cash out to pasture. The events of the day had given him and the human a lot to think about.

The Vulcan was stuck somewhere between his newfound understanding and reeling over Leonard's sudden change in behavior. The past few weeks had been particularly tense-the doctor had tried several different techniques in his attempts to "cure" Spock of something the half-Vulcan was sure wasn't wrong with him. To have the human suddenly revert to normal patterns without showing any indication that the events of the last 168 hours had every happened was mildly baffling and certainly frustrating. The Vulcan couldn't decided if he should just go a long with it, whatever t was, or to question the doctor about the change. Surely the man hadn't given up?

The thought left Spock cold, although he was not entirely sure why. After losing his mother and the strange way Nyota had "left" him, the Vulcan thought that he should be able to handle such rejection. All he knew was that he did not wish to be abandoned by anyone ever again.

….

Leonard walked into the house feeling so drained he was surprised he could walk. The doctor wasn't sure what had possessed him to take Spock to the graveyard, but he hoped it wouldn't happen again anytime soon. He had enough on his plate with out dredging up ancient history.

"Daddy?"

"Mmm?" Leonard swallowed the mouthful of sweet tea he had just taken, "What do you need, Jay?"

The redhead stood in the doorway looking hesitant. "Um…."

"Spit it out darling,' I need to take a shower."

She took a deep breath, "Shelly, remember Shelly? She was my best friend before Momma moved-She and a bunch of the local kids are having a party type thing, to hang out and stuff before school starts and I was wondering-if-I-could-go."

Leonard raised an eyebrow; acutely aware of whom he had learned the gesture from. "And where is the party going to take place?"

"Well, it's tonight. Shelly's grandparent said she could use their barn-it's out on McCullough road."

"And who invited you to this thing?"

Jay rolled her eyes. "Shelly, duh. We don't see each other too often, but we still talk."

"How late are you going to be out?"

She shrugged, "I dunno, Shelly'll pick me up-probably around eight. I expect it'll last until midnight, she has to work in the morning, so I doubt we'll be up too late."

The brunette frowned, "Is she going to drop you off when it's over, or were you planning to spend the night at her house?"

"Well…we were kinda hoping I could spend the night," She spoke quickly, "It would be easier that way, I mean, Shelly would drop me off here on her way to work tomorrow, no big deal. That way you wouldn't have to worry about having to pick me up. Please?"

He looked at her for a moment and sighed. "Fine," Leonard laughed as she leapt at him with a shriek, "But make sure you have your communicator with you- remember, you call me if you need anything."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Jay hugged him tightly before running to get ready.

"Stay out of trouble," He bellowed after her, "If you get drunk they'll never find the body, understand me?"

A muffled "yessir" floated down the stairs and Leonard rolled his eyes. He knew most of the local families and they were a decent bunch so he wasn't too worried about the girl getting into trouble. That's not to say that teenagers won't try, but here wasn't too much they could do out in the middle of the country. Except maybe think of ways to get into trouble….

Leonard thought of his own childhood and shrugged off a feeling of concern. He had run with a pretty rough crowd, Joanna's friends were better than his had been. The doctor recalled the time he was nearly arrested and shook his head. He hadn't been the most obedient of sons, but at least he had never developed a criminal record. Unlike Jim, whose past Pike had pulled a lot of strings to have erased.

The brunette shook the past from his mind and went to take a shower. He was so sick of the fuss people made about stuff that had happened so long ago that the individuals involved couldn't possibly be the same people anymore. Leonard just wanted to move on; he didn't know what had possessed him to go to the graveyard today, but he wished he hadn't. It was sure to raise questions that he really didn't want to have to answer.

….

After the time spent with Leonard, the Vulcan's day passed relatively quickly. He did not see much of Joanna in the evening; she was preparing to spend time with her friends. Spock had taken advantage of the solitude and retired to his room to think and meditate. He had of late, been struggling to quiet his mind for long enough to enter a deeper state of meditation that was needed to restore his body. Because of this, he was often forced to sleep as humans did for rest.

The Vulcan had traced the source of his disquiet to the events of three weeks prior when the announcement of Nyota's promotion had aired. The woman had been appointed the position of first officer aboard one of the Federation's new diplomatic vessels, a reward for her faithful service and ingenuity. When her name had been mentioned, Spock had felt as if a heavy weight had been placed upon his chest, restricting his lungs. He had been aware that he had shocked Joanna by his sudden exit, but he had taken action before he had realized what he was doing.

Even thinking of it now, he could not breathe.

He tried to concentrate, to focus his thoughts and clear his mind of the conflict that was holding him back.

During his relationship with Nyota, Spock had gotten used to the feeling that his mind was not his alone. Every time he touched her, a part of the woman's mind entered his own and when he withdrew, not all of the foreign thoughts left as well. The Vulcan had been forced to construct a corridor in his mind, within which he could sort and store the bit of Nyota's mind that remained in his. He had already begun the process of removing her memories and echoes, but there were a lot to sift through and his difficulty in meditating was not helping the process. It was not helpful either, to have Leonard's thoughts to contend with as well.

Breathing slowly, Spock tried to collect all of the stray memories and bundle them away into the corner he had dedicated to the doctor, at least until he could deal with them properly. The human's thoughts largely centered on Joanna. He touched a few that were of the enterprise and on about Michael, but nearly all of them featured the girl. The almost overwhelming sense of love and protection that surrounded each memory made the Vulcan wonder if all parents felt as strongly about their children as Leonard did about his daughter. It they did, Spock could only marvel as to how they let the children out of their sight at any time.

Pushing through the human thoughts, the Vulcan deepened his breathing in preparation for clearing the clutter of his mind. It nearly pained him physically to have become so out of contact with his core. The inner peace of just six months ago was almost gone, disrupting Spocks's meditation. Try as he might, the Vulcan could not calm the turmoil that existed within, putting him on edge.

Frustrated, but unwilling to give up, Spock forced his thoughts inward, searching for order in the chaos he found there.

….

At eight o'clock Leonard watched his daughter leave and found himself alone in the house. Joanna, thought not particularly noisy, had certainly filled the home in a way that the doctor hadn't realized. It felt empty and wrong not to have her there. Shaking his head, the brunette went to his office. He refused to mope, the girl would be back in twenty-four hours, it wasn't like last time, he wasn't losing her….

He sighed to himself as he sat down and reached for his PADD. Starfleet had contacted him last week, offering him several new positions, including reinstatement as CMO on the Enterprise. Leonard was torn over the decision he had to make, and soon. He knew Jim and the others wanted him to come back, but the doctor didn't know if he wanted to. He didn't know what he'd do if he didn't go back aboard the Enterprise either. One of the new posts he had been offered was as head of the surgical department with one of the new Federation colonies. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you looked at it) the one thing Leonard was fully certain of, was that he was sick of space. He might be able to hack it on a non-terran planet colony, but he'd prefer to remain earth-bound.

But if he was going to do that, he'd have to start looking for a hospital that would take him, now.

The doctor let his head hit the desk with a dull thud. He was so tired of having to make life-altering decisions, especially this late in life. His father had one job that he worked at for forty-six years. Both of his grandpa's had only worked for one company their entire lives. Leonard has changed "careers" three times. He clerked at the general store and in college had swapped from Business Administration to Pre-Med. A move his father hadn't exactly approved of.

Not for the first time in his life, Leonard wished that he were born several centuries earlier, when everything seemed so much simpler.

Considering the options from Starfleet, the doctor decided to at least look into local clinics to see if there were any possibility that he could stay closer to home, and on earth at the very least.

He hated job hunting almost as much as he did therapy-neither of which had ever come easily to him.

….

Spock jerked into wakefulness when the front door slammed. He had moved to a chair on the porch after his most recent attempt to meditate was les than successful. Frowning subtly, the Vulcan stood as Leonard tore past him and down the front walk. It was late or perhaps more accurately, early. The former First Officer's internal chronometer placed the time around two a.m. Even on the low light, Spock could see the doctor's agitation in the jerky movements and disheveled clothing.

"Leonard?" He called cautiously.

The human paused, half in Lucy's driver side door and their eyes locked. The motion sensetive floodlight on the corner of the house had turned on when Leonard reached the truck and the Vulcan was startled by the look on the man's face: something caught between rage and fear.

"Something," the brunette swallowed. "Something's happened to Joanna."

The eye contact held for another moment, before the doctor disappeared into the cab and Lucy roared to life.

Spock watched the truck's taillights fade into the night and felt something constrict in his throat at the thought of Joanna being hurt. He had become very attached to the girl during the time he had spent here; she was quite possibly the most relatable human he had ever met. And quite possibly the kindest.

The Vulcan could not fathom the root of his connection with Joanna, but it was important to him. He had lost so many-his mother, his planet-he did not want to lose her too.

There was nothing he could do to help. All he could do was wait.

Wait and deal with the aftermath. Again.

Spock felt a pang of disquiet at the last thought. Picking up the pieces-a colloquial phrase, but one that applied to his life of late. Or perhaps accurately, how Leonard had been acting lately.

His mind went back to the other times when he had been similarly helpless, the face of Nyota and his mother flashed through his mind, and he broke into a cold sweat. Moving numbly and without truly seeing, Spock stumbled into the house and collapsed onto the bottom step of the staircase. He drew his legs up, placing his head between his knees, and forced himself to breathe as normally as possible. He was experiencing a panic-attack-his clinical bran informed him. His first, but he was witnessed others and hoped that he would be able to hold himself together, despite wanting to let go and fly apart.

….

**Ahhh! Will it all work out? :chews at fingernails worriedly: Will Joana be okay? Has Spock seriously cracked? I guess we're going to have to wait and find out.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Title: The Long Walk Home**

**Summary:** **Spock has been involved with Uhura for the entirety of their 5-year mission; now that the Enterprise is coming home secrets from that relationship are coming to light. Damaged in ways he cannot understand, Spock has nowhere to turn. Dr. McCoy has also been hurting, but the southern boy in him can't stand on the sidelines and watch Spock suffer. Can the broken find healing in each other?**

**Written by request for BlackMetalHeart**

**Chapter Playlist:**

_**Undisclosed Desires – Muse**_

_**Headlock – Imogen Heap**_

_**Have You Seen Me Lately? –Counting Crows**_

_**Somebody to Love – Jefferson Airplane**_

_**I Don't Hurt Anymore –Johnny Cash**_

**Disclaimer: Finals went well and I'm actually really looking forward to next semester. **

**It's a new year!**

…**.**

Chapter Eight

Spock's sensitive hearing picked up every noise, which caused him to twitch anytime he heard what might be the crunch of gravel. He felt off-kilter, as if the preverbal rug had been pulled from beneath his feet and he had no way of regaining his footing. He was worried-Far more worried than he had ever been in his life. He felt the pain of suspense over what may or may not have happened involving Joanna so acutely that he did not know what to do. If what he was feeling was even a faction of what Leonard was dealing with….the Vulcan felt tears prick at his eyes and tightened his jaw against them. Surely he had not fallen so far that the distress of a human would upset him so?

Spock's hands tensed in anger, the nails biting through the skin of his palm. Was it so wrong to care about other people? How could empathy ever be considered disgraceful by anyone? Perhaps in the heat of battle is would allow weakness, but this was not combat, these were his friends. They were…, he swallowed, family. Surely, his mother would be proud of him for developing such bonds. She had always encouraged him to interact kindly with others.

But, his mother was human. It was not Vulcan to become so attached to an individual person, much less family….

The former First-Officer sat in misery—wrenched one way and then the other by the two sides of his upbringing. Desperately, he tried to regain control—concentrating as hard as he could internally. So consumed by the struggle, Spock missed the sound of the truck as the McCoy's returned. He did not return to awareness until the front door flew open and a sobbing Joanna hurtled over the threshold and into his arms.

The impact of her slender form rattled him more mentally than it did physically. He reeled for a moment—shocked that she had come to him for comfort, before instinct kicked in and he gathered her into his arms. Spock looked over the girl's head and into Leonard's anguished face.

In that moment something snapped within the Vulcan and his prior conflict vanished. His usual peace of mind and composure swept over him. There were two broken people in front of him who needed his help. His own problems could wait-he had to help.

Spock easily rose to his feet, bearing the trembling redhead in his arms. He made eye-contact with the doctor again, and something in his body language must have spoken to the man, for Leonard's face relaxed slightly and he nodded.

The Vulcan returned the gesture and carried Joanna up to her room.

….

Leonard had thought the ride to get Joanna felt like forever, but, if it were at all possible, the trip back to the house had been even longer. The whole way out, all he had been able to do was picture different scenarios, trying to imagine what could have happened to his little girl. The deputy who had called him hadn't given any details, other than to say that something had happened and that he needed to come and get Joanna.

The knowledge that Jay was in danger had hit Leonard like a bucket of ice water on a hot August day in Georgia. Fear had gripped his heart with its frozen fingers and squeezed until he could barely breathe. He had remained numbed by anger and panic until he saw her sitting in the open ambulance, wrapped in a yellow blanket. She was in one piece and still breathing and that was all he cared about. But, even now, back at the house, the doctor still felt shaky from the ebbing of the emotional rocket he had just been on. He fell, boneless, onto the couch and stared, unseeingly, at the ceiling.

The adrenaline singing in his blood told him that he needed to rip something, or_ someone_, into tiny pieces with his bare hands, but every time his mind started down that path, he was presented with the scene from moments ago. The way the lifeless look in Spock's eyes had vanished when he wrapped his arms around Jay and the look of understanding on the Vulcan's face when he lifted the girl to take her upstairs. Something was happening. Something important and he was loath to do anything that might disrupt it. He itched to go and be with his daughter, to comfort her, but not even the pinch in his chest could overpower the feeling that Spock was what she needed right now. She would need her father later—when the dust had settled.

Exhausted, the stress of the day and the interrupted sleep had worn him out, so, despite his worry, the doctor couldn't keep his eyes open and began to drift off to sleep.

….

"Leonard?"

The human jolted awake and would have fallen to floor if a strong arm hadn't caught him. For a moment, Leonard was lost, disoriented—unsure of where he was or what was happening. "What?"

"Leonard? Are you 'okay?'"

"Uh," The doctor struggled upright, "Yeah, I'm fine. I guess…."

The Vulcan watched him carefully, looking for what, god only knew.

"Is Joanna okay?"

Spock nodded, sitting down on the coffee table, facing the brunette. "She is sleeping."

"Did she say what happened?"

"Yes."

Leonard scowled. "Don't mess with me Spock, I am not in the mood to play games."

The Vulcan blinked, opened his mouth to say something and then changed his mind, closing it again. They sat in silence for a moment, each second feeling like a step closer to judgment day. Leonard inhaled deeply through his nose, his heart was trying to climb out of his mouth or he would have spoken again.

Spock sighed and in a very human moment, passed a hand over his face. "I do not know that it is my place to tell you, but perhaps it would be easier for you both if I did."

"Please, Spock," The doctor leaned forward, "Just tell me."

"You should know first that she is physically unharmed."

Leonard went slack with relief. "Well, that's something, at least."

"She had a bad scare, but seems to be largely over it at this point." Spock hesitated, "There was a boy and…."

The human shook his head, "I don't want to know details. I don't _need_ to know. Not right now, I'll probably break something." He gave a wry smile. "Or worse."

The Vulcan nodded. "Suffice it to say, something happened and things were said that hurt. Joanna was frightened and she called the local sheriff. Her friend, Shelley, sat with her until the authorities arrived. Parents were called and certain people were reprimanded."

Leonard closed his eyes. "_Reprimanded._"

"Yes."

"I suppose I'll have to live with that, won't I?"

"Yes."

The doctor sighed, his head falling forward into his hands. "Then why don't I feel any better?"

"Because she is your daughter"

Leonard glanced up at the Vulcan and laughed—a harsh sound in the dark room. "Yeah."

Silence returned and the two sat content to let it reign for a while. It was an easy moment this time, without the emotional tension of the former. The doctor liked it, it was companionable—not unlike the silences he shared with Jim. Now that the fear of the unknown had passed, each breath he took relaxed him further. Smiling to himself, Leonard wondered if this was how Spock felt when he meditated. It would certainly make it worth it, he thought, to spend so much time sitting and breathing if it was always this restorative. Maybe he would have to ask the Vulcan to teach him sometime.

"Leonard?"

"Mmm?" The human was falling asleep, crashing again after the adrenaline.

Spock's voice was soft, almost inaudible, but they jerked the doctor back into wakefulness more effectively that a bucket of cold water. "I would like to tell you about Uhura now, if you are still willing to listen."

"Of course," Leonard sat up. "Of course I'm willing to listen, buddy."

"You are my closest friend, Leonard, and I have greatly appreciated the time you have spent with me." Spock swallowed, "I did not realize until now the emotional burden I have been carrying. Vulcan's are not the most sensitive of beings."

The doctor shook his head. "Don't apologize for that, you are what you are and we wouldn't have it any other way. I'm sorry if I've every made you feel like that was something you needed to be ashamed of. Besides, you can't help your heritage or what you were raised to believe, we all have things like that that hold us back."

"Thank you for your honesty; it has always been one of your most admirable qualities."

The brunette shrugged a shoulder, embarrassed by the sincerity of the comment. "Thank you, but you wanted to talk and I don't mean to sidetrack you."

Spock told a story that was tragic and hauntingly familiar at the times. The Vulcan had been vulnerable after the loss of his mother and his planet and had apparently trusted the wrong person.

As he listened, Leonard began to understand how Spock had been unaware of what was happening to him and the extent of Uhura's cruelty. The woman had some idea of what the perfect boyfriend was supposed to be and when Spock didn't measure up, she had tried to change him. She had taken something already wounded, crushed it under her heel and tried to rebuild it into something new.

Of course, it could not be done, and disappointment had bred frustration, which bred contempt.

Which had led to the abuse.

It was a familiar pattern that made the doctor's heart break for his friend. Hadn't his marriage ended after a similar fashion? He and Jocelyn had stopped thinking in terms of what they could do for the other and instead, what the other could do for them.

Selfishness, he thought, it all came down to selfishness.

But Spock hadn't known to be selfish. He hadn't known how the procedure for the destruction of human relationships worked. The Vulcan had become an unwitting victim to human nature, without anyone to save him until it was almost too late.

When the story was done, they sat in silence for a moment. Leonard finally cleared his throat, "Do you need anything?"

Spock looked surprised by the questions, and thoughtful. "No," he said slowly, "not at this time. I am going to meditate; I feel I may be able to now."

The doctor nodded. "Good. Well, I'm going to bed. Don't hesitate to wake me up if you need anything."

…

He woke in a cold sweat, panting for breath. Leonard passed a shaky hand over his face; he hadn't had a nightmare that bad since the divorce. He glanced at the chronometer, seven a.m. He had only slept for a few hours. The brunette swung his legs over the side of the bed, elements of the dream still fresh in his mind. The only reason he could think of for the nightmare were Spock's words, which he could still hear. The story had obviously struck a deeper cord in him than he had realized. He drug in a few deep breaths, taking his Grandfather's Zippo from the bedside table and flicking it open and closed for a few minutes. The motion soothed him, but he knew he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep.

Restlessly, he stood, dropping the lighter into his pants pocket and pulling an old t-shirt over his head. Memories of what had happened between he and Jocelyn swirled in his mind, brought to the surface by the struggles of his friend. Leonard sighed, unsure of what to do next, and without really thinking about it, he found himself headed downstairs—past the main floor and to the basement.

When he opened the door, the light was already on and he could hear movement, but he ignored it. He had to do something. He didn't know why, but now was the time and it had to be done, _now._

Joanna was on the treadmill, but he walked past her without comment. The doctor moved with a purpose that caught the redhead's attention. She pulled her headphones off, watching silently as he flung open a door and stepped into a small room they used for storage. She turned the machine off, wiping her face with a towel as her father drug a large chest out into the open floor.

Leonard sat back onto his heels, staring down at the large box before him. It was beautiful, handcrafted from a sweet-smelling wood and at least fifty years old. It was funny, he thought, how a lifetime could be contained in something so simple. Dimly, he was aware of footsteps coming up behind him.

"What is it?"

The brunette didn't turn his head to answer. "My marriage."

A small hand rested on his shoulder and the doctor covered it with his own. "Daddy, what do those mean?"

Leonard ran his fingers over the strange lettering carved deep into the chest's lid. "Your Great-Grandfather made this cedar-chest for your Great-Grandmother as a wedding present. His Momma was from the Cherokee Nation and she taught him about his heritage. She didn't want him to forget what he came from, so when he promised his love to Grandma, he put in the words of his people."

"It's beautiful."

He swallowed. "Yes, it is."

The doctor felt along the underside of the lid until he found the catch, and pressed it. The lock popped and the lid released, springing open half an inch. Leonard closed his eyes, hands poised to rip open a world he had shut away years ago. Joanna squeezed his shoulder and he took a deep breath, throwing back the lid as he did so.

He was afraid to open his eyes, but at his daughter's soft "oh," he forces himself to look.

Scraps of his former life looked back at him. Pictures, baby clothes wrapped around various knickknacks that Jocelyn had left behind. Looking back, he was amazed that everything was packed away as neatly as it was.

The redhead reached in and drew out a photograph from the wedding.

It was a happy picture, he and Jocelyn were both laughing. The photographer's shutter had closed just as he had picked up his new wife, spinning them both around, capturing the image of two people surrounded by bits of flying white dress and blonde hair.

Jay held the picture close to her face, "I had forgotten how happy you two could be."

"I think we did too," Leonard said quietly, turning his gaze back to the contents of the past.

Photo albums.

Medical journals—the first and last he had been published in before he decided to get out of research and into a more practical medical field.

Michael's baby blanket—bright red, and Joanna's—bright purple. Both embroidered with the babies' names. A gift from Jocelyn's mother.

The twin's ultrasound print, Leonard's hand shook as he lifted it out. Two little lives preserved forever on plastic. He blinked away tears, tucking the object back into obscurity.

In that moment, he made a decision. Using both hands, the doctor began pulling memories from their designated places, pouring them out onto the floor behind and around him.

Joanna hesitated at first, but soon joined him. Together, they emptied the chest.

"What are we doing?" She asked, after picking up a picture frame obviously made by little hands during an art class.

"We're sterilizing an infection." Leonard muttered grimly. Saying it aloud only made him more aware of how the divorce had come to define him. Pointing out how he had allowed loss to rule his life.

They stood, looking at the mess strewn on the floor, like relics form an archeological dig. Carefully, the doctor picked up a few items, the ultrasound, the picture frame, and others; placing them back inside the chest to keep. He was about to close it when Joanna held out to him the wedding photo.

"I used to think that you and mom would get back together." She shrugged, "For the longest time I could only remember the happy days. But then Momma met Frank and you went away. Then I knew it was over. I knew you would have never left if you still loved her."

Leonard looked at her and gently accepted the picture. "I'm sorry."

Jay shook her head, "Don't be. I know you tried. And even if Momma won't admit it, it wasn't entirely your fault."

He set the photo on the bottom of the chest, next to the ultrasound and closed the lid. The brunette gestured to the items piled around them, "Help me carry this stuff outside?"

She nodded, stooping to lift an armful, "What are we doing now?"

He opened the back door and pointed to the brick-lined fire pit next to the patio. "Fire has been used for centuries as a method of purification, who are we to mess with tradition?"

The redhead shrugged again, "Nobody, I guess."

After the wreckage was piled high, Leonard pulled the Zippo out of his pocket and lit the edge of a medical journal. The laminated paper smoked and curled before catching fire. He held it for a moment and then dropped it into the pit. Some of the stuff didn't want to burn at first, but was soon persuaded by the flames licking the books and clothing.

As the fire climbed higher and destroyed the past, Leonard could hear every mean word he and Jocelyn had exchanged. The things they had done to each other towards the end. Things nobody deserve to have said or done to them. Just because the destruction was mutual, didn't mean that it was any better than what Uhura had done to Spock.

He didn't know that he was crying until Joanna hugged him. He wrapped his arms around her glad to have something to hold onto while he let go of the pain and the past.

…

Staring out the window and drinking his coffee, Leonard felt lighter than he had in years. There was a tension missing from his shoulders, the constant headache he had gotten used to living with was gone. He was tired, lack of sleep will do that to you, but he wasn't emotionally worn out anymore. Apparently, setting things on fire was more therapeutic than he had realized. Maybe he should suggest it to Jim for some of his issues.

He laughed at the mental image of the blonde dancing around a huge pyre, chanting something unintelligible and waving a bottle of hard alcohol.

Yeah, maybe fire was not something to recommend to the clinically insane.

Still smiling, the doctor looked back down at his PADD. He had a few new messages, including one from the blonde, saying that he was finally on his way to Georgia, and a note from an old colleague who ran a clinic in a little town nearby, Dr. Shelby. The brunette read the message with interest, the other doctor had heard that he was back in the area and wanted him to stop by the clinic. Leonard bookmarked the invitation with the other options he had available for his future. Starfleet had sent him another appointment to consider, this time with a new colony near the neutral zone. He sighed, still unsure of what to do or how to decide.

He could always do the James T. Kirk thing and close his eyes and point.

Leonard laughed again, shaking his head. Such a decision making paradigm had gotten the blonde into a lot of trouble on several away missions. No, leaving it up to chance wouldn't do. It wasn't exactly his style anyway, the doctor liked to use his intelligence to make informed decisions, not as a parlor trick—which was the only value Jim seemed to really place upon his own brain. This was sad, considering how brilliant the Kid could be. On more than one occasion the young captain's last minute spark of genius had saved all their butts, earning him respect that Jim couldn't ever seem to wait to throw away.

The doctor scowled, taking his cup into the kitchen to rinse. This is what happened when you spend too much time thinking about therapy, he thought, you started to psychoanalyze everyone around you. That's why he was a physician, not a psychiatrist, he had enough problems of his own without sticking his nose into everyone one else's business. Once people found out that you cared they started expecting you to listen all the time and then you'd never get any peace. Leonard shuddered. He didn't want to be followed around by a bunch of neurotics, he wasn't that patient.

"A few weeks of that would turn me into Dr. Kevorkian," He muttered, "Anything to make them go away."

"Who's going away?"

"Nobody," Leonard watched as Jay poured orange juice into a glass, her hair still wet from the shower. "Oh, did Jim tell you-?"

"That he's finally coming?" She nodded, "Yeah. He was very apologetic. What did he say to you?"

"That he was sun burnt."

The redhead laughed. "Serves him right, he should have come here instead of Barbados."

The doctor smiled, but silently disagreed with his daughter's statement. It was probably for the best that Jim hadn't come sooner. The blonde was a catalyst for disaster and who knows what it would have done to Spock to have the disruption. Of course, he thought ruefully, until a week ago it probably wouldn't have made any difference, since we weren't exactly making progress. But, the Vulcan was better now. Not completely whole, in fact, he may never be. But he was definitely better now than before. Leonard had looked in on Spock earlier and the Vulcan had still been mediating, which was very good—it would give him the healing his alien mind needed.

"Hey, Daddy? Will you help me pull the jumps out of the barn? I think Spock needs something different to do in our lessons."

The brunette nodded, "Sure, are you going to teach him with the English saddle?"

"I dunno, I figured we'd continue with the western, since it's more practical out here." She looked at him as she pulled on her boots. "Do you think he'd want to learn English?"

"I think he'd enjoy it. It's stricter, more rules, and I think he needs a little more structure right now. It keeps his mind clear."

Joanna stopped to stare at him and the doctor squirmed, unused to the scrutiny from her. "What?"

She shook her head. "Nothing, I just didn't realize you had him that figured out."

Leonard scowled, "So? I've practically lived with the man for five years; it's hard not to pick up on certain stuff."

Jay shrugged, opening the door, "Well, you're kinda bi-polar where Spock is concerned, so I wasn't sure."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, you were practically ignoring him a few weeks ago and now all-of-a-sudden you know the inner-workings of his mind. Sue me if I think it's a little strange."

The doctor gaped at her for a moment, before following her out the door. "It's complicated, okay?"

"Sure," Jay rolled her eyes. "You know, that's exactly what Momma says when she doesn't know how to explain something?"

"Well, some things are complicated—"

"And this is one of those things?"

"Yes, it is." Leonard pulled the barn door open. "Which jumps did you want?"

"Smooth," the redhead slipped past him, headed for the back wall where the extra equipment was stored. "Real smooth, Dad."

"Hey, don't you have friends that you get into arguments with or ignore sometimes?"

"Well, yeah. But that's because we're immature teenagers who—" Joanna dropped her end of the jump they were moving, "Wait a minute, is this your backwards way of telling me that people never really grow up and that the rest of life is just like High School and that all the psychiatrists and sit-coms that say that it's just a phase that we'll never go through again, are lying?"

Leonard looked thoughtful for a moment and then shrugged. "Yeah, pretty much."

"Well…shit." She picked her end back up again, "I don't want to be stuck in High School forever."

The doctor laughed, "Some people do move on, but it's usually just the people who never really participated in high school. You know, the brainy types that keep to themselves."

Jay scowled. "I participate."

He shrugged again. "Then, I guess you're doomed."

"You are a real ray of sunshine, you know that?"

Leonard snorted, "Look, human nature isn't something that you can grow out of. Yes, it will get better; most people do develop some semblance of self-control as they age. But, as long as you're dealing with people and their emotions, you're never really going to escape High School."

She sighed, "So, I guess I can't laugh anymore when the teacher's say they're preparing us for life and the real world."

"No, you can laugh, it is funny, in a tragically ironic way. Trust me, you are going to need a sense of humor in order to survive the madhouse we call 'Life.'" The brunette put an arm over the girl's shoulders as they walked back to the barn. "Just don't tell any of the other grownups that I told you all our secrets, technically you're not supposed to know until your initiation test when you turn twenty-one. They'll revoke my membership if they find out I let the cat out of the bag early."

Joanna laughed, "Shut up, old man, and help me get the rest of these."

…

Spock did not wake from his meditations until well past midday.

His mind, finally free from the limitations created by emotional misunderstanding, had relaxed into familiar control. The relief of being able to easily clear his thoughts and organize the chaos of his mind has almost made Spock weep. Throughout the night, he had been kept busy, sorting through memories—foreign and his own—eliminating the ones that did not belong and categorizing those that did.

The first thing he had done was remove the last remnants of Nyota from his mind. Everything, down to the last scrap of sensation, had been swept up and thrown away. He no longer had need of her, she was now a hindrance, rather than a help.

The bits of Leonard's mind and memories, Spock had hesitated over. Initially, he pushed them aside while he dealt with the other issues at hand, but once those had been resolved; he was left with the problem of the human's thoughts. He could, of course, remove them as he had Nyota's, but for a reason he could not specify, he could not bring himself to do so. After some deliberation, the Vulcan finally decided to save the stolen moments, creating a special corner of his mind for them. There, he also placed the stray pieces of Joanna's mind that he possessed. The doctor's memories were not difficult to arrange, the majority of them were centered upon the girl and any others tended to the subject of the Enterprise and her crew. Thus, strictly organized, the foreign matter would not disturb him in any way.

Again, although he could not tell why, Spock found the memories of the doctor and Joanna during her childhood comforting.

Rising, the Vulcan stretched slowly, straightening joints and muscles that had not moved for many hours. He felt uncommonly stiff and sore, a sign of his trouble meditating over the past months, his body was now unaccustomed to sitting immobile for such periods of time. But it mattered little; he would soon be back in condition, now that he was able to meditate as needed again.

Going downstairs, Spock found the house empty and walked out to the barn. As soon as he stepped outside, he could hear Joanna laughing. It made him smile, he was glad that the events of last night had not frightened her too badly. She deserved happiness, as did her father.

The girl looked up as he approached, "Spock! Good afternoon, did you rest well?"

The Vulcan nodded, "Yes, better than I have in a long time."

"Good."

He surveyed the obstacles now set up in the corral, "Are we learning something new?"

"Yup, starting tomorrow we'll work on jumping."

Spock nodded again, "Do you need any help at this time?"

"No, we're done now, but thanks." Leonard wiped his hands on his jeans, "Jay, what do you want for dinner?"

The redhead hooked one arm through her father's and the other through Spock's, walking them up to the house with her in between. "I don't know; let's go see what looks good."

…

Joanna could tell immediately that whatever had been bothering Spock earlier throughout his visit was now gone. The Vulcan was now more relaxed and overall, happier, than when he had first come to stay. Her father also, seemed to be more at ease. She noted these changes, wondered briefly as to what might have caused them, and then shrugged her wonderings away. It wasn't any of her business really, she was just glad that the two men currently in her life were feeling better.

The days until Uncle Jim arrived passed fairly quickly. She was somewhat nervous about the blonde's visit, this would be the first time Jay would be meeting him in person. She had talked to him many times over videochat—he was often in the room when she called her father, and they had also exchanged other messages. She liked the young captain; he was a huge ball of energy which sometimes rubbed off on her father. The doctor usually seemed to be in a better mood whenever Uncle Jim was around.

The fact that they were technically already well acquainted did little to quell the redhead's nervousness; she really wanted to know if he was the same in person as he was at a distance. It was silly, but she still worried.

Spock seemed to pick up on her anxiety and had done much to distract her over the past few days. They had spent a lot of time with the horses. Her father had been right; the Vulcan really did well at English style riding. He did so well that Jay was beginning to wonder if Spock needed lessons anymore. He picked up so much on instinct that she rarely had to tell him anything anymore. In fact, the former First Officer had surpassed her own skill at riding and she suspected that he now was even better than Leonard was.

On the day Jim was expected to arrive, Jay and the Doctor were standing down by the coral, watching as Spock took Cash through a series of jumps. "You know," She commented, "he could probably give his own lessons now."

Leonard smiled as the Vulcan eased the black horse through a tight figure eight, "He's a natural, that's for sure."

The redhead picked at a loose splinter on the fence, "Maybe, you'll reconsider letting him ride 'Smoke?"

Her father frowned, "Jay—"

"Oh, c'mon, please? Look at him; he's so good at this. All the horses love him, when he goes out in the pasture they all crowd up, begging for attention. I bet 'Smoke would let him ride him."

"I don't know," Leonard sighed, "I just don't want anything bad to happen, this family's been through enough as it is."

Jay bit her lip and turned back to watch Spock. She didn't want the Vulcan to get hurt either, but she was sure that he could do it. "If anyone except you is ever going to be able to ride Smoke, it's going to be _him_," she murmured.

The doctor put a comforting arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. As they continued to watch the Vulcan ride in silence, Joanna wondered if her father realized that he had included Spock as apart of their family in his last comment.

…

**I'm afraid that's all I have for now. I apologize for the delay on this chapter, I was sick most of break and then I found out that a friend of mine from college died in a car accident, so I've been dealing with some stuff.**

**There were a few more things I wanted to get to in this chapter, but I'm having some trouble writing at the moment and I figured it'd be best to just let ya'll have it as is. Better than nothing, right?**


	11. Chapter 11

**Title: The Long Walk Home**

**Summary:** **Spock has been involved with Uhura for the entirety of their 5-year mission; now that the Enterprise is coming home secrets from that relationship are coming to light. Damaged in ways he cannot understand, Spock has nowhere to turn. Dr. McCoy has also been hurting, but the southern boy in him can't stand on the sidelines and watch Spock suffer. Can the broken find healing in each other?**

**Written by request for BlackMetalHeart**

….

The first sign of James T. Kirk was the rumbling of an old-fashioned fossil fuel engine. Leonard smiled to himself but didn't look up from the book he was reading. The three of them were sitting out on the porch, awaiting the blonde's arrival. Spock and Joanna were playing chess while the doctor sat on the swing seat, re-reading his favorite collection of western short-stories.

Jim came into view on the back of a motorcycle and parked next to Lucy. Cutting the engine, the blonde hopped off, arms spread wide. "Bones!" He hollered in the direction of the house.

The doctor looked at him over the top of the book, amused by the man's apparent assumption that the brunette was going to come running to give him a hug. Leonard rolled his eyes and took a sip of his ice tea, ignoring him.

Jim laughed, obviously not surprised by his friend's reaction and put his helmet down so he could dash up to the porch. The blonde pulled Leonard up and wrapped him in a bear hug. "Bones!

The doctor released a strangled grunt and Jim let go of him, still laughing, and turned to his next victim.

"Spock!"

The Vulcan barely had time to blink before he was engulfed in the same hug that nearly suffocated Leonard. Fortunately, Spock didn't have time to react any further than that blink because Jim dropped the embrace as fast as he had initiated it.

"Joanna!"

The redhead had more warning than the other two and grinned, returning Jim's lung-crushing hug with one of her own. The blonde let out a sound somewhere between a squeak and a snort. He stumbled back out of her grip and leaned against the railing.

Jay flashed him another smile and turned back to her game with Spock, who had begun ignoring the blonde as soon as he was released, just as Leonard had returned to his book.

Jim watched the three of them, bemused by their casual familiarity. When the blonde had walked up and grabbed each of them in turn, there had been an almost frantic look in his eye that had now faded into something softer. The overly bright smile softened into a gently curve of his lips.

"You happy now?" Leonard asked gruffly, looking at the blonde over the top of his book again.

Jim smiled, "Yes."

….

An hour or so later, the doctor and the captain were walking along the fence line—looking over the property. Spock and Jay were back at the house, probably in the middle of their fourth game of chess that day. The redhead turned out to be pretty good at the game and highly competitive, meaning that she wasn't going to settle for the Vulcan winning every game. Leonard figured they would be at it all night until Spock finally got bored of watching her struggle and let her win. The Vulcan was a grandmaster, after all, and Jim was the only one original enough to use moves that could baffle the hobgoblin.

"You seem to be doing well."

The brunette blinked away his thoughts. "Yes, I am."

Jim squinted up at the sky. "I'm not going to be able to persuade you to come back, am I?"

Leonard sighed, "Jim—"

"No, it's okay. I mean," he kicked at a dirt clod, "I guess I knew from the beginning that if you ever got your feet back on the ground you would never leave again."

"I know you think I'm crazy, but trust me, the feeling is mutual."

The blonde laughed, "How will I survive without you, Bones?"

"You're tougher than you think you are Jim, you'll be fine."

They walked on in silence for a while, before the young captain spoke again.

"Spock's not coming back either, is he?"

Leonard frowned, unsure if he was more surprised by the question or by the fact that Jim thought he had the answer. "I don't know, I haven't talked with him about what happens when leave is over."

Jim laughed again, but it had a bitter ring. "He'd be crazy not to stay."

"Whoa, wait," The doctor caught his friend's arm, bringing the two of them to a halt. "Jim, what's wrong?"

The blonde wouldn't look at him, "Nothing."

"No, not nothing. You've been a bit off since you got here, what's going on?"

"Nothing," Jim repeated stubbornly, but there was a catch in his voice.

"Jim," Leonard put a gentle hand on the younger man's shoulder, turning the blonde to face him.

"Mom's sick." The stubborn face crumpled. "I'm losing my family Bones, you're all leaving me!"

The doctor wrapped his arms around the sobbing man. Leonard sighed sadly, letting his hurting friend's tears soak into his shirt and the skin on the side of his neck. He knew that Jim would take his staying planet-side poorly, but he had hoped that it would go better than this. The brunette's arms tightened and rocked the kid gently, wishing that the blonde had an easier life. Wishing that Jim could let go of his past, without that residual pain, the doctor knew that the blonde would be okay.

….

Joanna smiled to herself as she moved her bishop. She might actually win this match. The redhead sat back with pride and movement in the distance caught her eye. Squinting, she peered at the fence line over Spock's shoulder just in time to see her father pull Jim into an embrace. She swallowed and took a quick glance at her opponent and was relieved to see the Vulcan completely focused on the game.

Jay schooled her face back into the quasi-blank mask she used when playing games against Spock and tried to return her own focus to the pieces in front of her. She wasn't sure what was going on in the field, but she wasn't going to let Spock find out like this. The girl had become convinced over the past weeks that her father was growing attached to the Vulcan and knew that Spock's mental state was very delicate at this point in time and was likely to jump to conclusions. Joanna loved them both and was determined to keep them from hurting each other accidently to the best of her ability. She didn't doubt that the reason Leonard was hugging Jim was innocent, but she also knew that not everyone would make that assumption.

"Joanna?"

"Huh?"

Spock lifted an eyebrow. "It is your turn."

"Oh," she wrenched her thoughts away from interrogating her father later and forced them onto the pieces in front of her. Maybe she wouldn't be winning this game after all.

….

Once Jim had calmed down and stopped crying, the two resumed walking.

"You're not alone you know, Scotty will still be with you."

The blonde burst out laughing, albeit tinged with a hint of hysteria. "Oh, yeah, Scotty. He'll keep me sane for sure."

Leonard chuckled, glad that he had managed to get a humorous reaction out of the young man. "You'll be fine, Jim. I must confess that there were some days when I wondered if you wouldn't be better off without people like Spock and me to catch you. If maybe then, you'd realize what you're capable of."

"You and Mom," Jim muttered.

"What about us?"

"You're both the same, always pushing."

The doctor shrugged, "Maybe that's because we're the only ones who weren't intimidated by your wild antics. We saw past all the bravado and knew who you really were."

The blonde laughed again, sadly this time, cut off by a hiccup. "And who is that?"

Leonard smiled and clapped the kid on the shoulder, "You'll see."

When they got back to the house, Spock and Joanna were still playing chess. The redhead looked up at them and raised an eyebrow. The doctor shrugged a shoulder at her in return.

"Who's winning?"

"I am."

Jim grinned, "Of course you are, Spock. Hey, Bones—where do I put my stuff?"

The doctor gestured, "Uh, upstairs, second door on the right."

As the blonde went to collect his things and move them upstairs, Joanna have her father another scrutinizing look. He returned it with another shrug and went to help Jim carrying his luggage.

….

Something was different. Spock watched carefully as the McCoy's and Jim ate dinner and conversed. The captain seemed more melancholy than usual. He smiled and laughed, but the motions of happiness never seemed to reach the blonde's eyes. Leonard appeared to have noticed this discrepancy as well, the Vulcan noted the occasional flash of concern that the doctor directed at their friend. Joanna was acting differently too, her smile seemed too bright and she appeared to be watching Jim and her father as closely as Spock had been observing them all. Confused by the behavior around him and unsure of how to act, the Vulcan made a brief excuse and left the table.

He could understand Joanna being uncomfortable; she did not know the captain as well and was having to deal with another virtual stranger living in her house. He could also understand Leonard behaving oddly, the human may not realize it yet, but Spock knew that the doctor had no intention of returning to Starfleet and another deep space position. Jim behaving strangely he could understand because the blonde always acted illogically and he couldn't see anything different about this instance.

What the Vulcan couldn't understand was why the unusual behavior of the humans was bothering _him._ Especially since he understood the motivators behind their actions.

Sighing quietly, Spock slipped his feet into his work boots and went out to the barn. Perhaps some manual labor would clear his mind.

….

"Where'd Spock go?"

Leonard squinted, the blonde's question suddenly alerting him to the obvious fact that the Vulcan was no longer there. "Uh, I don't know."

Jay shrugged and put her dishes in the sink. "He's probably in the barn; he tends to clean when he gets restless and needs to think."

Jim quirked an eyebrow, "Isn't that was meditation for?"

The girl shrugged again, turning on the water "This whole experience seems to have brought out his human side and with that, some OCD."

The blonde looked at Leonard, "Are you the shrink here, or is she?"

The doctor rolled his eyes. "I'm not that kind of doctor, Jim. Haven't we had this conversation before?"

Jim grinned, "Oh sure, but how do I know that you haven't been holding out on me?"

The brunette snorted, "Jim, when have I ever kept secrets from you?"

The captain sobered, "No, I guess you haven't."

Leonard gave him a sympathetic smile and a slap on the shoulder as he rose. "You'll be fine, just don't forget to breathe and try not to get anybody killed."

Jay raised her eyebrows and the brunette shook his head, indicating that he'd talk with her later. "I'm going to make sure Spock turned out the right horses, try not to get into any trouble until we get back."

She gave a mock salute, flinging dish water across the room. "Yessir!"

….

The excuse with the horses was flimsy—both Leonard and Joanna knew that Spock was more than capable—but the doctor needed to speak with the Vulcan without Jim trailing a long. Fortunately for him, horses were one of the many things that the blonde was allergic to.

When he reached the barn, the former CMO noted that Spock had done the chores as flawlessly as usual and passing through the barn, he found the Vulcan in the tack room.

"Hey."

"Good evening."

They stood in silence for a long moment, the Vulcan working oil into the stiff leather of an old bridle and human watching.

Leonard cleared his throat. "Are you okay?"

"I cannot complain."

The doctor rolled his eyes and took the bridle away, forcing Spock to make eye contact. "Are you okay with _this_, with Jim being here?"

The Vulcan blinked, "Why would I not be 'okay' with the captain's presence?"

"I don't know!" The brunette cried, "You've just been really quiet and I wanted to make sure that nothing was bothering you."

Spock gently tugged the worn leather from Leonard's absently twisting fingers. "I am fine; there is nothing wrong with the captain's visit."

"Then what is wrong?"

The former First Officer hung the bridle on an empty hook and ushered the doctor from the room. "There is nothing wrong."

"Bull," Leonard scowled, jabbing a finger in his friend's direction. "You've been acting oddly all day and I wanna know if you're crawling back into your shell, because Jim doesn't have to stay if you're gonna relapse on me. I'd rather offend him than have you slip back into an emotional coma."

Spock sighed, his face even more unreadable in the shadowy barn. "The source of my disquiet is internal, but I thank you for your concern."

"Oh, um, okay." The doctor felt his face heat and squirmed slightly. "Sorry for being pushy."

"You were worried." It was not a question.

"Yeah," Leonard stared at the floor. "You really scared me buddy, you scared all of us. I think my freak out over what happened to Jay was only slightly higher than when we found out what happened to you. I'd really like to avoid ever feeling like that again, if it's okay with you? Jim's given me enough gray hairs as it is." He joked weakly.

The brunette felt a cool and gentle hand pass over his head. "You should have more faith in us," The Vulcan said quietly. "Friendship is not a burden to be shouldered, but a gift to be shared."

The doctor gaped as Spock moved past him and out of the barn. "When did you get so smart?" He called hoarsely after the Vulcan's retreating back.

….

Jay was sitting in the kitchen at the island, reading a book, when she heard the door open. She watched as Spock removed his boots and poured himself a glass of water. She set her book down and scrutinized the Vulcan, noticing an unusual amoung of color in his face. "You okay?"

He made a face—which in Spock's case was a twitch of the left eyebrow accompanied by a tug at the corner of his mouth. "Your father has already asked me that."

"Oh, really? And what did you say?"

The girl resisted the urge to giggle at the look the Vulcan sent her way, "I am fine."

"Uh huh," She drawled, "Then why are you blushing?"

He glared, but it seemed to Jay that even more color infused his face. "I am not."

"Yes, yes you are," The redhead spoke in a sing-song voice and grinned. "C'mon, what's up?"

"Nothing," the Vulcan muttered, rinsing the glass in the sink and setting it in a drying rack. He then tried to escape the room, but Joanna leapt out of her seat and followed him down into the basement.

"Really? I've never seen 'nothing' make someone so uncomfortable" She kept prodding him, gently of course, until the Vulcan broke.

"I touched his hair." Spock whispered.

"Who's?" She blinked, "Dad's?"

He nodded, "He was upset and I did not realize…."

Jay pursed her lips, "So…why are you so upset by this? I don't think he'll be offended or anything."

Spock shook his head, "It is not right—"

She interrupted, "For Vulcans or for you?"

He stood silently, thinking, for a long moment. When he spoke again his voice was quiet and contained. "That does not matter. He is not mine to touch."

Joanna rolled her eyes, "Do you want a permission form to sign or something? That's not how this works, Spock. There are no rules to emotion. You wanted to touch, so you did. Nobody was hurt were they?"

Spock blinked, "We cannot be sure of that."

She sighed and shook her head, "I think you'll find that humans are very vocal when they're upset and if what you did had bothered dad, he'd be in here ranting about it."

"I suppose that is true…" The Vulcan said slowly, the implications of the girl's words still sinking in.

The redhead smiled and stepped closer, gently wrapping Spock into a hug. "Don't worry; you'll get used to all this soon. Daddy says you're a quick learner."

The Vulcan merely nodded in response and returned the hug. His mind was whirling with facts and equations as he tried to fathom his own actions and how they would impact his life.

….

**My first chapter in forever and its so soap opera! What have I become? What have I turned into? Has all the coursework turned my creative processes into mush?**

**I hope there was something tolerable in this chapter, because I personally don't like it at all.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Title: The Long Walk Home**

**Summary:** **Spock has been involved with Uhura for the entirety of their 5-year mission; now that the Enterprise is coming home secrets from that relationship are coming to light. Damaged in ways he cannot understand, Spock has nowhere to turn. Dr. McCoy has also been hurting, but the southern boy in him can't stand on the sidelines and watch Spock suffer. Can the broken find healing in each other?**

**Written by request for BlackMetalHeart**

**Chapter Playlist:**

_**Someone Said Goodbye – Enya**_

_**Paper Ships – Dead Man's Bones**_

_**All I Need – Within Temptation**_

_**24 – Jem**_

_**So I Need You – 3 Doors Down**_

**Disclaimer: A tad short, but hey, it's an update. Once again: I am seriously trying to get this story finished. Sometimes life is much too busy for its own good.**

**Any errors are mine, of course.**

….

_Well, this was interesting_. Joanna viewed the scene before her with mild amusement. The boys, as she had come to think of the three men, were sprawled in various positions and locations in the living room and were all laughing together over something. The Vidscreen was on in the background, flashing the current news reports, but it was on mute so as to not disturb the conversation in the foreground. Jim was waving his arms animatedly as he recounted some story or other from an away mission. Leonard was practically crippled with belly laughter, a sure sign that he knew some secret detail of the story that was probably humiliating for the blonde, and Spock wore a mild smile that equated to hysterics in Vulcan standards. Shaking her head, Jay went into the kitchen and grabbed an apple from the bowl on the table. She d been was glad that the Captain's visit had taken an upward swing. When the young man had first arrived the mood had been stilted, almost gloomy. Fortunately, after a few quite conversations with her father, Jim had perked up.

She wasn't going to lie; it had taken her a while to get used to having the blonde's personality thrown into the domestic dynamic of the McCoy household. It felt like things had just really gotten settled with Spock before Jim had shown up and Joanna also had to admit that she had been just as worried as her father over how the Vulcan would adjust with a new person in the house. The redhead tossed the apple in the air a few times as she strode out to the barn. She liked Jim, he was funny and she could definitely tell that the bond between her father and the blonde was deep and probably one of the few things that had saved the doctor from going off the deep end after the divorce, but that didn't stop her from thinking that it was good that the captain's visit wasn't going to be a long one. Joanna like the way the house felt when it was just the three of them there.

She whistled and Kidd perked up his ears and looked over at her. 'Smoke and Belle Anna twitched their ears in brief interest and then returned to grazing. Joanna climbed up to sit on the fence and began slicing the apple with her knife while she waited for the gentle palomino to mosey on over to her. The air was growing crisper in the evenings, a sign of the coming fall weather, and the girl wondered again about what would happen to her new family once summer was over.

..

Jim settled onto the couch between his two best friends with a sigh. A sigh that was apparently big enough to distract Bones, who paused in his story to give the blonde a look. He shifted under the scrutiny for a moment before heaving another sigh and climbing back to his feet. Leonard and Spock watched silently as the Captain paced back and forth in front of the coffee table. The young man appeared mildly distressed and largely conflicted. The other two in the room exchanged a glance.

"Jim? What's bothering you?" The doctor asked with a calm, almost placating voice.

The blonde paced for a moment longer and then sat on the coffee table, facing his friends. Spock raised an eyebrow and Jim rolled his eyes in response. "Okay, look, the uncertainty is killing me. You guys have just got to tell me, straight up: are you coming back to the Enterprise or not? Once I know what's going on, I can deal with and get on with my life. Until then, I'm on pins and needles and going insane considering all the possibilities."

The Vulcan slowly nodded his head in understanding. "Starfleet has offered to renew my position on the Enterprise. They have also made it known that the government on New Vulcan has expressed an interest in my services as a teacher in the Academy and possibly as an advisor to the council."

Jim blew out a breath, "Well, it's good to know what your options are. Bones?"

"Starfleet has offered me several different positions, including the Enterprise. I've also been approached by several hospitals and clinics planet-side."

Spock looked at him, "Does Joanna know that you are considering remaining on Earth?"

The brunette shook his head, "I don't know."

"Yeah, well, not too put too much pressure on you guys," Jim interrupted with a weak grin, "But the Enterprise leaves in less than three weeks. Starfleet will want your answer in about two and I would love to know sooner than that. You know how I need time to adjust to major changes."

Leonard sighed and gave the blonde a sad smile. "Yeah, I know."

Jim returned the smile and stood. "I'm gonna…walk or something. I'll be back later."

The doctor watched his friend leave and then looked at Spock. "What do you want to do?"

The Vulcan blinked. "I am not sure."

..

Joanna tapped the curry comb on her boot to loosen the caked mud before she picked it out with her fingers. The Percherons didn't often get groomed, but she had plenty of time on her hands and the horses deserved some TLC every now and again. The draft horse snuffled and stomped a foot. The redhead laughed and patted the animal on the shoulder. "Alright big guy, I'm done."

She had just turned the large animal back out into the main pasture and was going to bring another in when her father walked up beside her and hollered for Gunsmoke. Jay looked at him in surprise, "Are you going for a ride?"

"No, but Spock is."

She gaped as Leonard put a halter on the grey dapple. Belle Anna had followed her pasture buddy up to the waiting humans and the doctor gestured for Jay to bring her in as well. The girl complied, leading the mare into the barn and clipping her into a set of the cross-ties. Spock stood in the barn doorway, watching them silently. The redhead shot him a quizzical look, but the Vulcan didn't acknowledge her interest and merely continued to observe with a carefully blank face. The former first officer was wearing the cream riding pants instead of jeans and Jay noticed that her father had brought the English saddle out of the tack room.

"Daddy?"

The doctor glanced at her, "What?"

"Um," She shifted, nervous for a reason she didn't understand. "Do you want me to tack up Belle?"

He set the saddle on a stand near the cross-ties and grabbed a brush, beginning to get 'Smoke ready to ride. "No, that's okay. Would you do me a favor though and flip those four-by-four jumps up?"

"Sure." Jay shot Spock another look as she walked past him, but once again she received no response. Once in the ring, she obediently rolled the four home-made jumps up to their highest position and moved them so that they stood as a set of parallel oxers roughly four feet high. After a moment of thought, the redhead shifted the other jumps around into a combination that included the oxers and a loose bounce. The Vulcan hadn't ridden such a set before, but 'Smoke had been broken and trained as a cross-country jumper. The girl had seen video clips of the dapple clearing six-foot skinny steeples with ease and she knew that even if Spock wouldn't know exactly what to do, the horse would remember. Her father had taken 'Smoke through similar runs on multiple occasions in her memory, including one a few weeks ago. The combination Joanna had laid out didn't include anything over five feet and she was more than confidant that the horse and rider could handle it.

She hesitated as she went back into the barn and looked over the set-up in the ring. As she turned back and continued inside, Jay hoped her confidence wasn't misplaced. Spock had never ridden 'Smoke before and it didn't seem quite fair for him to have to run through a more advanced course on the first ride. At least the Vulcan had gotten to watch Leonard put the horse through his paces not too long ago. With any luck, he had picked up on the dapple's little quirks and was ready.

Joanna re-entered the barn just as the doctor finished tightening the girth. He led the horse over to the waiting Vulcan and she watched as they exchanged a look. There was something in that look, a message, a secret…the redhead didn't know, but they seemed to understand each other.

Spock took the reins, adjusted the stirrup length, and mounted. 'Smoke shifted under the unfamiliar weight and tossed his head, taking shuffling steps sideways. The Vulcan settled into the saddle and calmly directed the animal forward. Joanna quickly opened the gate and let the pair enter the ring.

Leonard stood next to her at the gate, one foot on the bottom rung and his crossed arms resting on the top rung. They both watched in silence as the horse and rider got used to each other.

Joanna knew her palms were sweating and rubbed them on her jeans. Spock was handling the horse well; he was ignoring the jumps and forcing 'Smoke through loops and figure eights around the ring. A few times the dapple humped his back and threw up his head, trying to avoid the bit. The Vulcan always carefully corrected the horse and pushed him into the next movement. The redhead swallowed and glanced at her father, but the man's face was expressionless and stared straight ahead, watching. When Leonard had ridden the horse last, 'Smoke had tested him in a similar fashion before going nuts in an attempt to gain control over the rider. It was this kind of behavior that had broken a stable hand's leg and had cracked her mother's ribs when the horse had managed to unseat his rider.

So when the dapple stopped in the middle of the ring suddenly, Joanna inhaled deeply and held her breath. 'Smoke rolled the bit a few times, almost thoughtfully, and then reared up onto his hind legs. The horse bounced a step forward and then dropped back onto his forelegs with a jarring thud that did nothing to shake Spock. Then, to the girl's shock, the horse did nothing else but toss his head a few times and amble forward in a loose circle.

Jay let the air rush out from her lungs and felt a little light-headed as relief flooded through her and her father gently pried her fingers out of the white-knuckle grip the girl had on his bicep. Leonard gave her a quick and gentle smile before returning his attention to the horse and rider. Looking from the Vulcan to her father and back, the redhead could not shake the feeling that this had been a test of some kind and something major had just been decided.

Apparently, the horse and the Vulcan had come to an understanding because from that moment on 'Smoke followed commands from Spock perfectly. Together they moved fluidly through the course Joanna had set up. The dapple cleared everything effortlessly and Spock's form was equally flawless. The pair worked their way through the course multiple times, changing direction and the jump order on each pass.

After roughly forty minutes of riding, Spock reined the tall horse in and trotted over to the gate where Leonard and Joanna stood. He dismounted and the humans moved back to allow the gate room to swing open. The Vulcan led the horse through, handed the reins to the doctor, and quietly spoke: "I would like to know your plans before I make my decision."

The brunette nodded slowly, "Okay. Give me a day or so to finish some research and I'll let you know what I decide."

Jay stared at them, thoroughly confused. "What's going on?"

..

Leonard put the truck in park and turned off the engine. He looked over at the porch and saw Joanna leaning against the railing, watching him. The brunette sighed and passed a hand over his face. It was decision time. He had spent the day at a clinic run by Marcus Shelby, an old friend from medical school, and had been more than impressed by the work being done. The clinic was set up well and it helped a lot of people, the only issue at the moment was the fact that Shelby needed more hands working with him. Originally, Shelby had run the place with partner, Dr. Reed, and a decent handful of nurses and physician's assistants, but Dr. Reed had gotten sick and moved away and Shelby hadn't been able to find a doctor willing to work in a small-town environment to replace her.

This is where Leonard came in. Shelby wanted the doctor to be his new partner, with a full share of the clinic. The offer was generous, considering the two men hadn't really talked in almost fifteen years, but Shelby had a good recollection of the brunette's character and they had always worked well together. The arrangement had potential, it was now up to Leonard to decide where he wanted to be: on Earth or in Space.

It really wasn't that tough of a decision, the only trouble sprang from his relationship with Jim. He was worried about the kid, he always worried about him. Leonard wasn't entirely sure how the blonde would handle being on his own in deep space. True, the majority of the loyal crew was coming back aboard the Enterprise, but the Captain would have to depend on a new First Officer since Spock had practically told the doctor that he was going to stay if Leonard was. The brunette was sure that Jim would survive, but he did feel a little guilty about virtually abandoning the kid. At least Scotty would still be there, plus Sulu and Chekov.

The doctor climbed out of the truck with a long sigh. Jim would get over it…eventually. Of course, there was always the danger of the blonde self-destructing long before that day ever came, but Leonard was fairly confident that the kid would show some of the steel that made up his backbone and handle the news better than anyone expected. The Captain was still reeling a little from his mother's bad news and he had definitely been upset earlier, but the brunette knew his friend better than anyone else and he thought that Jim would accept whatever decision was made

Walking toward the house, Leonard hoped that his assessment was correct. Winona Kirk would kill him if her son went on a bender because of something the doctor had done or said.

"So, how'd it go?"

Leonard returned the redhead's tentative smile. "It went well. Marcus has a neat little set-up and they could certainly use my help."

She nodded, "That's good. What about Uncle Jim…and Spock?"

"Well," the doctor held the door open and waited for his daughter to enter the house first, "I'll talk to Spock and then we'll both talk to Jim."

"The sooner the better," Joanna looked up at the brunette. "He's starting to drive me crazy with all the moping. Are you sure he'll snap out of it once he hears your answer?"

Leonard nodded, "Yeah, Jim's quick on the up-take, it won't take him long to process the information and start adapting. The kid's a survivor, in every meaning of the term."

..

The blonde's face was solemn as he looked at his two closest friends sitting opposite of him at the McCoy dining room table. "So…that's it then?"

Leonard glanced at Spock and then nodded, "Yeah, I believe so."

"Okay." Jim inhaled sharply and stared up at the ceiling, blinking furiously. "Okay."

The Vulcan shifted slightly and appeared to be about to speak, but didn't.

After a long moment of silence that stretched on almost uncomfortably, the young human blew out a breath and slapped his palms on his thighs. "Okay," he said again, definitively. "Well, I guess I'll be getting out your hair pretty soon then."

The doctor shook his head, "Jim, you don't have to go just because—"

The blonde interrupted him, "It's fine, I had to go soon anyway. I'm captain, remember? Apparently, there's a lot of paperwork that has to been taken care of in order to make sure that the Enterprise meets regulations before we leave. I certainly don't remember having to jump through this many hoops five years ago, damn bureaucracy." He grumbled.

Leonard smiled, "Say 'hi' to everyone for me, will you?"

Jim nodded and stood. "No problem. Don't be surprised if nobody cries or returns the gesture. You're kinda grumpy and nobody misses grumpy."

"Nobody misses smart-ass either."

The blonde laughed and hugged the doctor. "I am going to miss you Bones. Now who's going to chase me down and make me take my physical?"

"If you give Chapel a hard time I will hunt you down and hypo your butt into oblivion."

"Ooh, I'm so scared. I'm shaking, you see me shaking?"

"Shut up you little punk," Leonard gave him a shove. "Stay out of trouble, I am not flying halfway across the galaxy to save sorry hide when you catch some deep-space STI and something you hold dear looks about to fall off."

"Please," Spock stood to leave the room, "Do not notify us if such a scenario comes true. I have no desire to be privy to your misbehavior or private health."

Jim stuck out his tongue and followed the Vulcan from the room, teasing the alien about subjective definitions for 'misbehavior.'

The doctor watched in amusement as they left and waved Joanna into the room when she peered around the doorway. She sat at the table and Leonard slid onto the bench next to her.

"Both of you are staying, huh?"

"It looks that way."

Jay nodded slowly, "Will Spock stay with you or find somewhere on his own?"

Leonard frowned slightly, "It would make more sense for him to just stay here don't you think? There's certainly enough room."

"That's true." The redhead chewed her lip, "Have you told mom yet?"

"Not yet."

"I don't know how she'll react," Joanna gave him a worried look. "You won't go to California again, will you?"

He shook his head, "No, I'm staying right here. This is my home and I'm not letting anyone run me off ever again."

She smiled and hugged him, "Good. That means I can come and visit whenever I want, right?"

Leonard laughed and blinked away a few tears. "Of course you can."

He wondered if he should feel guilty about being this happy when one of his best friends had to adjust to several life changes. The brunette sighed quietly to himself and soaked in the feeling of holding his daughter. Jim would survive, that's what they did, and the blonde wouldn't begrudge him a little happiness or getting his family back. Leonard's relationship with the young man hand been built on mutual understanding of each other's suffering, any easement on that pain was fully supported and appreciated by the other.

Besides, Jim loved to talk. The doctor highly doubted that just because they would be separated by millions of miles that they would lose touch. Despite their teasing and posturing, they would always be there for each other.

….

**Been a long time since I've ridden, hope there aren't any blaring errors, but if so, please ignore them or correct me. I don't care which, as long as you're nice about it.**

**Review please! It is greatly appreciated and it keeps me motivated.**


End file.
